Anyone else getting over a relationship breakup?

[Heartbreak26]

Old member of OLD threads which helped me loads. Now I need a version for getting over the end of relationship. Anyone else in the same boat?

Heartbreak and loneliness has hit in waves today. I miss so much but know I'm forgetting the bad.

Sorry to hear you are going through a breakup.

I am too - very toxic and very messy. Left an abusive relationship but it hasn’t been easy.

Why did you break up?

Hi, so sorry you are going through this. Im in the same position. Moved out of family home 2 weeks ago, with our daughter. Its really tough, all the emotions and loneliness. Absolutely hate feeling so sad. Big hugs to you. Not sure what advice to offer, as i need some too!

Yes me 😞

Dumped by text. (Didn't think this would happen at 44 🙄) For the second time.
Have good days and then awful days where I think I'll be alone forever.

Same. He has walzed off into sunset with someone else having kept me in a vague situationship for a long time. It’s taking me a long time to recover.

Yes. It’s fucked up and I wish I could turn my brain off

Same. Heartbreaking isn’t it. With me it was a reasonably long term thing (a decade give or take) and he just wouldn’t discuss ‘the future’. I tried and would get enough crumbs to keep hanging in there a bit longer.

It ended when we argued about how this lack of any discussion made me feel unsettled and he announced he “can’t do this any longer”.

I guess this was also a ‘situationship’ like a previous poster had, and not a real relationship that was going to be that ‘happily ever after’ I’d imagined.

I can’t imagine ever wanting to meet someone else and be vulnerable again (I was previously married too for 20 years) but also dread being alone for the next 20 or 30 years (I’m mid 50s). It’s utterly shit.

Me too. Relationship of 6 years ended on Saturday when I discovered he had set up a tinder account.
I’m heartbroken. Can’t eat (every cloud has a silver lining!) and struggling to sleep. The hardest thing is facing the future alone. My DC are adults are living their own lives. I live alone (he renaged on living together which says it all) and have no siblings or parental support. I have good friends but they’re busy with their own lives too.
I’m struggling so much as we seemed to get on so well and had so many lovely holiday plans etc and now I’m questioning if it was all a sham.
I too was married for 20+ years and am now in mid 50s. Not sure I can face the dating world but equally don’t want to be alone forever. Obviously at the moment my priority is to heal.

@Macaroni46- sounds very similar to me, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this as well. Likewise, my DCs are adults and I’ve no sibling/parents. Friends are mostly couples and act like I’m going to nick their DH! So on top of everything your social life grinds to a halt as well.

The worry about the future is awful isn’t it. You grieve for the loss of what you thought was going to happen - the holidays, other plans, getting old together etc - and miss the day to day stuff, but the thought of ‘starting over’ with someone else is also awful.

I know there are decent men out there but any that ARE decent married when younger and have been lovely, loyal husbands so are still married! What’s left in the dating cess pool isn’t worth the risk of getting hurt again.

Sorry - I don’t meant to whinge on. I meant to offer a bit of sisterhood solidarity. In my rational moments I know the future won’t be as bad as I imagine and each day it will get easier and I hope the same for you too.

@LinedOverLatteyou’ve summed it all up perfectly! I’ve lost my best friend as well as my lover and in some ways it’s the loss of the friendship that hurts the most.

@Macaroni46 - yes, the friendship and companionship. Someone to have a walk with or go to the cinema etc. It takes me ages to open up with people and my ex really was my best friend (and vice versa apparently). It will get better I promise. People the world over go through it and come out stronger but the journey is pretty shit. Wishing you all the best, you (we) will heal. X

Yes, but it was at the start of October and I feel like I should be getting over it by now but some days I feel worse .

I’m though the other side of this now thank god. It took time but I will tell you what really helped- chatGPT (or any other AI model)

I used it for loads. Like gave it a list of all his bad points and it gave me loads of good ways of thinking about it.

i used it when I missed him.

i used it when I discovered he had moved on etc. it really helped put things into perspective.

so that’s my recommendation

@Havingasmashingtimei 2nd that . It didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know but it really helps to put thoughts in order. I asked it to analyse 2 long messages we sent each other and it had it spot on . How he deflected from the issue and tried to distract me with gifts and other gestures whilst ignoring the elephant in the room . The favourite line it said was ‘ heathy relationships shouldn’t take this much mental gymnastics’ and even told me he’d gaslit me which was also true.

Yes and lots of similarities to others here. It was 4 months ago and my choice, but still bothers me a lot on some days. 50, post divorce, 3 year ‘situationship’ (I now realise!) that I thought I was ok with as DC are still youngish and I don’t want to blend families. But then realised I was never going to be a priority to him and he was more than happy to live his life at the behest of his ex wife and her childcare needs.

I have a nice life. I’m lucky that financially being single is fine and I don’t feel there’s anything lacking day to day by not being coupled up. But I’m still having existential moments of ‘am I going to be single forever now’. But the thought of online dating is also horrific. And yes, Meta AI on what’s app is my new counsellor!

I think many of us have days / moments like that.
Sometimes a dream, seeing something on TV or being out and about seeing happy families can trigger that feeling.

All I do is remind myself why I chose not to be in my old relationship still and that I deserve better... and that eventually when I’m ready I will that.

I’m literally days into my breakup so am still reeling. My emotions are so confused! Anger, sadness, fear etc. But I just wanted to say how supportive I’m finding this thread. I’m not yet at the point of being able to offer any advice to others but it really helps to know that there’s solidarity out there!

@littleburnvery similar to my situation

I'm 66 and was married for 30 years. Divorced Oct 24 but didn't sell the house until March 25. I moved away to a new town as I didn't want to run the risk of running into him anymore. It wasn't my choice and although the marriage was dire, I knew that my new single life would be much worse for me. I suffer from severe depression and the loneliness is crippling. Longterm friends are all happily married and I don't belong anywhere. I am still heartbroken.

2 days in for me, after 2+ years. Was going to visit him in a few days, but he called me to let me know that he has met someone else closer to him. He was so pleased to tell me about it which wasn’t lovely.

I thought things were good, however obviously not enough to keep him focused. He told me I am a “really cracking person” - well clearly not cracking enough!

sad, surprised, feel stupid, and tearful. Which really isn’t a good look when 59.

love and support to all you other suddenly single women.

It’s no fun at all.

I’m eight months in and still heartbroken although life is better. People get fed up hearing about it after a while but I still really struggle. I found Valentine’s Day very hard.

sending hugs and good thoughts OP.

I’m on day 4 of heartbreak. Ex boyfriend of 6 months has been v unwell with mental
illness and he decided this week to end our relationship.

I’m struggling with being lonely and missing having someone there…

I feel sick 24/7, can’t stomach food, sleeping really badly, wake up and then realise we’re no longer together and constantly checking my phone.

someone needs to invent a pill for heartbreak!!

I'm 2 months in (or should I say out!), after 12 years, 56 yrs old. I'm heartbroken. Can't imagine my future without him in it. And, I can't believe he clearly chose a future without me in it. We're pretty much no contact, other than 'admin' things as we lived together, and it is killing me.

Sorry to hear this, when you say you forget the bad. Make a note of them. When you feel sad, read it and remember. I hope this helps.

couple of days in and hardly eaten or slept in days. But beginning to accept it a little. not my choice to break up and together over 20 years, cannot imagine my life with anyone else .

@beingtakenforafool 20 years is a very long time. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.

I’ve woken up slightly less nauseous than all week. Not slept well or much though. Hoping today is a better day….

worried about bumping into him though as he only lives around the corner 🙄