Page 2 | how do you cope with hard of hearing family?

ElasticAnimal · 2026-03-02T17:18:35+00:00

DH is hard of hearing, tends to interrupt conversations, since he doesnt know people are talking its exasperating how can we overcome this?

JenniferBooth · 02/03/2026 18:39

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 02/03/2026 18:36

Bloody nightmare. My mother has deteriorating hearing yet refuses to address it or have any aids that could assist. Not sure if its just stubbornness or insecurity but either way most disagreements we have are due to her lack of ability to hear clearly and her expecting me to repeat myself several times.

My DM is exactly the same On a couple of occasions shes also said that ive said things that i havent said.

WhatNoRaisins · 02/03/2026 18:39

My biggest regret with a hard of hearing relative is how we tried to adapt to it in a way that a. made them more resistant to using the hearing aids and b. was unsustainable and led to resentment.

I think you have to carry on as normal as you can, reasonable adjustments are fine but no shouting so they can hear you or TV on so loud your ears ring. Give them an incentive to persevere with the hearing aids.

LayaM · 02/03/2026 18:40

So he's disabled then? Both hearing and vision impaired. I'd say in that case the onus is on other people in the conversation to make an effort to meaningfully include him, not expect him to be the one to make the adjustments. Unless he is hiding it, you could briefly educate family and friends on how best to converse with him.

Thistooshallpsss · 02/03/2026 18:43

All this criticism from people who don’t need hearing aids and do not understand their limitations and the discomfort. Noisy environments are awful and I can hear general noise but not what the person sitting next to me is saying. Mine are top of the range I wear them regularly and recently had to go to minor injuries because a bit had fallen off in my ear canal- apparently it’s quite common. Other people’s disabilities are so annoying aren’t they?

user1471453601 · 02/03/2026 18:48

I know it can be frustrating. I've worn aids in both ears for 20 years, but can still struggle.

but if also like to put the point that I (and I'm pretty sure others who are hearing impaired) can get frustrated at hearing people. For example, those that cover their mouth while they are talking to you, those that expect me to keep track of all the three conversations that are going on at the same time, those who insist on keeping the sound on the television/radio. And a special mention to those who laugh at me when I miss hear or don't hear them at all. They get very small shrift from me.

JenniferBooth · 02/03/2026 18:55

Thistooshallpsss · 02/03/2026 18:43

All this criticism from people who don’t need hearing aids and do not understand their limitations and the discomfort. Noisy environments are awful and I can hear general noise but not what the person sitting next to me is saying. Mine are top of the range I wear them regularly and recently had to go to minor injuries because a bit had fallen off in my ear canal- apparently it’s quite common. Other people’s disabilities are so annoying aren’t they?

My DM keeps asking me if i have phoned my aunt recently DMs SIL. My cousin is being treated for a very serious illness. I get the impression my aunt doesnt want to say the C word. DM wants to know how she is getting along but i would have to constantly repeat or raise my voice to get through to her. I dont think its fair to my cousin that my mums neighbours should hear my cousins private medical business because my DM refuses to help herself. And no i cant write it down because her eyesight is now so bad she cant even see to dial a phone number She was told she needed glasses in nineteen seventy five and refused them.

SauvignonBlanche · 02/03/2026 19:04

Hearing aids will never make you not deaf, unfortunately.
They do take a lot of getting used to as everything is amplified, not just the things you can’t hear, perseverance and gradually increasing wear is the key.

Improved awareness of the hearing people around your DH will help, making sure people face him and don’t all talk at once, for example.

BoudiccaRuled · 02/03/2026 19:12

Chatterboxy · 02/03/2026 18:03

My husband has worn hearing aids in both ears for 15 years plus.

Yes, I get so bloody frustrated at times, even though he wears them it can still be difficult, especially in a group setting, if we go out for dinner he sits with his back to a wall if possible due to background noise, he can turn them to cancel out background noise, but there not very effective.

He often shouts, even though he’s wearing them too, I cover my ears in frustration & then he gets cross!

Whe have the subtitles on the TV permanently!

People he dosent know makes it more difficult too, ie: in a restaurant the waiter will ask for his order, but he dosent hear them properly, then he’ll ask me what they said.
I don’t know what the answer is, but exasperated I definitely get!

Edited

Wow. I'm glad my husband isn't like you. You sound absolutely horrible. Well done on your good hearing. 10/10.

BoudiccaRuled · 02/03/2026 19:15

user1471453601 · 02/03/2026 18:48

I know it can be frustrating. I've worn aids in both ears for 20 years, but can still struggle.

but if also like to put the point that I (and I'm pretty sure others who are hearing impaired) can get frustrated at hearing people. For example, those that cover their mouth while they are talking to you, those that expect me to keep track of all the three conversations that are going on at the same time, those who insist on keeping the sound on the television/radio. And a special mention to those who laugh at me when I miss hear or don't hear them at all. They get very small shrift from me.

Well said, hear, hear!
(Scuse the pun)
Hearing people can be just so obnoxious. It puts me right off them.
ETA hearing people = people with hearing

Lemonade2011 · 02/03/2026 19:28

Jeez, being hoh is exhausting. Trying to watch people’s faces whilst talking to them to make sure you catch everything whilst they chew a pen/rub nose turn away etc, having to ask people to repeat themselves or asking partner what was said. Struggling in loud places/group settings where lots are speaking. Hearing the bloody fridge buzzing. Tinnitus, itchy ears from the aids and after a full day of trying to hear it’s pretty exhausting.

And other people are exasperated?….yes I have the subtitles on, yes you need to face me to speak to me, no I won’t always catch everything if there’s background noise or you’re obscuring your face/bad lighting. I have to use FaceTime on the phone, and concentrate really hard when working face to face or parents eve at school etc but it’s quite isolating and horrible to constantly be trying to hear and to ask people to accommodate me, plus all the other sensory input from trying to compensate for hearing that isn’t working. It’s bloody frustrating not being able to hear, and bloody frustrating dealing with people who don’t want to make themselves heard to accommodate you, or really care how tough it is for someone with hearing loss, - I wear bilateral hearing aids.

People will say well you’ve got your hearing aids in, yep, they are amplifiers but if everyone is talking at once or if there is lots of background noise it’s game over, even lip reading doesn’t work. It’s tiring too so I avoid group situations like that as I end up sat there without a clue what the conversation is about. It’s not other people’s fault but some understanding would also be nice.

Hhhwgroadk · 02/03/2026 19:32

If people notice someone is wearing hearing aids they should always turn towards them when speaking. My husband was increasingly deaf for over 30 years before he had hearing aids. At that time they would not have benefitted him as they were very basic. More modern aids are available and help with noise induced deafness (aircraft and ship engine noise). He has to wear them all the time to get any benefit, although sometimes he has to use one at a time as they can increase ear wax which causes problems.

Original poster

ElasticAnimal · 02/03/2026 19:33

thank you all
i agree it is frustrating for him and I should try and be kinder

OP posts:

OnlyTomSaidThat · 02/03/2026 19:38

My only experience is from young ds, he now wears his aids full time but at the beginning it was exhausting for him and we had to build it up. It's a lot to process, have you ever stuck an aid to your ear or got one of the stethoscope type things for testing them? Everything is so loud, it's hard to filter all normal noises to the one you need to concentrate on. He still heavily relies on visuals and facial expressions in the classroom or in social situations.

Thedaysaregettinglongeryay · 02/03/2026 19:50

ElasticAnimal · 02/03/2026 17:35

i think the problem with his hearing aids is that they just make EVERY thing louder, which doesnt necessarily help
we need to look into digital i think

NHS hearing aids have been digital for over twenty years. I don’t think anyone has non-digital hearing aids these days.

It might seem they make everything louder but they will have been programmed specifically for his hearing loss and will be constantly adjusting themselves depending on sounds around.

He needs to wear them as much as possible so his brain adjusts to hearing background noises again. But this does take some perseverance, does he have the volume control activated so he can maybe turn them down a bit in noisy places while he gets used to them? Or has he linked them by Bluetooth to his mobile which will probably allow a few more adjustments temporarily? Or if he still finds it hard he can go back to the provider and they can tweak the sound.

TaraRhu · 02/03/2026 19:51

Lemonade2011 · 02/03/2026 19:28

Jeez, being hoh is exhausting. Trying to watch people’s faces whilst talking to them to make sure you catch everything whilst they chew a pen/rub nose turn away etc, having to ask people to repeat themselves or asking partner what was said. Struggling in loud places/group settings where lots are speaking. Hearing the bloody fridge buzzing. Tinnitus, itchy ears from the aids and after a full day of trying to hear it’s pretty exhausting.

And other people are exasperated?….yes I have the subtitles on, yes you need to face me to speak to me, no I won’t always catch everything if there’s background noise or you’re obscuring your face/bad lighting. I have to use FaceTime on the phone, and concentrate really hard when working face to face or parents eve at school etc but it’s quite isolating and horrible to constantly be trying to hear and to ask people to accommodate me, plus all the other sensory input from trying to compensate for hearing that isn’t working. It’s bloody frustrating not being able to hear, and bloody frustrating dealing with people who don’t want to make themselves heard to accommodate you, or really care how tough it is for someone with hearing loss, - I wear bilateral hearing aids.

People will say well you’ve got your hearing aids in, yep, they are amplifiers but if everyone is talking at once or if there is lots of background noise it’s game over, even lip reading doesn’t work. It’s tiring too so I avoid group situations like that as I end up sat there without a clue what the conversation is about. It’s not other people’s fault but some understanding would also be nice.

I don't think she is implying that hearing loss is easy. It certainly isn't and you are correct to point out the limits and frustrations of aids.

Think the exasperating part is that he isn't making any adjustments and putting the onus on her to adapt to him. He isn't trying at all to adapt to his condition. That is very exhausting and somewhat selfish.

Original poster

ElasticAnimal · 02/03/2026 19:51

i am not sure if they have bluetooth
he does have a long awaited appointment with audiology coming up so perhaps they will provide new ones.

OP posts:

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/03/2026 19:53

Unfortunately, people think hearing aids solve everything. They don't.

My gran is very dead but hearing aids just don't work for her, even the digital ones.
When I take her out it is very tiring for us both not to mention, disruptive to everyone else when you're talking loudly so they can hear.

It can't be on your husband all the time to check lips, people could be talking one second and then over to the next person - he could easily miss someone talking.No solution but yeh, I get it

JenniferBooth · 02/03/2026 19:55

TaraRhu · 02/03/2026 19:51

I don't think she is implying that hearing loss is easy. It certainly isn't and you are correct to point out the limits and frustrations of aids.

Think the exasperating part is that he isn't making any adjustments and putting the onus on her to adapt to him. He isn't trying at all to adapt to his condition. That is very exhausting and somewhat selfish.

Show quote history

My late dad had to keep getting up and down out of his seat to speak directly into her ear. He had prostate cancer at the time and was bloody exhausted

Thedaysaregettinglongeryay · 02/03/2026 19:57

TaraRhu · 02/03/2026 17:54

I have two experiences of this. One is a relative with profound hearing loss. She has to wear aids and does . She cannot hear at all really without them. But it is very challenging for her. The aids are uncomfortable, run out of batteries and just skim the edges of the loss she has. It's not ideal situation. She lives along and often doesn't wear the aids at home. She is not good at checking her phone (dependant on texts) and sometimes goes out of contact much to the worry of her family. She also doesn't hear certain sounds like the fire alarm or door bell. But everyone is patient with her as she tries.

My other relative, a male one, will not a)accept his hearing loss b) acknowledge there is any issue c) blames everyone else for speaking to low d) says the audiologist is just wanting to make money. He will not wear aids under any circumstances. He has a very expensive pair but has not worn them no to used to them and said he was chucking themout. This has caused an enormous upset with his partner and patience is low (and the tv is loud).

So I know what you are going through. Sadly I'm not sure he will ever accept it. The only thing that could helped pursue him to buy the aids was finding an audiologist he liked. Sadly this hasn't made him actually wear them. I also think the aids are quite horrible. It's not like wearing specs , it doesn't normalise hearing . So I think that may be part of the problem.

Does your relative with severe/profound loss know that she can contact the fire service for a home safety visit ( if in UK, I think this is all over) and they can fit a vibrating fire alarm to go under pillow? Also, if aids are uncomfortable, there might well be something that can be done about this if she asks her audiologist.

HappyFace2025 · 02/03/2026 20:00

Hhhwgroadk · 02/03/2026 17:56

My DH has noise induced deafness. Hearing aids have only been effective for the last 20 or so years. When he got them he found everything was very loud, even birdsong which he hadn't heard for years. He missed so much before, childrens' voices, sounds in nature, alarms, car engines etc, but it wasn't his fault at that time.

To get the best out of the aids you must wear them all the time, just like false teeth and contact lenses. You don't get used to them unless you do that. It is very rude for everyone else to have to shout because you are too lazy (yes that is what it is) to wear them. I would/do refuse to engage with the person refusing to wear hearing aids. Would you feel safe if someone drove a car without them wearing glasses if needed?

You really have no empathy for deaf people it seems. I am profoundly deaf and have to wear hearing aids but when I am out in a cafe or restaurant or otherwise where there is a crowd of people in a room I cannot hear what other people who are with me are saying, all I hear is noise. So when I'm at home I don't wear the aids; my partner is patient with me as he understands.

curious79 · 02/03/2026 20:05

When someone is hard of hearing, them wearing their hearing aids is 50% of the effort. But the other 50% has to be everyone around them talking in a way that allows them to follow and get involved. However, someone who never actually listened through their life who then becomes hard of hearing is likely to be a nightmare. Has he always interrupted others if you’re being honest?

beAsensible1 · 02/03/2026 20:10

LayaM · 02/03/2026 18:40

So he's disabled then? Both hearing and vision impaired. I'd say in that case the onus is on other people in the conversation to make an effort to meaningfully include him, not expect him to be the one to make the adjustments. Unless he is hiding it, you could briefly educate family and friends on how best to converse with him.

This.

encourage him to wear his aids but also adapt to his needs. Make sure he can see your face when you’re talking ffs.

Original poster

ElasticAnimal · 02/03/2026 20:16

i dont think he has interrupted @curious79
it is absolutely a recent thing
it is my family that are famous for that! without any excuse apart from being over excited

OP posts:

Ronnyfrau · 02/03/2026 21:22

I've had the fire service out to do a home check and they provided a vibrating fire alarm and linked smoke detectors. Such a relief for me because ds was young and DH away with work and I wasn't sleeping properly in case there was a fire and I didn't hear our smoke detectors.

And they showed up in a fire engine much to young ds's delight.

Hhhwgroadk · 02/03/2026 22:42

HappyFace2025 · 02/03/2026 20:00

You really have no empathy for deaf people it seems. I am profoundly deaf and have to wear hearing aids but when I am out in a cafe or restaurant or otherwise where there is a crowd of people in a room I cannot hear what other people who are with me are saying, all I hear is noise. So when I'm at home I don't wear the aids; my partner is patient with me as he understands.

Show quote history

I do, but when someone refuses to use the aids provided/paid for that is a different issue. Profoundly deaf people have a different tone of voice and intonation. It is very important to speak clearly and directly to them and not shout or cover your face/lips. Those with noise induced or age related hearing loss find it very difficult to lip read and often miss the point. So time using the aids is vital to get the most benefit and cope with the issues related to them.