How to learn new skills in the bedroom?

[MummySharkDoodoododoo]

I hope this is ok to ask here. And I know people will say to ask DH what he likes etc but the truth is, neither of us had great sexual experiences before we got together 15 years ago and neither of us really knew what we were doing or what we wanted. We were both used to the other person taking the lead and not really considering our own enjoyment. But that’s about story but just explaining how things were. We tend to just have very basic sex that ticks the box but nothing overly ambitious or exciting.

anyway, 15 years on and we have kids and rarely get time alone together anyway. But I’m really keen to start putting a bit more effort into our sex life when we do get the chance. For both our sakes and to generally improve on that part of our relationship which has always taken a back seat (we both already had kids when we met and little childcare/support so never really had that focus at the start, didn’t get any child free nights or proper dating time).

Despite being together 15 years. We are both still not the best at communicating in the bedroom, mainly because we are both the kind of people who “don’t mind” with every aspect of life and just go with the flow. So he isn’t likely to really give me much guidance of what he wants/likes. He has Autism and Anxiety which contributes to the communication issues so please don’t just say he needs to communicate as it’s not that easy for him. So I’d like to find a way of learning some things that will feel good for him and hopefully kickstart a bit more adventure in the bedroom now the kids are a bit older/more independent. He is shy though!

He is also very much on the “small” side which really limits positions etc so perhaps we need more focus on foreplay.

anyway, sorry I’m rambling. What I’m really asking, is how do you find out this stuff as an adult who should probably already know!? 🙈 I don’t have friends I can talk to about that sort of thing. I suppose I’d like some sort of step by step guide with foreplay but how do I find that without ending up with porn sites just coming up?! 😳 Does anything exist to help women improve their sex life?

I hope this is ok to ask. I’ve tried to keep it as clean as possible!

No personal experience with it, but I've heard good things about OMGYes for exploring what you like but don't yet know you like!

Thank you. Is it an app?

Try some BDSM makes for a long session!

OMGYes is a one off payment website that is basically a load of personal accounts about what works and what doesn’t. It’s not bad and could be nice to watch together to open up conversations that you’re both too shy to start yourselves.

OMGYes was my first thought... BDSM was my second but I definitely wouldn't lead with that 😜

There's a sex board on Mn, too, OP, where you might get some ideas.

Does your dh give you any signals that he thinks things are lacking?
Imho, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm; upside down, in the shower on a bed, orally manually or piv the end result is similar. The lead up time sometimes isn’t worth it.
Sounds to me like your dissatisfied,

What is piv?!

Jenny Keane, has online workshops etc.

@Villanellesproudmum penis in vagina. Standard abbreviation google is your friend.

Some good advice already, I found the sex dice worked well as it was a game that prompted what we needed to do as opposed to talking it through first. takes all the stress out of thinking about what to do.

Thank you for the patronising but neverless explanation. Although wouldn’t describe Goggle as a friend, bit weird.

theres different books eg nancy friday series etc

My DH and I have only ever had sex with each other and only after we married. He bought a sensible text book on what to do, you might even find one in a local library. It just described some different positions and fortunately for me, explained clearly how important it was for both parties to be satisfied with the experience. He was also very shy and both totally inexperienced but he made it his mission to make sure I was happy and as a result I have never had to fake it!! Do just find a sensible book.

Firstly, OP, do you orgasm with him?

I recently took some inspiration from the my yearly eye test! We bow play the 1 or 2 game. So it can start with simple things like kissing his neck for 1 and kissing his lips for 2. DH says which number he preferred, you repeat that 1 and add a second and keep going making each time different. We both enjoy it and learn new things each time

I can’t help with “how to learn new skills” only can suggest just try it all. I did notice you said he was on the small side, out of curiosity what do you class as small ?.

My partner isn’t the biggest either so when we’re really in the mood he uses one of these sleeves. It really makes PIV so much different for a lot of reasons.

For some reason it won’t let me add the link to bottom of last post 🤷‍♀️

Or a bunch of PMs from pervy men.

Is that a thing ?

Yes, on the sex board.

What’s “the sex board” ?

The MN board on the Sex Topic.