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Original poster

Father hates my partner and his family

29 replies

anonymouss472828 · 25/02/2026 20:13

Back story, my dad didn’t like my sons father or his family we were together for 10 years and we split due to on going cheating, fast forward I’m in a new relationship I have been for 5 years and surprise my dad doesn’t like him or his family and says horrible nasty stuff about them and when I told my dad we were pregnant fair to say he wasn’t best pleased
my ex and now partner are completely different people and he has no reason to hate him, he hated him before he even met him because of his job.
i feel so stuck in middle and because ive distanced myself a little due to all this and horrible things my dad has said to me in past (eg im a bad mum as I couldn’t afford to get sons hair cut for 5 weeks when I become a single mum after me and ex split) and that’s just the half of it.

if I fully cut him off he says he will go to court for grandparents rights to see my son but my son doesn’t want to see him even though I try as hard as I can to make sure they have a relationship.

I just don’t get how he can be like this and I can really say how I really feel about it all and I just get shut down and it’s everyone fault but his and now at a loss what to do as it’s causing so much stress for me while being pregnant

OP posts:
Branleuse · 25/02/2026 20:14

He wouldn't get grandparents rights. Don't worry about that.
I'm sorry your dad is such a prick x

HappyFace2025 · 25/02/2026 20:15

He has no grandparents rights in law. Can you go low or no contact with your father? 💐

Original poster
anonymouss472828 · 25/02/2026 20:17

Branleuse · 25/02/2026 20:14

He wouldn't get grandparents rights. Don't worry about that.
I'm sorry your dad is such a prick x

He would want his one day a week a couple hours but my son refusing to go just now so I know it wouldn’t make a difference but he thinks someone has filled my sons head to hate him when no one has, he thinks my partner and his family have when they dont even know what my dad says about them or that he doesn’t like them, I’ve kept it all to myself for so long

OP posts:
Pearlstillsinging · 25/02/2026 20:19

Grandparents have no rights. Your father sounds like a nasty abusive man, who is best ignored.
If your son doesn't want to see him, I really think you should listen to the lad and stop trying to force a relationship.

Original poster
anonymouss472828 · 25/02/2026 20:22

Pearlstillsinging · 25/02/2026 20:19

Grandparents have no rights. Your father sounds like a nasty abusive man, who is best ignored.
If your son doesn't want to see him, I really think you should listen to the lad and stop trying to force a relationship.

He is horrible and sometimes I wish he wasn’t how he was and I’d having a loving father but at the age of 30 I know he will never change, my son says he hates him and I’ve asked why but he doesn’t give a reason just he hates him and doesn’t want to see him

OP posts:
Ernestina123 · 25/02/2026 20:25

Grandparents have no rights to see their grandchildren.

The only times the courts will get involved is where eg the children have been living full time with the grandparent and a sudden end to the relationship will be damaging to the child.

This obvioulsy does not apply in your case so you can stop worrying.

Your father could get a solicitor to write you a letter asking for access/mediation. Solicitors will write virtually anything if asked. You do not have to engage with this.

category12 · 25/02/2026 20:30

Listen to your son and keep him away from your father.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/02/2026 20:42

He has not a leg to stand on re grandparents rights. The onus would be very much on he to prove a relationship would be beneficial for your son. Given that your son does not want to have a relationship with him please listen to your child and stop forcing a relationship between them. Examine why you’ve been doing this at all, it’s likely out of your own FOG re your dad. Perhaps you were hoping that he would somehow behave better this time around than he did with you. Sadly and more often than not toxic parents like your dad are toxic as grandparent figures too.

He was not a good parent to you when you were growing up and he has not changed. He has not apologised nor has accepted any responsibility for his actions has he, no.

You are likely mired in Fear obligation and guilt; three buttons he installed in you. It’s not your fault your dad is the ways he is and you did not make him that way. Remember that if he is too toxic/difficult for you to deal with it’s the SAME deal for your child too. Keep your child as well as you well away from your dad going forward. You will thank yourself for doing so. Do consider reading Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/02/2026 20:43

You will need to grieve for the relationship you should have had with dad rather than the one you actually got.

CelticSilver · 25/02/2026 20:46

What's your partner's job?

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/02/2026 20:47

anonymouss472828 · 25/02/2026 20:17

He would want his one day a week a couple hours but my son refusing to go just now so I know it wouldn’t make a difference but he thinks someone has filled my sons head to hate him when no one has, he thinks my partner and his family have when they dont even know what my dad says about them or that he doesn’t like them, I’ve kept it all to myself for so long

Show quote history

He would want his one day a week a couple hours. What on Earth do you mean? He doesn’t have one day a week or any right to any access to your child. Listen to your boy, he doesn’t hate his granddad for no reason.

SpryCat · 25/02/2026 20:50

Your dad likes to badmouth everyone close to you because he is trying to make you feel miserable. He likes to play mind games to make you doubt yourself and feel small. Your son doesn’t want to visit him so he makes threats and blames everyone else for his own toxicity that drives everyone away.

Original poster
anonymouss472828 · 25/02/2026 20:53

CelticSilver · 25/02/2026 20:46

What's your partner's job?

He used to work in a supermarket my dad used to call him a council estate shelvestacker but he is now a manager at a different job, he makes makes roughly 50k a year now but before he only made min wage.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonymouss472828 · 25/02/2026 20:59

SpryCat · 25/02/2026 20:50

Your dad likes to badmouth everyone close to you because he is trying to make you feel miserable. He likes to play mind games to make you doubt yourself and feel small. Your son doesn’t want to visit him so he makes threats and blames everyone else for his own toxicity that drives everyone away.

Edited

He he was so good with my son but about 7/8 months ago is when it started he hates him doesn’t want to go ext so since then I’ve been going with him but it doesn’t help, I would love to cut contact but I know it would make everything worse and not sure how to go around this

OP posts:
category12 · 25/02/2026 22:06

How would it make things worse to end contact? Placating bullies doesn't work.

You're making your son be with this man he hates. There's a reason his feelings have changed and he's now scared or unhappy around him.

By making him go, you're teaching him that his feelings don't matter. You're teaching him that you don't have his back and he can't trust you, that you will cave in to this man rather than keep him safe.

PruthePrune · 25/02/2026 22:20

Going NC can't possibly make things worse from the sounds of things. Legally your dad doesnt have a leg to stand on so let him huff and puff. Ask yourself OP, in relation to your dad what exactly are you scared of? Answer that question then your dad will lose power over you.

Diarygirlqueen · 26/02/2026 09:44

Why are you making your young son go somewhere where he hates? Put him first and not your bully of a dad.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/02/2026 10:25

Your dad is a deranged controlling bully and you need to cut contact.

He cannot get ‘grandparents rights’ in court. It’s not a thing. Grandparents don’t have a legal right to see their grandchildren in the situation you describe. It might apply if your kids were in the care system, but parents have zero legal obligation to facilitate contact with grandparents. Your dad sounds like an abusive bully.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/02/2026 10:26

CelticSilver · 25/02/2026 20:46

What's your partner's job?

It doesn’t matter what her partner’s job is. It still wouldn’t make it OK for her dad to be complete cunt to his daughter.

ChikinLikin · 26/02/2026 10:34

Sorry your dad is so horrible. My advice would be to take a break from him for six months for starters: "Sorry Dad, your criticisms of me and my partner are really stressing me out. My doctor has advised me to avoid all stress for the remainder of my pregnancy. So I'm going to take a six month break from you. Best wishes, anony"
Take care!

WellHardly · 26/02/2026 10:35

I certainly don’t think you should force your child to see his grandfather, and as pos have said, he has no legal right to contact, but, being devil’s advocate, given that your father didn’t like your previous partner, who was unfaithful to you, is there any possibility he’s scented something off about your current partner too?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/02/2026 10:36

OP
re your comment
"I would love to cut contact but I know it would make everything worse and not sure how to go around this"

Why would it make everything worse?. You seem very fearful of him even now as well as being mired in your own FOG.

Your dad would kick off?. Let him kick off. What can he realistically do here?. Nothing except further trying to intimidate you. Do not appease bullies because trying to do so makes things far worse. You have been conditioned by your father to put him first with your own needs dead last. You matter and for that matter so does your son. He should not have to see a relative he hates.

You do not need to announce that you will have no further contact with your father. Block all ways of he being able to contact you. If he sends in people to do his bidding for him ignore them as well.

Do read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

saraclara · 26/02/2026 10:39

Has your son heard him rant about your partner and criticise you?

onelumporthree · 26/02/2026 10:54

@anonymouss472828 Can I ask about your mum? Is she with your dad and how does she feel about this?

HeadyLamarr · 26/02/2026 11:01

Your father is talking out of his backside. He can't go to court and get "rights" because he has none.

Why are you still engaging with this nonsense? Value yourself.

Don't spend time on people who trash talk about you and drag you down. Don't send your son to see a grandparent he doesn't want to see. Don't waste any more time and energy on your father.

I'm sorry he sucks, but that's not something you can fix. Hold your head high and walk away.

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