Am I asking too much?

[Whatalife88]

Hey everyone,

So me and my boyfriend of 8 months are going away to Venice in just over a month. His idea but we've both always wanted to go and he's been waiting to fall for someone before he goes. He's planned most the trip and has asked for my input but my main thing is a Gondola ride and he wants to do that too. He found a cheap Gondola ride but it carries other people, I told him my only expectation was to do a Gondola ride just the 2 of us. He said I should lower my expectations so I'm not disappointed and then if it's good I'll feel good about it. He's made me feel high maintenance and rubbish for wanting this one thing to be romantic. I told him I felt disappointed in his reaction and had lost some enthusiasm over it now and he is sticking to his guns about it. We ended the conversation with him texting me a thumbs up. Am I really asking too much?

You know, I’ve done a gondola ride in Venice with DH and even though it was lovely, I didn’t find it … romantic? There’s a ton of other gondolas weaving round and people everywhere. It’s not like in the movies. We did get a fab guide though who spoke English and gave us lots of history.

Venice is fabulous but, in my view, gondola rides are a bit tacky and definitely not romantic. Far preferable is a private motor taxi from the airport to the city (and practical, as you have to cross the water somehow). You can book in advance and it feels a bit like being in a James Bond movie 😂
But yes, OP, if you want to do something just book and pay for it yourself.

Yeah I think you should put your hand in your wallet if it's important to you. Say you'll pay the extra for it to be just two. It sounds like he's going to be paying for and organising a lot of stuff so it's only fair for you to pay for an extra you care a lot about.

Sorry OP but I agree with your boyfriend here. He's planned and booked a lovely trip to an amazing place and you're finding something to moan about. You sound a little spoilt.

😕 does he know you're happy to pay? Communication seems to be the key here

its the fact he’s made her feel shit and ‘high maintenance’ about it that’s the problem here - instead of an honest conversation he’s emotionally manipulated so he doesn’t have to say ‘that’s too expensive for me’

And he’ll continue die this path for everything - every bump in thd road wil be making OP feel like shit so he gets to look like his shit smells of roses.

irs no way to live. I’d be throwing this one back

Projecting much??

No. I don’t behave like that.

Just years and years of experience of men who cannot be honest and instead emotionally manipulate.

😃

Well, the line "I told him my only expectation was to do a Gondola ride just the 2 of us" does give that impression, and probably does to him, too. Book it and pay for it yourself if this really is the case, rather than batting it back to him.

A water taxi from the airport is 100% more chic and romantic than a tacky tourist gondola ride! Can you sort that as your contribution to the trip? You won't regret approaching Venice from the lagoon, just the two of you.

So why didn't you just say that sounds lovely but I'd love a romantic two person ride so let me book it? Instead of crapping on his suggestion and telling him you're no longer excited about it? Ick

If you want a private ride, you pay for it.

Ride over to the Lido and stroll around. I stayed over there once and it was really nice.

Just book it yourself then?

You do sound a bit high maintenance if you lost enthusiasm for a trip to Venice and told your boyfriend you were disappointed him over one gondola ride.

Agreed.

Unless you specifically said you really wanted it to be just a twosome and you would pay then it's you who is the red flag.
There's a huge difference between not saying you expect him to pay and you saying you would pay.

Before sunrise

Sounds like he organised pretty much everything and his version of the gondola ride wasn't the same vision as you. How you both handled it from then is the issue - he's probably put out that he has made lots of effort. You are of course allowed to have different choices but unless you jumped in and said: "I really appreciate all of the organising you have done, but I would love to have a gondola ride just the two of us and of course I will pay for it" then maybe it just came across as a perceived criticism? But obviously you're viewing it as a criticism of you being high maintenance. I don't know if going on holiday is the best idea in all honesty if something this small is causing such ructions.

I agree. Dump him. Maybe after the trip.

This seems like a really silly thing to fall out about. It's just one aspect of what sounds like a lovely trip!

Is he clear you are happy to organise the gondola ride and pay for it?

If so, maybe he feels like he will feel silly and self conscious, just the two of you on the gondola? (I'd feel a bit of a twat I think, and a lot of the guys I have dated certainly would have .....). You need to ask him what it is about it that puts him off. He is allowed opinions - it's his trip too!

You seem to have taken huge offence to him suggesting you lower your expectations, but I actually think it's good advice. I have often found that if you go into an experience expecting it to be perfect in some way, it can easily fall short and lead to disappointment. That's not to say you should never look forward to anything, but be aware that life can throw up the unexpected.

For example, I'm just back from a trip with my daughter, and one of the things I enjoyed most was going to a museum - I'm not a huge fan of museums generally, we only went because it was raining and we couldn't do the activity we wanted to, but as it happened the museum had some stuff we were both really into......

Going somewhere with an open mind can often lead to you having the most fun, I think!

But anyway, don't fall out about the gondola - just make it clear you are very happy to pay for and organise it, and if he still doesn't want to go, you need to listen to why.....

Not sure OP is returning.. 🫠

OP may not expect him to pay, but it seems like she doesn't want to pay herself, so won't be returning because she'll have to suggest to him that she'll pay!