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Original poster

No sex in 10 years.

70 replies

LittleThingsS · 20/02/2026 01:08

Im ‘only’ 37 and haven’t had sex in 10 years, is that really sad and pathetic? No dates, no kissing, not even a hug. I feel sad getting to 40 and not having sex in over a decade. Is anyone else relatively young and in the same situation? I did a search but it was only much older people or married couples in a sexless marriage which doesn’t apply either, I feel too young to be living like this.

OP posts:
sussexman · 21/02/2026 16:44

I've read all your posts, and you do seem to be giving mixed messages here. Your OP is about a lack of sex, but your posts tell a story of really wanting a proper intimate relationship. I absolutely get that, but then you seem to be saying that you cannot possibly make the time to meet people and develop relationships. Of course, it is difficult as a single parent, but if that is your goal, you do need to make plans and change things so that you meet people. Plenty of single parents manage this.

DinoLil · 21/02/2026 16:49

I'm not young at 54 but I had a brief hug yesterday for the first time since last year. From my plumber! Last time was from my son.

Sex? What's that?!

Original poster
LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 16:49

Yes it’s lack of sex but that doesn’t mean I want casual sex, im well aware I could have had some causal sex in 10 years but that isn’t for me. Which is probably why it’s been so long, yes many single parents manage as their kids spend half the time with their ex. Other posters have managed to relate and understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 17:08

DinoLil · 21/02/2026 16:49

I'm not young at 54 but I had a brief hug yesterday for the first time since last year. From my plumber! Last time was from my son.

Sex? What's that?!

thanks, I haven’t had a hug even from a man in 10 years, I guess thats why i didnt just put lack of relationships as people would them assume I had been dating, sleeping with people etc rather than nothing at all in 10 years I haven’t even hugged or kissed a man in 10 years and haven’t been on a single date. If I said I hadn’t had a relationship people would assume I had still done those things and just hadn’t met anyone serious or wanting to settle down

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 17:12

Also I think it’s more unusual for someone in my age bracket to have not had sex in 10 years then to not have a relationship (but have sex) in 10 years. I don’t know anyone who’s been celibate from 27-37 so just wondered if I was alone.

OP posts:
Blissfulltimes · 21/02/2026 17:14

How old are the kids.

HoratioMcCain · 21/02/2026 17:19

I've been celibate since 28, just turned 42 this week.

I'm a lone parent to an SEN child, no childcare, little money, carer for another adult, and I'm disabled to boot.

Hoping to get back in the saddle now that dc is a young adult, but it's not just you.

Not so much as a kiss, a romantic touch or a fumble in that time and now genuinely wonder if I'll be shit at it or have forgotten everything(!)

marcyhermit · 21/02/2026 17:27

You're still young, and you're so close to the point where your kids don't need babysitting anymore.

In a couple of years time you will have so much more of your life back, you'll be able to go out child free at the weekends and so on.

Blissfulltimes · 21/02/2026 17:33

How many kids do you have.

Stillhere83 · 21/02/2026 17:45

I've gone almost 7 if it makes you feel any better, for the same reason basically (though also my pre child experiences have made me pretty reluctant to date). It's easy for people to say paid childcare but have you seen the prices of babysitters these days? You're on the hook for 50/60 quid before you've even left the house, that's not an easy amount for single mums to cover, especially if it becomes a regular thing. And it's hard suddenly bringing a stranger in to look after the kids when it's always been just you.

I feel like I will start dipping a toe in soon (although every time I get close I just don't really have the will, too many memories of shit dates, arseholes and ghosting, plus limited energy!)

Don't give yourself a hard time about it OP, if you really want to date then you might have to bite the bullet on babysitters for the odd evening, but if you do need to wait a few more years it is ok, things will change in future.

Stillhere83 · 21/02/2026 17:49

LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 16:49

Yes it’s lack of sex but that doesn’t mean I want casual sex, im well aware I could have had some causal sex in 10 years but that isn’t for me. Which is probably why it’s been so long, yes many single parents manage as their kids spend half the time with their ex. Other posters have managed to relate and understand.

Being a single ie completely lone parent is a very very different thing from being a single parent with another parent on the scene that has the some of the time. Often people forget this, as PPs seem to have here!

Original poster
LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 17:57

Stillhere83 · 21/02/2026 17:45

I've gone almost 7 if it makes you feel any better, for the same reason basically (though also my pre child experiences have made me pretty reluctant to date). It's easy for people to say paid childcare but have you seen the prices of babysitters these days? You're on the hook for 50/60 quid before you've even left the house, that's not an easy amount for single mums to cover, especially if it becomes a regular thing. And it's hard suddenly bringing a stranger in to look after the kids when it's always been just you.

I feel like I will start dipping a toe in soon (although every time I get close I just don't really have the will, too many memories of shit dates, arseholes and ghosting, plus limited energy!)

Don't give yourself a hard time about it OP, if you really want to date then you might have to bite the bullet on babysitters for the odd evening, but if you do need to wait a few more years it is ok, things will change in future.

Thank you! Was finding myself getting a bit annoyed at the comments saying just pay for a sitter! Thats a luxury I couldn’t afford! The single mums I know manage to date because their family has the kids or the father is involved, I don’t know any single mums who use sitters, I looked into it out of curiosity and it was £60 a time as most wanted a minimum number of hours and were charging £20 an hour with minimum 3 hour booking. As if it’s that easy to just “get a sitter”

OP posts:
Treesinthewind · 21/02/2026 17:59

I hear you. My son is 9 and I have him 100% of the time. I've had a couple of relationships, but in the first one I had to introduce him to my son far earlier than I would want to, and with the second I could only manage it because I worked part-time and he was self-employed so we saw each other during day. I totally understand about only wanting to have sex with someone you've built a relationship with - there just isn't the time to do that even with babysitters - what happens when you want to start spending the night with someone. Also, not everyone has kids who are happy to be left with a babysitter. I've pretty much resigned myself to being single until my son is well into his teens. It does get lonely, and I get really jealous of people who are co-parenting with a decent ex.

Idontspeakgermansorry · 21/02/2026 18:28

LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 17:57

Thank you! Was finding myself getting a bit annoyed at the comments saying just pay for a sitter! Thats a luxury I couldn’t afford! The single mums I know manage to date because their family has the kids or the father is involved, I don’t know any single mums who use sitters, I looked into it out of curiosity and it was £60 a time as most wanted a minimum number of hours and were charging £20 an hour with minimum 3 hour booking. As if it’s that easy to just “get a sitter”

Show quote history

People have made other suggestions than just pay for a sitter though.

Dating is workable, if it's really getting you down so much.

Original poster
LittleThingsS · 21/02/2026 18:30

Treesinthewind · 21/02/2026 17:59

I hear you. My son is 9 and I have him 100% of the time. I've had a couple of relationships, but in the first one I had to introduce him to my son far earlier than I would want to, and with the second I could only manage it because I worked part-time and he was self-employed so we saw each other during day. I totally understand about only wanting to have sex with someone you've built a relationship with - there just isn't the time to do that even with babysitters - what happens when you want to start spending the night with someone. Also, not everyone has kids who are happy to be left with a babysitter. I've pretty much resigned myself to being single until my son is well into his teens. It does get lonely, and I get really jealous of people who are co-parenting with a decent ex.

thank you, it’s nice someone understands! I’ve often found myself feeling jealous of people with exes who have the kids a lot as well, some of the single mums I see have so much freedom, definitely hard not to feel a little bit envious

OP posts:
Stillhere83 · 22/02/2026 09:15

Idontspeakgermansorry · 21/02/2026 18:28

People have made other suggestions than just pay for a sitter though.

Dating is workable, if it's really getting you down so much.

Show quote history

Dating during the day doesn't work for everyone either though (either you or the person you'd date), and not everyone has mum friends that are willing to step in or swap care etc, especially if you have multiple kids that you need to cater for at the same time. It is easy to say that you can make it work until you are actually living the logistics of full time single parenthood, when you look at the landscape of your life and - there just isn't a way. It's not being defeatist, it is our lived experience.

goz · 22/02/2026 09:17

If you’ve been single for 10 years surely your children are older and you do have much more freedom?
Your youngest child is 10, which is well into school, old enough to go to clubs and things.
You’re blaming your children but that’s not what’s stopping g you from dating.

Original poster
LittleThingsS · 22/02/2026 10:23

goz · 22/02/2026 09:17

If you’ve been single for 10 years surely your children are older and you do have much more freedom?
Your youngest child is 10, which is well into school, old enough to go to clubs and things.
You’re blaming your children but that’s not what’s stopping g you from dating.

Where have I “blamed” my children, what a rude comment and again my youngest is 9 not 10!! She goes to one club on Tuesday and thats for 45 mins!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleThingsS · 22/02/2026 10:24

Stillhere83 · 22/02/2026 09:15

Dating during the day doesn't work for everyone either though (either you or the person you'd date), and not everyone has mum friends that are willing to step in or swap care etc, especially if you have multiple kids that you need to cater for at the same time. It is easy to say that you can make it work until you are actually living the logistics of full time single parenthood, when you look at the landscape of your life and - there just isn't a way. It's not being defeatist, it is our lived experience.

Show quote history

Thank you, some of these comments! Clearly not from lone parents 😌

OP posts:
chelseyw23 · 22/02/2026 10:25

LittleThingsS · 20/02/2026 01:08

Im ‘only’ 37 and haven’t had sex in 10 years, is that really sad and pathetic? No dates, no kissing, not even a hug. I feel sad getting to 40 and not having sex in over a decade. Is anyone else relatively young and in the same situation? I did a search but it was only much older people or married couples in a sexless marriage which doesn’t apply either, I feel too young to be living like this.

Get yourself on hinge!

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