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Original poster

Am I asking too much?

46 replies

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 03:57

Hey everyone,

So me and my boyfriend of 8 months are going away to Venice in just over a month. His idea but we've both always wanted to go and he's been waiting to fall for someone before he goes. He's planned most the trip and has asked for my input but my main thing is a Gondola ride and he wants to do that too. He found a cheap Gondola ride but it carries other people, I told him my only expectation was to do a Gondola ride just the 2 of us. He said I should lower my expectations so I'm not disappointed and then if it's good I'll feel good about it. He's made me feel high maintenance and rubbish for wanting this one thing to be romantic. I told him I felt disappointed in his reaction and had lost some enthusiasm over it now and he is sticking to his guns about it. We ended the conversation with him texting me a thumbs up. Am I really asking too much?

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 20/02/2026 04:05

I think if you want one say "i really want one, i think it'll be cool and I'm happy to pay! My treat!"

Then pay the €200 euros plus it costs for a private gondola, dont be salty and hold it against him and go and enjoy it.

Venice is utterly incredible. Have an amazing time there... its honestly one of the best places I've been.

Separately the language you use in this post im struggling to put my finger on it but it reads....I dont know... like your relationship expectations are heavily informed by movies or something.

Dont get in the way of your own happiness / hung up on irrelevant things... do what you want and do it freely without begrudgingly its not exactly how you want.
Ie he didn't do X for you to demonstrate his undying love.
Life isnt a movie.

BoxOfCats · 20/02/2026 04:23

Venice is expensive! So I think if you’re going to propose an activity that’s expensive like a private gondola ride instead of a shared one, you should offer to pay the difference.

I also think it sounds like you are focusing on the material aspects of this trip. I would just be thrilled to have someone to go away with on a romantic holiday full stop! Don’t ruin it by being too fixed in what you’re asking of others.

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 20/02/2026 04:28

It’s more expensive for a private ride. I’d pay for it myself if you really want to do it.

Rustygecko · 20/02/2026 04:28

Gondola ride prices are set by the city:
€90 per boat for 30 mins (€45 per person) during the day.
€110 sunset and night.

Bonkers1966 · 20/02/2026 04:43

Just pay for it yourself.

Catza · 20/02/2026 07:13

It's perfectly fine to ask. It's also perfectly fine to say no (especially if you are the one paying, as your boyfriend seems to be). What's not fine is guilt-tripping someone who organised a nice trip for you by saying you lost enthusiasm for the entire trip over one fairly minor event.
I'm guessing, since he was looking for cheaper options, he is not made of money. So if you are dead set on doing it, tell him you will pay. Job done.

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

OP posts:
Catza · 20/02/2026 07:25

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

Then organise it yourself. What's the problem? I'm struggling to see a situation where he would refuse to join you on principle.

Sugarsugarcane · 20/02/2026 07:32

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

maybe not but imagine how hurt he’s feeling that he’s organised this romantic trip and included an activity you’d asked for (and didn’t specify a detail) and now you’re turning your nose up, in his shoes if he gutted!!
it’s ok to want the private gondola, you should have responded ‘that looks fantastic, thanks so much for looking into that after as you knew I’d love it, I’d happily pay the difference for a private ride so I get you all to myself, what do you think?’
j wouldn’t be surprised if this is a deal breaker for him you know. I’m sure you haven’t intended to but you’ve probably come across as rude, ungrateful and entitled.
i think you owe the guy an apology.
and before you go on the defensive with all th reasons why you’re right in what you’ve done, take a breath to look at the whole picture and how you’d feel on the receiving end.
hope you can work it out x

UnimatrixZeroOne · 20/02/2026 08:10

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

Maybe not. But you wanted to know if you're asking too much.
You'll have to agree, it's a resounding yes.

Lennonjingles · 20/02/2026 08:21

DH and I went to Venice for a day on our honeymoon and went on a gondola with another couple who said yes it’s quite romantic, but not what they expected. I told them it was everything we expected and that we were on our honeymoon, we did laugh about it. I found walking around Venice way more romantic, stopping at “out of the way” cafes, just being us 2. This was many years ago, would love to go back. What a lovely Man you have wanting to go with you to a special place.

Brightlittlecanary · 20/02/2026 08:27

It does sound like you want him to pay. And he’s an issue with the cost. If you are happy to pay as you say, where’s the issue, book it. He’s not saying he will only do a gondola ride with other people.

TwistedWonder · 20/02/2026 08:31

Did he actually use the words ‘lower your expectations so you’re not disappointed’? If so that would be a huge red flag to me that he’s setting the tone for your whole relationship.

In this once instance I’d tell him you’ll pay tor a private gondola. It would seem daft to go on this lovely weekend and miss out on doing the one thing you really want over a miscommunication.

Iaeve · 20/02/2026 08:35

I don’t understand OP, if you want a private gondola then just organise it? Tell him you’d love to do it and it’s your treat. I don’t see what the problem is here?

Brightlittlecanary · 20/02/2026 08:50

TwistedWonder · 20/02/2026 08:31

Did he actually use the words ‘lower your expectations so you’re not disappointed’? If so that would be a huge red flag to me that he’s setting the tone for your whole relationship.

In this once instance I’d tell him you’ll pay tor a private gondola. It would seem daft to go on this lovely weekend and miss out on doing the one thing you really want over a miscommunication.

Huh? He said “He said I should lower my expectations so I'm not disappointed and then if it's good I'll feel good about it”

i see no red flag here at all. The op is being the red flag. He’s organised most of the trip and told him her expectation is one just for them, like he’s to do and pay foe everything, if she wants a solo trip she should say, thanks for organising, I will book us a solo trip so it’s romantic and by way of thank you for all the work you’ve put in.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 20/02/2026 09:14

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

I'm confused....

You offered to pay and he's refusing to go on a private gondola ride and would prefer to pay to go on a group one?

chergar · 20/02/2026 09:25

Maybe he has actually booked a private one but wants it to be a surprise?

skippy67 · 20/02/2026 09:27

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

So go ahead and book it then?

Sugarsugarcane · 20/02/2026 10:21

TwistedWonder · 20/02/2026 08:31

Did he actually use the words ‘lower your expectations so you’re not disappointed’? If so that would be a huge red flag to me that he’s setting the tone for your whole relationship.

In this once instance I’d tell him you’ll pay tor a private gondola. It would seem daft to go on this lovely weekend and miss out on doing the one thing you really want over a miscommunication.

I wouldn’t see it as red flag, I think he’s actually trying to be extremely polite in his response to say ‘this is what I’ve booked don’t be so ungrateful’

pixiegirlishere · 20/02/2026 10:26

The ‘lower your expectations’ would bother me too. She’s asked for one thing - just one. And I would expect a romantic gondola ride to be just me and him too! He sounds like the type who will be asking you to lower your expectations for Christmas and birthday celebrations as well - have you read the disappointment coming through in the threads that are posted here from women whose very normal desires are not met?

I think he’s setting a tone here for the relationship and it would be a very good idea to take a step back and look at it as a whole.

Sugarsugarcane · 20/02/2026 11:07

pixiegirlishere · 20/02/2026 10:26

The ‘lower your expectations’ would bother me too. She’s asked for one thing - just one. And I would expect a romantic gondola ride to be just me and him too! He sounds like the type who will be asking you to lower your expectations for Christmas and birthday celebrations as well - have you read the disappointment coming through in the threads that are posted here from women whose very normal desires are not met?

I think he’s setting a tone here for the relationship and it would be a very good idea to take a step back and look at it as a whole.

ive been dating someone for about 9 months now and always wanted to go to Venice as it seems so romantic. I’ve really fallen for this guy so I’ve asked them to come (they said yes!) and I’ve been busy organising the trip with stuff we will be doing when we get there. Thing is, the one thing he’s said he’d like to do is a gondola trip so I’ve booked it and let him know, was all excited and his response was that he’s disappointed I’ve made a group booking rather than a private one. I didn’t really know what to say tbh so I responded that they should lower their expectations. I’m so hurt, I’ve put a lot of effort into this trip and am really excited and my partner has kind of thrown that bit back in my face. What would you think?

see… it’s not nice is it. I think this post is showing quite a level of misogyny where women kind of expect to be treated like princesses and men are useless

Brightlittlecanary · 20/02/2026 11:09

pixiegirlishere · 20/02/2026 10:26

The ‘lower your expectations’ would bother me too. She’s asked for one thing - just one. And I would expect a romantic gondola ride to be just me and him too! He sounds like the type who will be asking you to lower your expectations for Christmas and birthday celebrations as well - have you read the disappointment coming through in the threads that are posted here from women whose very normal desires are not met?

I think he’s setting a tone here for the relationship and it would be a very good idea to take a step back and look at it as a whole.

Just one, you sure about that, as he’s done all the planning, and it’s where she wants to go, she’s hardly been sent down the mines to dig with her bare hands. And if she wants it, she can book it. And pay for it, being a woman hasn’t rendered her incapable.

TalulahJP · 20/02/2026 11:13

op no offence but it sounds like the guy has done all the planning and research, booked stuff and youre ungrateful.

yes hes wanted to go for ages so that is probably why hes doing it all but sureky you should be helping?

nowhere in your original post does it say you're paying for stuff so it feels like hes paying it all. hence his comment about lower your expectations. it’s really really expensive there.

start paying your way and not sitting in your backside while he does all the grunt work. sorry op but this is on you.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/02/2026 11:16

Whatalife88 · 20/02/2026 07:21

Not once have I said I expect him to pay

Very strange that you didn’t include this bit in your op! So - you’ve offered to pay and he didn’t want to do the private one? Is the problem then that you’re upset he doesn’t want to be alone with you?

ILiveForTheYadaYada · 20/02/2026 11:29

Are you going halves on the cost of the trip? You should say that you will pay the extra for the gondola for 2 then. You said you haven't expected him to pay but you haven't offered to pay more to cover this aspect of your holiday.

Venice is very expensive, beautiful but very costly and maybe he wants to spend that extra cost on food or souvenirs. Maybe he thinks the whole trip is romantic and you have now specified a very particular thing to make it romantic. You losing enthusiasm for the trip really does scream unreasonable and a little immature.