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Original poster

Why would he leave date so early, AIBU

47 replies

SingleladyNC · 02/03/2026 21:30

Had a first date this evening, it was our first time meeting, we matched on an app recently.

I previously had low confidence about my appearance due to a larger nose and being bullied about it when younger. Now I’m late twenties and confidence has grown with age, I often remind myself looks aren’t everything too.
Sadly it seems some men still judge women’s worth by their looks

I made such an effort with my hair and makeup tonight, nice clothes on, clean nails, nothing in my teeth, physically in shape. My pictures on dating app are unedited, clear and an accurate representation of what I look like. Despite that, the guy left after 30 minutes, didn’t even bother to make much of an excuse just said “right, I have to dash”

Of course I don’t expect everyone I match with to be attracted to me, however I felt really hurt that he left so soon and bluntly without bothering to even make an excuse.

I didn’t say anything rude or offensive, it was only ‘safe’ ice breaker conversations about work and where we grew up. We both naturally asked each other questions without it being interview style.

I haven’t struggled making friends as an adult, regularly socialise, so I don’t think it was me coming off as socially awkward. All I can think is he found me extremely physically unattractive to have left so soon. I mean you’ll often hear stereotypes about men who will hugely lower their standards when it comes to casual ‘easy’ sex

Even when I’ve been on dates with men who I’d not only found physically unattractive but also very socially awkward/strange I still stayed at least 1 - 1.5 hours and was polite enough to give them a chance, as I understand they’d still taken the time out to meet me

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 02/03/2026 21:33

Has he been in touch since? He could’ve genuinely needed to leave. If not and he didn’t fancy you, try not to take offence because sometimes it just doesn’t click and it’s better to end it than to pretend!

Lighterandbrighter · 02/03/2026 21:34

That is really shit. I'd like to think he had an emergency, but I think sadly you're right and that he's incredibly shallow. You know you looked good, so if you weren't his type then his loss.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/03/2026 21:37

What a prick

someone did this to me once on a SECOND date weirdly, I found it so rude and upsetting and my brain went everywhere … years later I met him again and he admitted that a group of his ‘ex’ gfs friends had walked in and given him evils, but really they were just ‘on a break’ and still living together and they’d messaged the ex who had messaged him… explaining it all. Point is, who knows why. The book ‘block delete move on’ might help you navigate stuff like this! X

ohyesido · 02/03/2026 21:37

You don’t know for sure it was your appearance? Maybe he just didn’t feel a spark.

Lavender14 · 02/03/2026 21:38

I think you're reading way too much into it op. You need to start looking at the facts of it - you don't actually have any idea why he left. But you're filling in the gaps with all your own insecurities and using it as a stick to beat yourself with.

I've been on dates with guys who were nice enough, attractive enough but it just didn't click so I didn't pursue it. I've done similar because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship.

For all you know this guy is still getting over a past relationship, maybe he just wasn't feeling it through zero fault of yours, maybe he's not in the headspace to be dating, maybe he thought you were wanting something more serious than he was, maybe he has a dodgy belly and shat himself a little! Why are you taking all this blame and frustration on yourself when you actually have no idea what happened? Have a bit more grace for yourself.

The other side of this op is that the way he left was rude. And it tells you a lot about him and how he treats other people and how he values their time. So turning the tables away from yourself, looking at his behaviour - is this someone you'd want to date? Are his values and attitudes aligned with your own? Because it sounds like they aren't really in which case why waste any more of your valuable time worrying about it.

MoonshineSally · 02/03/2026 21:41

My friend went on a date with a man who said he was going to the toilet and didn't return, he climbed out of the window and ran off.

Some men are pathetic and he's one of those.

Cetera · 02/03/2026 21:41

Lavender14 · 02/03/2026 21:38

I think you're reading way too much into it op. You need to start looking at the facts of it - you don't actually have any idea why he left. But you're filling in the gaps with all your own insecurities and using it as a stick to beat yourself with.

I've been on dates with guys who were nice enough, attractive enough but it just didn't click so I didn't pursue it. I've done similar because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship.

For all you know this guy is still getting over a past relationship, maybe he just wasn't feeling it through zero fault of yours, maybe he's not in the headspace to be dating, maybe he thought you were wanting something more serious than he was, maybe he has a dodgy belly and shat himself a little! Why are you taking all this blame and frustration on yourself when you actually have no idea what happened? Have a bit more grace for yourself.

The other side of this op is that the way he left was rude. And it tells you a lot about him and how he treats other people and how he values their time. So turning the tables away from yourself, looking at his behaviour - is this someone you'd want to date? Are his values and attitudes aligned with your own? Because it sounds like they aren't really in which case why waste any more of your valuable time worrying about it.

This is the best advice you’ll hear all year.

Raining12345 · 02/03/2026 21:42

What did you think of him? Try to forget what you think he thought of you and consider whether his opinion of you actually matters. Clue - it doesn't! Onwards and upwards. Find someone who you can talk for hours with.

Brightbluesomething · 02/03/2026 21:43

This is just confirmation bias. You’re self conscious and a date didn’t go well so you assume it’s because of something you already dislike about yourself. This is for you to work on. He probably wasn’t that interested or had something else going on. You’ll never know so put this down to experience and move onto the next one.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2026 21:43

he left so soon and bluntly without bothering to even make an excuse.

That hole in the wall behind your head is the bullet you dodged. This is how he treats people. You deserve better than that.

MrsLizzieDarcy · 02/03/2026 21:44

I'd say you had a lucky escape OP, and would thank him for showing you who he is so early on. Dust yourself down and try again.

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 02/03/2026 21:45

Or he could have instantly seen you were out of his league....

Philandbill · 02/03/2026 21:45

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2026 21:43

he left so soon and bluntly without bothering to even make an excuse.

That hole in the wall behind your head is the bullet you dodged. This is how he treats people. You deserve better than that.

This!

Original poster
SingleladyNC · 02/03/2026 21:45

ohyesido · 02/03/2026 21:37

You don’t know for sure it was your appearance? Maybe he just didn’t feel a spark.

I mean I have a strong feeling it was, because otherwise surely you’d give it more than 30 mins to judge spark/chemistry. I would say anyone who judges ‘spark’ in such short amount of time is focusing more on looks too

You’re not going find out much about someone in first 30 mins, and I wouldn’t even judge someone for being slightly nervous meeting a stranger. Some people take slightly longer to ‘warm up’ if you will

I sometimes feel I can’t properly judge spark/chemistry until after a second or third date

OP posts:
selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2026 21:47

SingleladyNC · 02/03/2026 21:45

I mean I have a strong feeling it was, because otherwise surely you’d give it more than 30 mins to judge spark/chemistry. I would say anyone who judges ‘spark’ in such short amount of time is focusing more on looks too

You’re not going find out much about someone in first 30 mins, and I wouldn’t even judge someone for being slightly nervous meeting a stranger. Some people take slightly longer to ‘warm up’ if you will

I sometimes feel I can’t properly judge spark/chemistry until after a second or third date

Show quote history

If he's that shallow, you don't want to date him.

Bullet dodged.

MoonshineSally · 02/03/2026 21:48

What did he look like OP? I bet he's no Brad Pitt himself.

janietreemore · 02/03/2026 21:48

It's not you OP, it's him him him him him. There was no passion at first sight so he buggered off. His loss. You need to be thick skinned for dating these days.

WallaceinAnderland · 02/03/2026 21:49

Maybe he was married and he saw someone who knew him.

Honestly OP, it could have been anything. He wasn't right for you so no loss anyway.

Coffeislife · 02/03/2026 21:51

One of my mates had this and proper beat herself up on looks , the guy messaged her like 4 months later.

He had been aiming to cheat on his gf and ballsed out.. he had since realised he wanted to cheat because something wasn't right and 'ended' the relationship and hoped she would give him a second chance because he had the morals to balls out 😂 an absolute shit of a man but.. point remains it is bot definitely a you problem.

ActoBelle · 02/03/2026 21:52

Even if it was about looks we can’t be attractive to everyone. Or attracted to everyone. I’ve fancied some not very conventionally good looking blokes because they’re my type. Likewise there’s some very good looking guys I know who I’m not attracted to….not because of personality, just on looks they’re not my type.

saying that if he’s seen your profile photo he must have thought you were ok.

halfpastten · 02/03/2026 21:54

He sounds rude and unsophisticated. OP you are far too good for a charmless oik like that. You know you look great, but you are much more than your looks. If someone doesn't get you that's their loss. See it as time saved. Situation like that do sting, but you'll be over it tomorrow. Onwards.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 02/03/2026 21:56

Had you spoken for long before arranging the date? Did you FaceTime? Or have a phone call/voicenote one another?

A friend of mine went on a date with a guy once who she’d never ‘spoken to’ and she was really taken by surprise at his accent/style of speech that she knew they wouldn’t work out.

Substance · 02/03/2026 21:57

Given that you had an accurate picture of yourself on the dating app, I very much doubt his leaving had anything to do with your looks. He sounds like a loser and you are well clear!

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 02/03/2026 21:59

Is it possible he was just expecting a quick shag and wasn’t interested in the get to know you chat?

Whatever his reasoning, you’ve dodged a bullet.

HappyMummaOfOne · 02/03/2026 22:00

SingleladyNC · 02/03/2026 21:45

I mean I have a strong feeling it was, because otherwise surely you’d give it more than 30 mins to judge spark/chemistry. I would say anyone who judges ‘spark’ in such short amount of time is focusing more on looks too

You’re not going find out much about someone in first 30 mins, and I wouldn’t even judge someone for being slightly nervous meeting a stranger. Some people take slightly longer to ‘warm up’ if you will

I sometimes feel I can’t properly judge spark/chemistry until after a second or third date

Show quote history

Sorry but I am someone who can tell in the first few minutes of meeting someone if we will get on well or not (friend or romantically) so I disagree that you can’t tell if there is a spark until you have spent a long time with someone.
I also disagree that it is to do with looks. When I was dating before I got married I would usually end a date because their personality didn’t match their messages, they seemed dull or boring, they could come across as rude or offensive (and not in a jokey way) and I just knew that they weren’t for me. Just because you feel it is polite to make small talk for 60-90mins doesn’t mean everyone wants to. Isn’t it better that he didn’t waste your time? Wouldn’t it have been worse to go on a few dates and hours of messages for him to figure out he wasn’t that into you?

Dust yourself off, get back on the apps and know you are one frog closer to finding your prince:)