Although I believe that context makes all the difference, I will make it fairly brief, as I would like to get feedback for this proposal mostly on its own merrit.
I'll say this much: we've met approx 4 years ago. The relationship has had many ups and downs, including months of breaking up multiple times.
I own a small home but struggle to get by on a day to day basis and have several k's in cc debt; he has equity on a shared house from a previous marriage but doesn't own otherwise. He does have significant savings and although he isn't a very high earner, makes a decently comfortable living.
Finances, specifically his anxiety around my debt and lack of resources has always been one of the big issues in our relationship. In fact, it's caused him to be "more cautious" with spending on me or even on us (as in nice dates out, especially earlier on in our relationship) as he felt I don't have the resources to contribute or reciprocate. (Thus any financial decision making so far hasn't exactly been mutual, but since I have less I mostly accepted that, it made sense. I dont know that "mutual decision making" will trully be mutual. But thats already entering more on the dynamics of the relationship)
All feedback, analysis and suggestions are welcome. Whether on the proposal or what ot may say about the relationship.
Here is the proposal:
Our Financial Understanding
Before you read it, I want you to know how much I love you and that I don’t ever want to get divorced again. Life is too short — we have suffered enough. I want us to grow stronger and stronger together and build the peaceful, loving life we both deserve.
Paradoxically, working through a scenario where we might separate can create space for us to stay together from a place of love and connection, rather than feeling trapped - whether financially or otherwise.
Income After Marriage
Once we’re married, both our incomes will go into a new joint account from which our ongoing living expenses will be paid.
We’ll make decisions together equally about how it’s spent, no matter who earns more.
We will live within our means, avoid debt at all costs, and build savings for emergencies, vacations, and retirement.
Significant purchases ($ -?) will always be discussed together.
If we were ever to separate, any savings accumulated in the joint account would be divided equally between us.
Debt
I want us to build our future on a clean financial slate. We'll consolidate your existing credit card debt, and I'll do my best to get support to pay it off — or cover it myself if needed. So that from day one, our financial interests are aligned, and we're fully focused on building our life together.
If we separate in the future, you would repay what I personally covered, excluding any funds that came from outside assistance.
Pre-Marriage Assets
Anything we each bring into the marriage — savings, investments, businesses, retirement accounts, or other assets — remains that person’s separate property.
These assets will not be considered joint property now or in the future.
Your Home in --
You will retain full ownership of your home in ----.
At the beginning of our marriage, we plan to spend part of the week and some weekends in a ----, so your children can adjust gradually.
The mortgage and regular monthly expenses (utilities, insurance, standard upkeep) will be paid from our joint account as long as maintaining two homes is financially sustainable based on our combined income.
If maintaining two homes becomes financially unsustainable — including if either of us is no longer working full time — we will rent the --- home to reduce financial strain.
Any capital expenses beyond regular monthly utility costs will be tracked and treated as a reimbursable contribution in the event of separation or sale.
If the home is rented, rental income will first cover the mortgage and property costs, and any excess will go into our joint account. If the home is rented, rental income will first cover the mortgage and property costs. Any remaining net rental income will remain your separate property.
If we separate, any appreciation in the value of the -- home remains entirely yours.
Buying a Future Home Together
If we purchase a future home together, each person’s initial contribution (such as a down payment from separate savings) will remain that person’s separate equity in the property.
Mortgage payments made from our joint account will build shared equity for both of us.
In the event of a separation, the property will be divided proportionally based on each person’s initial contribution plus the shared equity built through joint payments, and any appreciation will be allocated accordingly.