Disgusted by man I’m seeing

[Realscottishhaggis]

I am still messaging and obsessed with an ex from years ago, I am now seeing someone else at the same time who knows what I went through with the man.
The relationship is chill, we get on well and I enjoy being around him but I’ve never thought of him as anything other than a friend. I do believe this is what relationships are supposed to feel like not full of drama and fights but it’s hard to adjust and I feel disgusted by him but not for any reason.
he pushed for the relationship which might be why as he asked me one day and I felt like I had to say ok now we’ve got to say I love you to each other each day and it makes me feel sick but I’ve not said anything and want to avoid him. Yes I feel bad for him and am maybe wasting his time I don’t know if I should continue to get over my ex

So there is a third man involved? The ex, the friend and the one you're in a relationship with?

Blimey 😳

For someone who's struggling, you seem to be dating an awful lot.

I think you need to knock it on the head for now.

You can't, you have messed him about and you'll hurt him. He'll get over you. He also knew you were obsessed with your ex so more fool him. You need to spend sometime finding yourself. End it with both of them and move on.

You don't have to get into a relationship with someone because they push for it, you don't have to say I love you when you aren't feeling it, I haven't ever done that. Be true to yourself. Good luck.

Sweet Jesus. You need help.

how old are you? Do you have children?

Yesterday the OP posted I’ve got the into serious trouble for harassment against these individuals.

This is above the pay grade of mumsnet. You need proper RL professional support

Oh dear, that is serious.

OP you shouldn't have kept this information from anyone on this thread as it's very important.

STOP dating people until you're mentally well enough to do so.

but I’ve never thought of him as anything other than a friend. I do believe this is what relationships are supposed to feel like

No, this is absolutely not what relationships are meant to feel like.

Is it National Women Who Can't Speak their Mind day or something?!

Only been scanning Mumsnet for 10 minutes and this is the third thread of just ridiculous levels of communication resistance.

OP - get rid of both of them and replace them with therapy!

You should probably avoid the thread about the cake tin then! 🤣

That was one of the three!

Don't even get me started on the 'annoying hiking group member' that everyone moans about but nobody says no to! 😂

Im a man, your friend obviously loves you (been in this situation myself), you have a choice, decide if you love him or want to be with him as a couple or not. Then honestly sort the situation, you either become a couple or you break apart - neither is right or wrong.

As to the ex, stop following him and move on with your life, he's holding you back. - if you drop him I'm thinking your decision making will become easier.

Good luck.

I agree with the above.

There's been some sympathy for your current BF, but I really think that if he can't tell that your heart isn't in it, that you feel pushed into this relationship and don't like it, then he's either completely self absorbed, or he does know and continues anyway. Neither is any good for you.

Don't allow him to guilt trip you. Be honest. Take your courage in both hands and end it... No one should have to be in a relationship they hate and feel disgusted by, out of feelings of sheer obligation.

You are allowed to end a relationship for any reason. You say.. this isn't working for me and I want to be single again and you deserve a relationship with someone who is committed. You don't owe him anything other than honesty. It will be an awkward conversation but that will be temporary and you will feel very relieved that you had the talk.

It sounds like you do need therapy to be able to discuss your issues with, as its clearly making you unhappy.

As for the ex.... well he's an ex for a reason. Focus on yourself, on building a life that YOU want, learning to be assertive and not allowing yourself to be pressurised or bossed around by others.

Ok thanks for the encouragement everyone also I didn’t ask to be shamed for those who were trying to embarrass me bringing up things I’ve said before I didn’t deliberately leave it out I’m aware my previous posts can be searched I just need help

Are you getting professional help?

Good lord this is a clusterfuck!

You need professional help OP…seriously, this is not something Mumsnet can help with! 🤯

Why on earth would you have anything to do with someone you are disgusted by? Dump him and stop lusting after the ex he's your past not your future.

No, we can't sort OP's issues here BUT I think it would be helpful to recognise that in coming here and putting her hand up, Op is at least recognising that she has a problem and that in itself should be applauded.

OP, please try to get some mental health support.

The NHS is unlikely to be able to provide timely help - if you can't afford to see someone privately it might be worth looking into some of the much cheaper therapy apps.

You need therapy and I mean that genuinely, not as a snipe.
You've sleepwalked into a relationship with a man who disgusts you just because he asked and are allowing a toxic man to pick you up a drop you as and when he pleases. You've no boundaries, it sounds like you have very low self-esteem and self worth. You need to get to the bottom of why you're allowing this and figure out how to stop it.

You’re disgusted by the wrong man! Bloke one is the one you should be disgusted with. Get rid of both of them and don’t date again until you’ve got to the bottom of why you behave the way you do.

You can't, that can't be your priority. You should not be in a relationship with anyone. Get therapy and work on yourself.

You’re seeing three men and felling at least one you love him daily and are disgusted by him are you sleeping with him too? You need to end it with all of them.

I don’t think you’re ok, this isn’t healthy behaviour. But I’m not sure you will seek help or even act.

do you understand why you do it, do you have any female friends or social life outside men?

He's pressuring you and you sound like you are not 100% comfortable with this.........if this is exactly how you feel OP, it will be a disaster and you will feel trapped.

You need more time and you will know when you are ready, it will feel totally different.

im the same - grew up with Dv so thought my marriage was perfect wehn it really wasnt

it broke me when I went into psychosis

Do you not see that having another man (that you omit entirely from your OP) is very relevant

and, more importantly

you have been in serious trouble for the harassment of multiple people, which is VERY relevant to the situation.

Best thing you can do is a total break from all forms of dating for a defined time (like, a year) and work on healing yourself. Invest in therapy, friendships, hobbies etc.