Partner acting aggressive suddenly in pregnancy

[Ghissinbs]

Hello im just looking for some support, I have a young son and 7 weeks pregnant with my new partner who I’ve been with for nearly a year it hasn’t always been easy and we have had a couple of break ups mainly due to an abortion that I had last year due to medical issues and we were in general not ready anyway but it did take a toll on us both i ended up pregnant on the pill some how and we have been so excited and taking it as it’s meant to be. In a recent argument he acted very aggressive towards me it’s usually due to money etc, we are both under a lot of stress but he grabbed me and was extremely loudly shouting throwing stuff etc this has terrified me due to my past relationship with my sons dad, which was only just resolved last year in court as most of the avusive behaviour happened after our separation. He knows how on edge I am about this and how much anxiety I have about this (as that situation did come with police and social work involvement) the fight we had has just made me spiral and completely broke my heart, I really don’t want to have an abortion im so upset that he would act this way towards me. We both have our own houses and have since broken up because I do not tolerate even shouting in my household i do not want any sort of commotion or any services being involved disrupting me and my sons peace. I’m so scared if 1. a neighbour has reported it 2. For my unborn baby and what this means for me as I could barely survive as a single mum with just one child. How can I cope with this and move on, I feel like a total failure for a situation like this happening in my sons home after we have been through so much together. New partner works hard, has a very supportive family and has always been good with me and my son, I just can’t accept that hes went on like this with me

You said yourself this is a new partner.
Youve already had a couple of break ups in less than a year.
Youve already become pregnant twice and at least one of those was not deliberate according to your post.
In your own words you barely coped with one child as a single parent.

Fix your birth control and think carefully about your life choices. One child already and another on the way into this complicated toxic situation is cruel.

He thinks your trapped now your pregnant, you need to leave him it will only get worse.

Oh I'm so sorry this has happened OP.
Unfortunately pregnancy is one of the known triggers for DV to start, when the woman is very vulnerable.

It's not yout fault. Don't feel guilty. Whatever stress you are both under it doesn't excuse your partner's behaviour

But you cant " get past this". You can't wait for things to escalate and live in fear that they will. Please seek advice from Women's Aid or The national Domestic Abuse helpline, or similar.

You aren't safe.
Your dc won't be either.. Having a baby with him will create more abuse imo. Either have an abortion or move far away and don't tell him where..

I’m so sorry, I know it feels impossible, bit I wouldn’t tie myself to this man by having his child, your life will me miserable.

Thanks for the replies like I said I ended it with him as I have severe anxiety around conflict and would love to have this baby I just don’t think i could financially cope on my own unfortunately just feel terrible

Thank you however it is difficult when someone you love and trust lets you down like this knowing your situation and everything that has happened, of course I would not stay with him after a situation like this, I just meant that I struggled financially with one, I have a new job but being pregnant sort of defeats the purpose

Thanks for your input, like I said we did break up as I have severe anxiety over conflict and it is a deal breaker for me. it is very difficult when someone you love and trust lets you down at such a vulnerable time

Please protect your young child from this man.

Focus on your existing child and his needs. Your new partner is not a good partner and is not likely to be a good co-parent if you separate.

You shouldn’t separate because of your anxiety, you were right to separate because of his horrendous behaviour.

I would be finishing the 'relationship' [it sounds complete shit anyway], be on my own and look after my son and my pregnant self. Being a single mum is hard but do you really want your lad to see this aggressive around his mum thinking that is normal? He and your baby deserve better.
Please don't be one of these needy women who need validation from a man, any man to feel wanted. Most of these types are only after sex anyway.
It will get worse as the pregnancy progresses, I've been there, I know it as have many MNers.

Do you actually want to have another baby and tie yourself to this man forever?

You have only been together a year, have been pregnant twice, split up a couple of times and he is aggressive. Why on earth are you subjecting your young son to this kind of relationship and bringing another child into it? I would be seriously thinking about a termination and finishing the relationship to concentrate on your son. If you don’t want a termination then leave anyway because this isn’t going to get any better. Make better choices for yourself and your child.

Like I said we broke up. I am only asking for advice on how I can pick myself up after this as it has broke me and I feel like a failure for trusting and I feel like a failure to my son

My advice would be to get out of the situation soon as possible meaning ending the relationship and pregnancy, life won’t be good for you all to continue and too much to take on your own.

You’ve got the advice you want. You said yourself you can’t be a single mum so you know the answer. No point going in swings and roundabouts. You’ve broken up So its now up to you only if you want to have 1 kid or 2

Put your son first and stop bringing all this drama into your life. He doesn't need an aggressive step dad or a mum who keeps getting pregnant. I know you've said you've broken up with him but have you? How does that work if you live together and you are struggling financially? Has he really gone?

I would abort the baby and figure out how to get by on your own. When you rely on men, you can end up tolerating behaviour you wouldn't normally.

Pick yourself up by getting on with your new job. Don't tie yourself to the second abusive man for life.

You have done the right thing ending it OP, don't take him back. Thank goodness you have your own house so you don't have to live with him. It's a hard decision but think carefully if you really want this baby which means he will most likely be involved in your life. Do you have family support?

Do not bring an aggressive man into your son's life. It is selfish and will end badly.
You will have to decide whether you can be a single parent with an aggressive man interfering and making your life difficult, or whether you want to be a single mum providing a stable, safe life for your son.
Keeping this pregnancy will make your life and your son's life really stressful and hard.

He's shown himself to be abusive, don't take him back. You haven't even been together a year and already had break ups, that tells you this wasn't a healthy relationship.

I would think very carefully about if you want to continue with the pregnancy. You already have a small child and being a single parent to two is very hard work. Do you have a support network of friends and family?

Also, consider that you may well have to co-parent with this man for the next 18 years. That could make your life very difficult indeed.

Do not risk your young sons childhood being ruined by dragging an abusive man into his life and having more kids.

You sound very vulnerable OP - I think you should stop dating while you work on raising your boundaries and prioritising your DS.

You are anything but a failure, he showed you his true colours and you ended it! What more can a woman do? Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve done the right thing for you and your child, so many women never find the strength you have.

I say this gently, I think you need to not be in a relationship for a little while and focus on your son. Having a child with someone you’ve only known for a year in a relationship with quite a bit of conflict isn’t a choice someone who is grounded makes.

Most people on here believe you should wait a year before you even introduce a new partner to a child and thats for good reason. I wish you the best OP, seriously think about how and why you are making the choices you are and the impact the instability has on your child.

Pregnant twice in one year with a new partner….unfortunately this man will have to figure in your life as you’re having his child. If you don’t think you’ll be able to cope as a single parent to 2 children then you need to think about what you need to do. Your poor son.

Saying 'I feel like a failure' is not going to help you or your son.
What matters now is what you do going forwards.
You have left him. Good. Now you have to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy, and if you do, how you will raise the child alone with zero contact or input form him, as he needs to have no influence in either child's life.
You need a job, a place to live and RL support.