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Original poster

Would you stop doing his laundry?!

45 replies

Shleepymummy · 06/03/2026 22:26

Exactly as it says! DH never helps with laundry. We both work, him F/T me P/T as we have young children. I do everything at home cleaning wise and all laundry. Yes I am home 2 days a week but still have a lot to do. He doesn't help and often when we go up to bed of an evening he will brush his teeth and get into bed whilst I tidy up kitchen, then get washing out of machine and spend time hanging it up. By time I get into bed he's well gone. I wanna smack him in the face 🤪
I have asked for him to do a bit more but just falls on deaf ears.
so should I just stop doing his laundry until he gets the hint?!

OP posts:
itsnotalwaysthateasy · 06/03/2026 23:15

Is there a reason why you clean the kitchen rather than leaving it to the morning to climb in bed for a hug?
Im a single parent, but still manage all our laundry and work full time.
I don't think this is about chores, but how he appreciates you.

AutumnFroglets · 06/03/2026 23:16

What does he do to add value to the family? If it's nothing then I would seriously consider leaving.

If he won't change after asking then you do realise this will be your life for the next 50 years. Scary thought isn't it.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 06/03/2026 23:39

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 06/03/2026 23:15

Is there a reason why you clean the kitchen rather than leaving it to the morning to climb in bed for a hug?
Im a single parent, but still manage all our laundry and work full time.
I don't think this is about chores, but how he appreciates you.

"Is there a reason why you clean the kitchen rather than leaving it to the morning to climb in bed for a hug?"

TF! So she should leave everything a right mess and scramble to bed in time for a hug? Why is isn't this fucker working with her until everything is done and then they can both fall into bed together.

Jesus, can the bar for women be any lower?

My H has NEVER EVER gone to bed leaving me to clear shit up. It's unthinkable. We've always worked together to help clear each other's plates so that we can spend time together.

exhaustDAD · 06/03/2026 23:40

Hi @Shleepymummy, ah, that is annoying. Little advice - instead of starting games, hoping that the hints will land as intended, it will be easier if you flat-out say things as they are. I am saying this to potentially save yourself some more headache. Because don't forget, once you decide not to do his laundry, he will not start realising immediately. It will be some time before it will be apparent that you are not (1-2 rounds of washing before he notices that his are not part of the cycles). And during that time you may be just seething, eating away at your own nerves, being in a state of constant annoyance. I know you mentioned asking him to help, but if I were you I'd give it another go, with more context. To have a conversation about the load and how it makes you feel, and very importantly - how him not hearing you in this matter makes you feel. You can even turn it serious and tell him where this road will lead your relationship. What do you think? Simply not doing his laundry may not pan out the way that it's good for you. And hey, a meaningful conversation may give you a definite look into how he actually views this problem. If it's absolutely shocking and demeaning, at least that would put things into perspective in terms of what to expect, and what your choices are...

Colddayhotcuppa · 06/03/2026 23:44

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 06/03/2026 23:39

"Is there a reason why you clean the kitchen rather than leaving it to the morning to climb in bed for a hug?"

TF! So she should leave everything a right mess and scramble to bed in time for a hug? Why is isn't this fucker working with her until everything is done and then they can both fall into bed together.

Jesus, can the bar for women be any lower?

My H has NEVER EVER gone to bed leaving me to clear shit up. It's unthinkable. We've always worked together to help clear each other's plates so that we can spend time together.

Show quote history

Precisely what I thought. when you're adult especially with children you cannot just jump into bed as soon as kids are in bed, it's not like the magic cleaning fairies will take care of overnight. I don't think I could relax in bed knowing there's a mess waiting for me downstairs.

Uvorange · 06/03/2026 23:48

Can you just say to him don’t go to bed till everything’s done. Then when you get up to do it tell him what jobs he’s doing?
I appreciate that makes you the manager of the house as though he can’t see his own kitchen needs cleaning, but it’s probably better than game playing and being resentful.

exhaustDAD · 06/03/2026 23:51

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 06/03/2026 23:39

"Is there a reason why you clean the kitchen rather than leaving it to the morning to climb in bed for a hug?"

TF! So she should leave everything a right mess and scramble to bed in time for a hug? Why is isn't this fucker working with her until everything is done and then they can both fall into bed together.

Jesus, can the bar for women be any lower?

My H has NEVER EVER gone to bed leaving me to clear shit up. It's unthinkable. We've always worked together to help clear each other's plates so that we can spend time together.

Show quote history

Amen to this. I don't think I could bring myself to lie down all comfy cosy while my wife is slaving away in the kitchen cleaning... We always tag-team: Today I cooked dinner, and after that, while I was sorting out the dishes, my wife gave kid 1 a bath, and as she was drying his hair, by this time I was done with the dishes so moved on to give kid 2 a bath. With both kids in their PJs watching a cartoon I was cleaning the stove, countertops and kitchen island while my wife hoovered. Done. It's not rocket science, really. One just doesn't need to be a self-centered, entitled ass.

dazedandblue · 06/03/2026 23:56

Does he do any chore?

I do all laundry in our house, I don’t mind it, I find it an ok chore, easy and not annoying, and DH has done a load of laundry maybe once every 4ish years if that. He hates laundry.

However, DH does the bins, always. Takes the bin out, changes liners, deals with any gross messes, makes sure they are ready on collection day. I don’t think I’ve taken our bin out in 10 years. I loathe it and it makes me dry heave, he doesn’t mind it.

We’re both happy with the division of labour between the two and the arrangement.

Screamingabdabz · 07/03/2026 00:08

You need to start delegating jobs to him. If he’s too thick and selfish to observe that for himself you have no choice but to spell it out “…er before you go up to bed can you load the dishwasher while I sort out this washing?”

If you continue to be an uncomplaining domestic drudge, he’ll treat you like one.

rainbowsparkle28 · 07/03/2026 02:47

dazedandblue · 06/03/2026 23:56

Does he do any chore?

I do all laundry in our house, I don’t mind it, I find it an ok chore, easy and not annoying, and DH has done a load of laundry maybe once every 4ish years if that. He hates laundry.

However, DH does the bins, always. Takes the bin out, changes liners, deals with any gross messes, makes sure they are ready on collection day. I don’t think I’ve taken our bin out in 10 years. I loathe it and it makes me dry heave, he doesn’t mind it.

We’re both happy with the division of labour between the two and the arrangement.

The and mental effort and time though to keep up with both is not the same though, a few minutes possibly every few days / on bin day comparatively to likely multiple times per day involved when you consider doing the washing, hanging it out, putting it away, possibly ironing…

99bottlesofkombucha · 07/03/2026 02:58

Imagine thinking your husband takes the bins out once a week is a fair swap for doing all the laundry. I might start taking the bins out and suggest I shouldn’t do any more shopping and cooking ever since I do the bins every single week. He might, quite reasonably, divorce me though.

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 07/03/2026 03:24

A wash is a funny one as you do it anyway for the rest of the family. My ExH was also unappreciative and lazy so I stopped doing his ironing and would leave his stuff in a basket for him to fold and put away as that takes the most time. I stopped ironing for him as he once made a complaint about his shirt not being ironed ( I had only given birth to our second dc a few weeks earlier so that complaint was the straw that broke the camels back), so I am hearing you. This post isn’t really about how you do chores ect but instead his entitled attitude.

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 07/03/2026 03:25
  • complaiNed shirt was not ironed properly.
ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 07/03/2026 03:39

I stopped doing my DH’s when we retired, I realised I didn’t want to do it anymore. I can’t believe how much time it’s saved me especially after a holiday or a really muddy game of golf.
We had about three months where I nearly caved in and started doing it again. There was a lot of you are so good at it, it’s not the same when I do it and so on. Now four years on it’s great.

rommymummy · 07/03/2026 05:06

SAHM and I don’t do DH laundry. Adults can wash their own clothes. Especially if he doesn’t appreciate you doing it.

Colddayhotcuppa · 07/03/2026 05:20

rainbowsparkle28 · 07/03/2026 02:47

The and mental effort and time though to keep up with both is not the same though, a few minutes possibly every few days / on bin day comparatively to likely multiple times per day involved when you consider doing the washing, hanging it out, putting it away, possibly ironing…

Edited
Show quote history

I see this a lot on MN, 'DH/dp does the bins' as though it is equivalent to everything that women do apart from bins (and it's always women). It's ridiculous. I would love to do the 'the bins' in exchange for someoe else doing everything else.

Uvorange · 07/03/2026 08:11

dazedandblue · 06/03/2026 23:56

Does he do any chore?

I do all laundry in our house, I don’t mind it, I find it an ok chore, easy and not annoying, and DH has done a load of laundry maybe once every 4ish years if that. He hates laundry.

However, DH does the bins, always. Takes the bin out, changes liners, deals with any gross messes, makes sure they are ready on collection day. I don’t think I’ve taken our bin out in 10 years. I loathe it and it makes me dry heave, he doesn’t mind it.

We’re both happy with the division of labour between the two and the arrangement.

Not to derail the thread but I do at least 1 load of laundry a day. I collect it up, thinking about what items everyone might need in the next day or two, put it in to wash, then remember to go back and put it in the dryer or out on the line, retrieve it once it’s dry, fold it. And put it all away. It’s not a humongous job but it’s vastly different to the bin which just taking out every 2-3 days and only needs cleaning quickly in the garden with a hose probably once a fortnight. Once a week you take the bin to the curb.
I understand it’s not the nicest job but it’s a much easier one. We see all the time online men comparing mowing the lawn and taking the bin out and taking the cars for an annual service and mot, to the year round, every day cleaning, dishes, cooking and laundry. If you’re happy then that’s fine obviously but they’re not equivalent.

ifonlyitwasreal · 07/03/2026 09:30

I have no idea why you’re doing his laundry in the first place? A grown adult doing another grown adults laundry???

Extremely strange behavior. I’d stop immediately.

Original poster
Shleepymummy · 07/03/2026 09:56

exhaustDAD · 06/03/2026 23:40

Hi @Shleepymummy, ah, that is annoying. Little advice - instead of starting games, hoping that the hints will land as intended, it will be easier if you flat-out say things as they are. I am saying this to potentially save yourself some more headache. Because don't forget, once you decide not to do his laundry, he will not start realising immediately. It will be some time before it will be apparent that you are not (1-2 rounds of washing before he notices that his are not part of the cycles). And during that time you may be just seething, eating away at your own nerves, being in a state of constant annoyance. I know you mentioned asking him to help, but if I were you I'd give it another go, with more context. To have a conversation about the load and how it makes you feel, and very importantly - how him not hearing you in this matter makes you feel. You can even turn it serious and tell him where this road will lead your relationship. What do you think? Simply not doing his laundry may not pan out the way that it's good for you. And hey, a meaningful conversation may give you a definite look into how he actually views this problem. If it's absolutely shocking and demeaning, at least that would put things into perspective in terms of what to expect, and what your choices are...

Thanks for this- solid advice and makes sense. I was just so agitated last night I thought Ergh I'm not going to bother. But long term I know that's not going to work.
I'll have the conversation again. Hard to have without being labelled a nag! He defo thinks I nag too much which is ironic as nothing is done 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Shleepymummy · 07/03/2026 09:58

Uvorange · 07/03/2026 08:11

Not to derail the thread but I do at least 1 load of laundry a day. I collect it up, thinking about what items everyone might need in the next day or two, put it in to wash, then remember to go back and put it in the dryer or out on the line, retrieve it once it’s dry, fold it. And put it all away. It’s not a humongous job but it’s vastly different to the bin which just taking out every 2-3 days and only needs cleaning quickly in the garden with a hose probably once a fortnight. Once a week you take the bin to the curb.
I understand it’s not the nicest job but it’s a much easier one. We see all the time online men comparing mowing the lawn and taking the bin out and taking the cars for an annual service and mot, to the year round, every day cleaning, dishes, cooking and laundry. If you’re happy then that’s fine obviously but they’re not equivalent.

Edited
Show quote history

That's exactly it. Doing the bins once a week is not equivalent. Need to level out the playing field

OP posts:
Original poster
Shleepymummy · 07/03/2026 10:01

99bottlesofkombucha · 07/03/2026 02:58

Imagine thinking your husband takes the bins out once a week is a fair swap for doing all the laundry. I might start taking the bins out and suggest I shouldn’t do any more shopping and cooking ever since I do the bins every single week. He might, quite reasonably, divorce me though.

Maybe I'll suggest this?! I'll do the bins, you do the laundry and housework. Then I won't need to 'nag'. Deal? 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Shleepymummy · 07/03/2026 10:04

Screamingabdabz · 07/03/2026 00:08

You need to start delegating jobs to him. If he’s too thick and selfish to observe that for himself you have no choice but to spell it out “…er before you go up to bed can you load the dishwasher while I sort out this washing?”

If you continue to be an uncomplaining domestic drudge, he’ll treat you like one.

I have done this. Then he feels I'm nagging. So now and then I let stuff go but now it feels like he does nothing again. Crappy cycle

OP posts:
Original poster
Shleepymummy · 07/03/2026 10:09

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 06/03/2026 23:15

Is there a reason why you clean the kitchen rather than leaving it to the morning to climb in bed for a hug?
Im a single parent, but still manage all our laundry and work full time.
I don't think this is about chores, but how he appreciates you.

Because I'm out the door in the morning by 7.30. I also don't want to live in a dirty home. Quick clean before bed and it's done. I also would not want to hug him when he's just taken himself to bed whilst I crack on with laundry. Kick him in the groin-yes. Hug in bed- no way.

OP posts:
justforthisnow · 07/03/2026 10:12

I hate how the insult "being a nag" is weaponised by men, like it's the worst thing you can be, just for asking them to do the bare fucking minimum. God forbid we are labelled nags, so we soldier on with that vague threat hanging over us.