Partner acting aggressive suddenly in pregnancy

[Ghissinbs]

Hello im just looking for some support, I have a young son and 7 weeks pregnant with my new partner who I’ve been with for nearly a year it hasn’t always been easy and we have had a couple of break ups mainly due to an abortion that I had last year due to medical issues and we were in general not ready anyway but it did take a toll on us both i ended up pregnant on the pill some how and we have been so excited and taking it as it’s meant to be. In a recent argument he acted very aggressive towards me it’s usually due to money etc, we are both under a lot of stress but he grabbed me and was extremely loudly shouting throwing stuff etc this has terrified me due to my past relationship with my sons dad, which was only just resolved last year in court as most of the avusive behaviour happened after our separation. He knows how on edge I am about this and how much anxiety I have about this (as that situation did come with police and social work involvement) the fight we had has just made me spiral and completely broke my heart, I really don’t want to have an abortion im so upset that he would act this way towards me. We both have our own houses and have since broken up because I do not tolerate even shouting in my household i do not want any sort of commotion or any services being involved disrupting me and my sons peace. I’m so scared if 1. a neighbour has reported it 2. For my unborn baby and what this means for me as I could barely survive as a single mum with just one child. How can I cope with this and move on, I feel like a total failure for a situation like this happening in my sons home after we have been through so much together. New partner works hard, has a very supportive family and has always been good with me and my son, I just can’t accept that hes went on like this with me

@Ghissinbs the way you can pick yourself up is to change your mindset and become truly independent. That way you won't lurch from one awful relationship to the next navigating frequent pregnancies.
Prioritise yourself and your son. Accept if you continue the pregnancy life will be a struggle for you all and base your decision around that.
Once you're really fine on your own you should be much better placed to consider another relationship.

Im sorry you are in such a horrible situation and you have clearly had a bad time in the past too.

Sadly having this baby will tie you and your DC to this nasty, aggressive bully and you’ll very likely end up together/ splitting over and over again. He is who he is and he won’t change.

When you say, ‘it’s meant to be,’ it’s kind of romanticising the new pregnancy as if a kindly old god figure granted you a cuddly baby when the reality is that (sorry) you had a contraception fail which has resulted in conception and all of the decisions and responsibilities that brings.

It’s heartbreaking to be where you are but genuinely be very, very cautious about continuing. You will be massively impacting all of your lives in a way that unlikely to be good for anyone. Your son will suffer, your new job and improving finances will suffer and your own wellbeing, well, it is obvious that will be last on the agenda.

You do have somewhere to live, a job, a child and have shown great strength by ending the relationship. Please look forward and cease all contact, discuss your situation with your doctor and get referred for pregnancy counselling and in the longer term get some counselling or advice on keeping yourself safely away from abusive men.

What support do you have around you?

You're not a failure - you've recognised that this relationship is toxic and ended it.

He failed.
You did the right thing.

As a side note, abuse often starts or ramps up in pregnancy when they think you're trapped.

I would consider ending the pregnancy as it is early days and being tied to an abusive man through a child means he has opportunity to use the child to further the abuse of you and your children.

I guess you have to ask yourself, do you want this guy in your life for the next 18yrs? Even if split up, you would have to co-parent with him, unless he totally walked away. Sounds like a new baby wouldn’t be ideal right now. Personally i’d terminate the pregnancy.

You’ve done the right thing by leaving him.
Cease ALL contact.
Weigh up your options on carrying through with the pregnancy. If you can’t cope financially especially as a single mother to 2 children then you still have time to make a decision. Remember, he will do everything he can to control you if you have his child.
Whatever you do, do not let this man anywhere near your life. You already have a son to protect. Having his baby will mean you’ll never be able to protect yourselves from him again.
Never worry about how you get into a situation, shit happens. But just focus on what you can do to get out x

Find some support from your local community, social worker, anyone else you can as there are organisations who can and will support you. This pregnancy doesn't have to end, you could be better off emotionally if you don't register this man as the father.

If you decide to go ahead with the baby and then later decide you cannot cope, there is always adoption. Do not feel pressure one way or the other, just make your own mind up.

You're not a failure but you have made some very poor decisions. Getting pregnant twice in a year isn't an accident and it's clear you've moved far too fast which is not at all ok when you've got a child who has been harmed by domestic violence in the past. If you have any self preservation sense at all you'll terminate this pregnancy and get some counselling or therapy before you consider another relationship.

OP the best thing you can do for yourself and your son is to terminate this pregnancy and start working with a the therapist to break your patterns.

I wish you luck x

OP, my partner started the abuse when my ds was 3 days old.

What saved me was the fact that I still had my house deposit and my career. After trying (and failing) to get ex to behave decently, I was able to take a job in my home town, and take my ds and walk away. Then buy a house for us.

Even so, working full time and raising a child by my self was hard work. Raising two, managing two drop offs and pick ups while trying to work a 9-5 must be almost impossible.

You've left him, that's a good start, but now you need to look realistically at accommodation, finances and work. Think about what your child needs and how a new baby will impact your life.

Only you can take the decisions that will follow. Take your time.

He doesn't want the baby. He is starting to resent you. Be very careful.

This. Which is meant kindly I'm sure.

This.

Far too much drama for such a new relationship. You barely know him.

I’d have an abortion, stay split up, and do the Freedom Programme. 💐