Feeling dreadful, I need to write something

[Touty]

I lived abroad for over 10 years with a partner, for various reasons I couldn’t hack it anymore.

I moved back to UK and bought a house on my own. He will not move with me.

I feel so lonely and bereft. I feel like I’m all alone in the world, nothing to look forward to and just waiting to die.

I feel like a stupid woman, I made great personal sacrifices to live abroad etc. He has not put himself out one bit and seems to have everything in his terms.

I feel depressed and bitter.

Roughly how old are you?

You've chosen to write this now - so that means something. The only way is up. If I had more time just now, I'd explain what's behind that trite platitude.

Tell us more about yourself.

You’re going through a difficult time. I’d reframe it as freedom - free from the demands of someone who does not take your feelings or needs into consideration, free to live as you choose and to form new friendships and do what you want, when you want to, and go to any place you wish. You don’t need a man to do any of this.

I’m 52.

His way or the highway, eh? He sounds selfish and of no benefit to you. Chalk him up to experience and move on.

Well it sounds like you wasted 10 years with a selfish loser.

Sorry to be blunt.

However, you now have the rest of your life to be fabulous. Sod him. Get some therapy and go live your best life without him.

At 52 you have the wisdom of middle age and hopefully decades ahead of you. Stick two fingers up to him and live the life you want to. Good riddance.

@Touty I feel like I’m all alone in the world,

Awful situation for you, OP. You're better off without him, but of course it doesn't feel that way right now. As much as you can, put your efforts into re-building your life in the UK. Try to connect with people and activities that you can enjoy even a little bit, fix up your house, put him in the past where he well belongs.
x

52 is not old to make a fresh start - I’m 60 and was in a similar place mentally 5 years ago.

Try not to think of the years as wasted - I’m sure there were some good times but you got out of situation that wasn’t working for you - you should be very proud.

Create the life you want for yourself now.

Easier said than done, I know, but you’ve already made a huge step.

Following with interest and sending hugs x

My life went tits up at 48. I had been a trailing Spouse.

Its been tough but at 53 im living my best life. Ive had to train and study find a job relocate. Bloody hell ive been out of my comfort zone and there has been tears but slowly ive rebuilt my life. If I can do it (my self confidence is not good) anyone can.

Start making a list of 20 reasons/things that are positive about not being with him amd what you want to do for yourself that you know you'd probably never do when with him.
It can be mundane or big stuff. For me my ex snored like a bloody jet plane that went on my list. Not having to plan "dinner" every night, I can go away where ever (funds permitting) and whenever I like - etc etc.
Its easy to look back and think maybe he wasn't that bad but don't romanticise it. You left for xyz reason and remember that.

Right now is a period of adjustment. Some days will be tough but bit by bit rebuild yourself the life you want and deserve.

Sorry if this is an annoying comment, but at your age, low mood may be hormonal as well as circumstantial. Have you considered HRT? Apologies if not relevant to you.

Have you officially split up? Or is it still limping on?

Try to take things one day at a time and, each day if you can, plan something for yourself, do something for someone else, try to eat reasonable food.

If you have good health, then you have a lot of good years ahead of you.

im on hrt
i think I need to change antidepressants

You've bought a house on your own. That is a massive positive!

It's not the same, but my DH died when I was 50. It was awful, but I have to say, 5 years on, as a single woman, I really am living my best life. There is literally nothing you can't do with the freedom of being a single middleaged woman.

Give yourself some time OP, then think a about how you really want to spend your time and do it.

Hello OP, I am in a very similar situation to you, I was living abroad for 8 years with my partner and things became unbearable, its a huge shift in life such a change. I had a similar thread recently and many people said don't. see it as a wasted 8 years and try to focus on the good times and be proud you made it out..
A couple of things it is a horrible time of year but it will soon be spring, sounds like you need something to keep you busy ( new hobby maybe) and it does sound like you need to see the GP for med review. I hope you start to feel better soon.

This is me now, Im 47 my DP is still abroad and an alcoholic. Im gutted, I miss the life I thought I was going to have 😪.

I feel so lonely, the house is so quiet. No one to share things with

Hopes and dreams - none

How long have you been back? Do you have any friends or family locally? Do you go out in the evenings, exercise classes or art classes or a book club, places you might meet people? What do you do at the weekend? Could you get a cat or dog?

Do you work? Do you volunteer at all? They are also possibilities for increasing your docile circle.

I spent 46 years supporting and following my husband around the world. Returned to his home country, he wants to be single, I am of no further use to him.

Oh OP! Your best years are yet to come!

I got divorced at 51, met my lovely partner and couldn’t be happier. We both have space in our lives to do as we please.

my thoughts are:

Up the antidepressants
sort the HRT
Get a good makeover - I got new hair and a shit ton of filler and peels
Make sure you’re happy with your weight (I used jabs)
Get a pup
treat dating especially OLD like a hobby, not a means to an end
say yes to every invitation
look how far you’ve come!

lots of love!

Try Meet-up!

The worst is already over. It gets better from here. Sign up for some social activities. I bet that in a month or two you will look back at this post and find it unrecognisable.

@Toutyhow are you feeling?

@devfire not good, how are you?