Husband left me tonight

[MrsJJ84]

As the title suggests .
we have to stay living together until eldest has done exams …
how .. just how?!
hand hold please

You will be okay. Take one day at a time.

What led to this?

Do you have support in real life?

No .i don’t have parents (passed away ) i haven’t told anyone .

Hand hold for you OP.
It will be a shock for a while, get everything together, how will you be left financially?

Truthfully it's nearly impossible to co-exist in a space when your relationship has ended. What do you mean when you say you have to...

Do you both want to call it aday. Or is it just one of you.

Mainly him but I can see positives to separating too

Son has GCSEs

Financially should be ok but hadn’t thought that far ahead

we have to stay living together until eldest has done exams

You have to or you want to?

I know it won't feel like it now, and it will take time, but you will get through it, and even more be happier at the end of it. If it has come to this, you know there are issues - presumably serious ones. Life can be wonderful when you are not burdened by an unhappy relationship! For now, just focus on the things that need to be done - children first, and then financial, logistical, emotional. Get some help if you can afford it. And, self-care, self-care, self-care. Good luck!

Have to . I can’t disrupt his exams

Ok if you have to stay living in the same house until exams finish (June/July?) then use this time as breathing space and planning for when it's time to separate officially. What do you need to do to make sure you and the kids will be ok financially? Do you need to get some legal advice? What arrangements you want to make for sharing custody and time with the kids. Make this time work for you. Can you move to a spare room under the guise of needing to sleep separately because of snoring/night waking?

Why now? Couldn't he have least waited until after exams are over? Or did he have to as everything has come to a head?
You'll get more support if you give at least a vague idea for the reason as people who have through the same will be able to give advice.
You don't have to, of course, its your business.

Use this time to begin the process quietly.

Start decluttering ruthlessly. If you aren't sure then ask yourself if you are willing to pay thousands of pounds for a (removal) man to move it from A to B. I found that question sharpened my mind considerably 😂

Finish off the smaller odd jobs. Paint/clean thoroughly.

Get all your paperwork together. Pension CETV can take months to come through.

Start the divorce process online if you are England/Wales. You have to have a 20 week cooling off period so that's 5 months wasted already.

Contact solicitors to see who you would like for the financials once exams have finished.

Start looking on Rightmove to see what is out there in your preferred price and location. Keep tweaking the parameters including number of bedrooms.

You don't have to tell DC anything as most of this falls under spring cleaning 😉 Good luck OP, a brighter more peaceful future awaits you

No I mean, are you choosing to or is he stopping you.

I’ve been living with ex through divorce, divorce was finalised in Dec and we are living together until house sold as can’t afford anything else. It’s been a difficult run, we are 18 month in now.

One day at a time is all I can suggest. I found it ok once the divorce in progress. It’s worn thin now and we are ripping each other apart now but only a few weeks left relatively speaking.

Let the shock wear off and then you can be practical. Doing helps.

Tell him to move out , men that leave relationships and family usually have someone else lined up .
don’t let him call the shots.

This is what I’m struggling with . Why couldn’t he wait and not put me in this position of having to live together . Things have been bad for a few years but also things did get better . I suppose he just reached a limit . We aren’t the same people we used to be

I would assume your child knows far more about the state of your marriage than perhaps either of you are prepared to admit. Kids are not daft and they do pick up on all the vibes both spoken and unspoken here. The atmosphere in that house may not be conducive re studying for exams and besides which these can be retaken anyway. GCSEs are not the be all and end all.

i would start both cluttering and seeking legal advice re the divorce process asap.

Because there will be someone else.

I fear OnlyMabelInTheBuilding Is correct
Sorry OP. Deep breathes. He has done an utterly selfish thing. You will have many people holding your hands

There may or may not be someone else. Honestly I don't think you can for should overly focus on that atm until you can talk more. I totally appreciate the getting through the GCSE's as I'd be the same. Only thing I can suggest is lots of space - as much as practically possible. Him staying with friends and family / hotels. You doing the same and alternating. You'll need a cover story for your child/children re: said space if you're wanting to keep the situation from them for now. Only you know best when it comes to how to deal with that / what's best for them for now. There is so much more opening up to be done. You will be in shock and your nervous system in overdrive. Take it easy.

Is there anyway you can go away for a few days? perhaps just even overnight and have two days away to really set yourself free and have some time to think about what happening?

I would say you need to grieve, but also start planning for the future - which is hard to do simultaneously and even harder with him still living there in the home. It will though focus your mind which may help to some degree

Id look on entitled2 website and see how you will fair after he moves out or you move out

I would seek out a solicitor for initial advice, and this will then allow you 3 months to think things over and investigate what your options are.

You may find that a weight has been lifted, especially if you are now different people and can do your own things and lead your own lives.

This is also where you draw back and look after you and your dc, leave him to do his own domestic chores and cooking etc

Sorry to say this but very often men only decide to leave for one reason. If I get jumped on fine but men don’t just leave because they’ve fallen out of love. Id get everything you need (paperwork etc) in these couple of months you’ll still be living together. Have a plan and work from there.