Facebook stalking can be good

[Torchout]

Spending time in hospital can focus the mind. I've spent a lot of time looking at old school photos. I had forgotten that I was actually effortlessly pretty due to emotional trauma.
I met someone who I thought was the love of my life but as soon as he left the RAF he ditched me.
I had a look at his profile. Tbh his current partner is nothing like me, short, slightly dumpy but they look happy together.

It made me realise that I was just the girlfriend you showed off. He never made me think it was long term though.

I'm happy with a family who make me feel special and can now accept it was never about me.

Sounds like you have a lovely husband and are perhaps focussing on your past as you aren't well at the moment and low. Time to put the ex back in the box and look forward.

You sound shallow and bitter.

Calling another woman dumpy and implying you’re much more attractive so he was with you as a ‘trophy’

Try reading a book instead of stalking a long ago ex and putting his new (probably very well loved) partner down

‘Best boobs in the area’? Wtf?

I was 18, sex drive through the roof yeah.

Even my female friends acknowledged a superior rack.

So shallow and just getting worse

I was approached by a photographic agency and asked if wanted to glamour model for page 3 . Don't you have any body part your proud of? Gorgeous hair, beautiful skin, fab eyes .
I happened to have incredibly good boobs. Probably because I was an hourglass with a tiny waist.

If you looked so amazing and still he dumped you - why? I think I would take that as an insult to my personality.

It sounds like you're pretty hung up still if you're FB stalking casual ex partners from decades ago and feeling the need to brand their current partner 'dumpy'.

Maybe she was 'effortlessly pretty' like you were aged 21? People do age. I'm presuming she has a nice personality if he did. If he didn't why bother care who he dates now or ever? Is he a male supermodel himself?

You assume he only used you as a trophy but you're the one seeming to be fixating on looks.

I hope you've recovered from your hospital stay. But I have to say I don't think what you describe is an especially healthy or helpful way to spend you time.

Nailed it! 🫸🫷

I think you are probably a bit down OP. I find when I'm down I tend to look up people I once knew on FB.

But when I'm busy and happy with my lot, I wouldn't even think to do that.

Maybe he prefers her because of her personality rather than your judgy nature and supposed beauty?

A nice personality is much nicer to be around (especially long term) Much more interesting too.

😂

Where is your loving family OP that you are using precious recovery time to ware time on the past. We can’t say why he dumped you but perhaps the relationship had run its course…

And even more worse 😂😂

I could maybe understand this if it was just you processing that you felt ugly when you were young, and you’re now looking back and realising you weren’t ugly at all. But as you’re talking about being very aware that you had a “superior rack”, an hourglass figure, and a tiny waist, and about how you were approached for glamour modelling, it doesn’t seem you ever thought you were ugly at all.

He sounds like he was immature. But, as you’ve said you found it flattering to be told you’d got the “best boobs in the area” and “how jealous all his mates were”, it seems you were immature too…which isn’t surprising - at 18 you were kids. Kids do sometimes put too much emphasis on looks, or on what their mates think. The vast majority grow out of it.

It sounds like he’s grown up and married somebody who he genuinely wants to be with. Comparing yourself favourably against his current wife (“she’s nothing like me, short, slightly dumpy”) seems to suggest you might not have made quite as much progress.

When i was in my late teens early 20s I was massively confident. However once this relationship ended.bi lost the confidence. Its looking back at the photographs
....

If you were ‘massively confident’ you wouldn’t have gone on a date with the RAF prick, far less a relationship throughout which he objectified and groped you.

Honestly, OP, see this as an opportunity for reflection on what hurt you into thinking you were only worth this.

Op I am cringing reading your posts.

To allow someone to stroke your boobs in public infront of other people is plain weird.

I had an ex boyfriend who broke up with me right after we had sex.

Years later I look at his profile and see a photo with his overweight mother. Readers, it was not his mother - it was his wife!!! She looked really bad.

When we were together he was always asking me when I would go to the gym (I had zero interest in going to the gym).

I thought I wasn’t good enough. I realised that not all men marry the prettiest females. Sometimes they marry women who look like their mothers.

OP, are you on some strong medication at the moment? Or hospitalised for mental health issues perhaps? I am not saying this to be unkind at all, but I don't think the thread is helping at all - your posts are a little hard to follow (you seem fixated on a shirt relationship that happened a long long time ago) and to have a preoccupation with your own physical beauty that I think some are finding it hard to deal with, especially the comparisons of yourself to other women, underlining your own superiority.

Maybe step away from the post? These thoughts might be better shared in a safe space with a psychiatrist or psychologist.

I wish you all the best for your recovery.

To be fair, it is fairly common for abuse survivors to feel they have to tolerate this stuff. Not saying OP is an abuse survivor, but she might be.

It's usually not the woman loving this happening, but some bastard man forcing her to endure it for his own twisted gratification.

Blimey, there’s some truly horrible replies on here. I understand the feelings of introspection and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging if you were/are considered to be pretty.

Your post reads like a diary entry but as MN is full of very angry, bitter people it probably isn’t the best platform if you’d like a nuanced discussion.

You think you were emotionally abused because your boyfriend told you you had the best tits in town?? I’m gay but only came out at 19. I went out with a guy who everyone thought was the hottest guy in our area when I was 17..to show off to my friends, to make myself more popular, cos I thought ‘well, he’s so gorgeous I really should be attracted to him.’ I’m sure I told him how he had the best abs in town on more than one occasion. I didn’t actually fancy him. I don’t think that makes me some kind of emotional abuser. I was a confused, naive, immature and self-centred teenager. Just like your ex bf probably was (minus the sexuality confusion). It’s really not as deep as you’re making it out to be.