how do you cope with hard of hearing family?

[ElasticAnimal]

DH is hard of hearing, tends to interrupt conversations, since he doesnt know people are talking
its exasperating

how can we overcome this?

I'm hard of hearing but hated the hearing aid as it picked up every shoe step and conversation around me.

Know I need to give it time but it's not the magical cure some may think it is. Turning on to hear group conversations but the extra noise of clattering cutlery is difficult.

Yes there are switches but only minimal so it's actually more difficult to tone in when hearing everything else.

My late nan did a lip reading course for some years sucessfully. She was a self aware and kind woman.
Two members of my family are in denial about their hearing loss, the shouting drives me around tbe bend tbf.

People chatting in a group is my idea of hell.

They turn away, cover their mouths, lower their voices, mumble, mutter, fake whisper, move around, shuffle their property/clothes/shoes, step behind one another, talk at once, laugh loudly or clap their hands (which is damn painful) and adding amplified hearing aid noise to the tinnitus and the background noise and everything else makes groups pretty much impossible to follow.

You can't lipread in six directions at once with all the extra noise and speech beside you coming in as well - adding the hearing aid on top just makes it painful as well as confusing and overwhelming.

Hearing breaks are a real thing. After a day at work, especially when the environment has been so unpleasant, it's a relief to take the thing out and just have sssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

There are Lyrics which are a game changer apparently ( I am not deaf but know children and adults who are, and they and their families have helped me understand how to be supportive) but the NHS won't fund them usually, even though they are the only thing which the people say help with tinnitus.
Hearing people can sometimes be very nasty and not understanding about how tiring it can be. I have been told how important it is to look at the deaf person and speak clearly but normally (not too fast, not too slow). There's videos on the Deaf Children's society page (I know this is an adult, but the principle is the same)

That is interesting

Do you have to have profound hearing loss to access this service? Or do they do it for anyone with hearing loss? Just wondering

It’s understandable to feel exasperated, but if he’s hard of hearing he’s likely interrupting because he genuinely doesn’t realise someone else has started speaking. It can help to agree on a subtle signal between you, make sure he can see everyone’s faces clearly, and choose quieter settings where possible. Framing it as something to tackle together, rather than a fault, often reduces tension and makes social situations smoother for you both.

My mother is now very deaf and the most frustrating thing is that she nods along, pretending she’s heard.

She could afford the best audiologists and the fanciest hearing aids but refuses to put her hand in her pocket. Says she struggles on the phone, so we made sure she got a mobile phone that would connect to digital hearing aids, but she won’t investigate that either. It’s so frustrating.

The NHS hearing aids she has are rubbish, but she won’t chase up for an audiology appointment and adjustment. Neither will she fork out for micro suction to remove wax build up.

There has been significant cognitive decline. I’m afraid my brother weaves tall stories to check she can hear him - and it’s just nodding along and “yes, yes….” Funny and sad in equal measure. If she hadn’t been so foul about her MIL and her refusal to wear her hearing aids, I’d have some sympathy, but our relationship is more difficult than ever these days as I just take it that listening to her children/grandchildren is just another thing she CBA with.

Some people who now have significant hearing loss forget how they acted in the presence of deaf people when they had good hearing. I suspect it could be these people who refuse to wear the aids.

My DH had lots of problems with too much background noise when he first had the aids, but now has fewer problems as he wears them most of the time, although not always both as wax is a problem. He finds a very old mobile (flip type) is the best for him.

@purpleme12 the service is for anyone who wouldn’t hear their smoke alarm going off without their hearing aids (ie at night). If you live with a hearing person, it’s less crucial (unless they’re away a lot). Some hotels and cruise ships now put them into your room on request.

If you have an acquired hearing loss it’s very difficult to learn that what you can’t hear isn’t there

The most important thing to remember is that it’s on YOU as a hearing person to change your behaviour towards the person with a hearing loss. They can’t do anything about it. I was diagnosed with hearing loss in my mid teens. I have experienced half a century of bad behaviour from hearing people ranging from sighs (you can see this even if you can’t hear it) to bullying. My friends are people who pay attention to what I need. Nobody with a hearing loss chooses it.

Its often said in disability circles that being blind is easier than being deaf because other people are kinder. Being deaf is very hard to experience. people with good hearing on the whole have no idea how isolating, humiliating and exhausting it can be, and treat the deaf person with a degree of anger and contempt which they would not contemplate towards a blind person.

I don't know if I'd hear my fire alarm at night or not to be honest

It's never gone off at night for me to see

When he has his audiology appointment, get them to adjust the settings. It is possible that it wasn't programmed well, if he's hearing everything at the same volume.

He DOES need to wear them regularly though for his brain to adjust. It takes a month or two of daily wear for your brain to sort of rewire to understand how to process the sound coming through a hearing aid.

Yep. Hearing aids are not the magic solution that everyone seems to think they are.
Some people get on better with them than others. I tolerate mine where necessary and take them off as soon as reasonably possible ie at home. Yes I do expect my family to adapt, aka make reasonable adjustments.

This, 100%

It would be great if there was a move for quiet dining by that I mean the design of the place muffled sound, customers were partially separated, noisy coffee machines were shielded, music reduced etc. London seems particularly bad with tables crammed together and no attempt at noise reduction.

Your audiologist would be able to look at your hearing test and give you a decent idea.

My mother is now very deaf and the most frustrating thing is that she nods along, pretending she’s heard.

Yes, my MIL is like this, she has some age related deafness and it's really frustrating.

My mum is partially deaf (no hearing at all in one ear and slightly reduced in the other) and has been since childhood. No mumbling or hands in front of mouths allowed, always walk the same side of her so I'm on her 'good' side. But she's not shy about saying when she hasn't heard or asking people to speak louder and it makes it so much easier. She has no working auditory nerve on one side so hearing aids are not an option for her.

My hearing is fading away. It is very frustrating it restricts conversations to formal face to face only. I cannot hear if someone is turning to speak to someone else.
Hearing aids are a disappointment compared to spectacles. Clarity is lost. I cannot go to concerts I lose 40% of the music from an orchestra and a choir is worse.
I watch a lot of ballet on Youtube with headphones. That is nice.

I am now on my 3rd set of NHS hearing aids, 64 years old, been wearing them 12 years. Never paid a penny, not counting nearly 50 years of NI contributions.

Good hearing aids don't make everything louder, they are tuned when the audiologist maps your hearing loss, mine is fine top and bottom both ears but poor in the middle frequencies. I think I have always had it to some degree, hereditary as many of my family have it.

They aren't a perfect replacement for the loss but they are way better than missing out on conversation or the plot on TV.

My latest set are Bluetooth enabled, I can answer the phone without taking it out of my pocket and have a conversation, it does look like I am talking to myself.

I know a few people who clearly need them but won't wear them due to vanity, mainly men.

My NHS hearing aids are better than the ones my sister paid 2k for privately.

I nod and smile and figure it out later quite a lot in conversation. It is just impossible to get hearing people to understand how little I can hear them. I have good friends who from 20 or 30 years practice automatically stop talking when a big car goes past, look for a corner without a speaker in a cafe, gently and nonconfrontationally tug other's hands from their mouths and in general subtly include me. But most people obviously make absolutely zero adjustments whatsoever, including persistently turning off captions in video calls at work, booking important meetings in very noisy places, turning on music at dinner etc, scheduling their most important conversation with me while they have their back to me and maybe while grinding coffee beans, running taps, or hoovering for good measure. 😂At some point you just give up and nod and smile, and figure it out later.

This thread is quite interesting, but not read it all yet. I’ve been with hard of hearing people - mostly elderly. It can take a bit more effort to ensure they’re included, but obviously less effort than they’re having to make. It’s effort speaking at a louder volume, remembering to face their direction etc. I temped at an organisation years ago with a young woman who was deaf - several colleagues there had learned how to sign. People can choose to include or exclude. A mild covid infection has led to me being almost completely deaf in one ear and reduced hearing in the other amongst other things - nothing that can be done apparently - and unbeknownst to me at the time is not that rare after covid. It is extra tiring in a group setting and I often have to fill in the blanks (only so many times you can say “pardon”) find one to one conversations easier. I find softly spoken or very strong accents almost impossible to understand now. Another big difference is background noise on tv programmes. I was surprised that bbc iPlayer doesn’t have subtitles. I think in hospitals there should be a sign above a patient’s bed saying if they have hearing loss, as I’ve seen older relatives not have a clue what’s being said and as much as you can remind staff, relative is one of many patients. I think some older people can be labelled more forgetful, when really they haven’t heard or have tried to fill in the blanks.

My best friend’s mum who she lives with is almost deaf in one ear and a lot in the other. She has hearing aids but doesn’t always use them. She does lip read. She also likes socialising so uses the aids then.

I was surprised that bbc iPlayer doesn’t have subtitles.
Mine does. I use them all the time.