How to learn new skills in the bedroom?

[MummySharkDoodoododoo]

I hope this is ok to ask here. And I know people will say to ask DH what he likes etc but the truth is, neither of us had great sexual experiences before we got together 15 years ago and neither of us really knew what we were doing or what we wanted. We were both used to the other person taking the lead and not really considering our own enjoyment. But that’s about story but just explaining how things were. We tend to just have very basic sex that ticks the box but nothing overly ambitious or exciting.

anyway, 15 years on and we have kids and rarely get time alone together anyway. But I’m really keen to start putting a bit more effort into our sex life when we do get the chance. For both our sakes and to generally improve on that part of our relationship which has always taken a back seat (we both already had kids when we met and little childcare/support so never really had that focus at the start, didn’t get any child free nights or proper dating time).

Despite being together 15 years. We are both still not the best at communicating in the bedroom, mainly because we are both the kind of people who “don’t mind” with every aspect of life and just go with the flow. So he isn’t likely to really give me much guidance of what he wants/likes. He has Autism and Anxiety which contributes to the communication issues so please don’t just say he needs to communicate as it’s not that easy for him. So I’d like to find a way of learning some things that will feel good for him and hopefully kickstart a bit more adventure in the bedroom now the kids are a bit older/more independent. He is shy though!

He is also very much on the “small” side which really limits positions etc so perhaps we need more focus on foreplay.

anyway, sorry I’m rambling. What I’m really asking, is how do you find out this stuff as an adult who should probably already know!? 🙈 I don’t have friends I can talk to about that sort of thing. I suppose I’d like some sort of step by step guide with foreplay but how do I find that without ending up with porn sites just coming up?! 😳 Does anything exist to help women improve their sex life?

I hope this is ok to ask. I’ve tried to keep it as clean as possible!

The Joy of Sex, a classic , is what you need!

I remember finding that book with the Delta of Venus in my parents wardrobe as a young teen. It was a welcome education and I still have a thing for a man with a beard 😁

Blimey! All our yesterdays this weekend.
Our kids found our copy. Neither they nor I let on that we knew.

I second the idea of starting with a book. The one we bought (old now but not as old as The Joy of Sex) was The Sex Book Suzi Godson. We were inexperienced too and now we are very experienced indeed.

Don't be afraid to take the lead in choosing things to try. If you're careful and thoughtful your DH will discover lots of things he enjoys through you. That's what I did. It's easier to get what you want when you take the initiative. Good luck.

Do not ask on the Sex board! You’ll get a whole range of (mostly made up) stories by creepy men recounting tales of how, as a 21 year old Brad Pitt lookalike, they accidentally ended up on a bus full of buxom nymphomaniac porn stars while backpacking across America with only a guitar and their 12” penis for company, and how they got on that bus in New York as a boy, and got off in LA 8 days later as a man. And now, as a 48 year old rock star, they are married top supermodels who taught them a thing or two with a whisk and a Sponge Daddy.

A book is the way to go.

Brilliant 😂 But yes, on the Sex board all the men posting (and it is 95% men) take every opportunity to brag about how they shag all night until the cows come home, then they shag the cows / bring their partners to a climax ten times a day just by giving her a klingon death grip / have to buy jumbo condoms from the zoo that are made for elephants. They are ridiculous.

For the OP - there is a website called Beducated where you can subscribe to learn sex tips. It has videos giving advice about all kinds of sex topics and it's professional and well regarded. You and your husband could watch the videos together or apart.

I also like Jenny Keane on Instagram. She does a lot of online courses about female pleasure, orgasms, blowjobs, becoming more sensual etc. Some individual and others are aimed at couples.

Lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram is often pushing a website called Beducated.

If this is genuine - try a few books. Tracey Cox, Suzi Godson, Paul Joannides.