I’m dating 11 men

[isittimetogethigh]

This is going to sound crazy but after separating from my husband two years ago and getting hooked on my first fwb, something in me just switched. I now feel so emotionally detached from any men I meet. I genuinely always believed if I had sex with a man I would just be his. That I’d attach. That it would mean something deeper.
Apparently not.
The next man I slept with I really fancied. We had great chat, proper vibe. The sex was unreal. But after? Nothing. No emotional spiral. No overthinking. No building him up in my head. And if I’m honest it was brilliant for me.

Over the last few months I’ve met different men from nights out, online and just generally being outside living my life. They’re all different in their own way. All attentive. All enjoy spending time with me and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them.
They’re all younger than me as well. Between twenty nine and forty. Which makes this whole thing even more interesting.

Out of the eleven I’ve only slept with four and only once each. The sex has been mind blowing every time. They’ve all verbally validated my sexual skills and wanted more of me, which I can’t lie I’ve enjoyed hearing.
But here’s the kicker. Not one of them has made me orgasm through oral. That is the most disappointing part for me. I’m not directing a grown man on what to do. At this point I’m realising good sex is not enough. If you cannot make me finish the way I like you do not get promoted. So those four have now been moved straight into the friends category.

It’s mad to me that the same woman who cried over one man is now calmly dating multiple and sleeping peacefully at night.

My first fwb, the one I was borderline obsessed with is back wanting to meet. The difference is I don’t feel that pull anymore. I already know I’ll be much more level headed with him this time.

I meet each guy once a week for dinner and drinks and it’s honestly brilliant. I’ve been upfront with all of them about my situation.
I think what shocks me most is I’m not looking for one of them to pick me. I’m enjoying the menu.
And I’m just sitting here wondering why I didn’t do this sooner. At forty I genuinely feel like I’m in my prime and having the most fun I’ve ever had.

I think it’s less an ask and more a tell.

This was written with AI

How can sex be great if you don’t orgasm through oral..

This doesn't read like someone having lots of fun, more like someone trying to convince themselves they are having lots of fun. I went through a stage of dating more than one man at a time, in my teens, and as pp said, it was a rite of passage. I much prefer the stability, love, affection and friendship that comes with a monogamous relationship.
However, OP, if you are enjoying yourself, then carry on. Just protect your heart, because you might find you are getting emotionally attached to one of your dates, when they just see you as a fuckbuddy.

Cool story. 😖

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

So why are you posting? Just a bit of fun?

I recommend having 11 phones

Give each man his own dedicated number. Put a little sticker on the back of each phone with key details specific to him — useful notes, reminders, distinguishing features, whatever assists operational efficiency. It’s excellent for logistics and dramatically reduces the risk of data crossover.

I saw it in a TV series — can’t remember which one — but it struck me as a masterclass in organisation. A top-tier tip for staying on top of things and avoiding administrative confusion. (I think the character might have got blown up, but we'll have to let that consequence slide.)

I guess being relaxed and confident is relative - if you've been very anxious and not confident then this would be the most relaxed and confident you've been. But from the outside it feels anything but relaxing and confident, especially having to post about it and exaggerating the numbers, talking about how mind-blowing it is, and the advocating for it as a lifestyle (wishing you'd done it sooner etc). Sounds like you're trying to sell something, but to yourself most of all. Enjoy it if you're truly enjoying it, but from your posts it sounds like it's not that simple.

I'm glad you are having fun OP. I think just a couple of things about the post struck me:

"Verbally validated my sexual skills" - you do realise nobody ever says "that was mediocre sex" . They always say it was brilliant. Every man I have ever had sex with told me I was brilliant, and all my friends have said the same. So please don't read loads into this - it's honestly the bare minimum of politeness after sex.

You bin them off if they don't make you climax from oral first time, aren't willing to give them any feedback about this to help them, and describe the sex with them as otherwise "mind-blowing" - isn't this a bit unfair? I mean, you do you - but making women climax isn't easy, as everyone is different in my experience. (I am a bisexual woman).

Anyway, best of luck with it all - as long as you are happy!

I don’t know what you’re getting at tbh, you said the sex was mind blowing with all of them yet you’re complaining 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hopefully they’re all aware you’re dating multiple men?

I’ve never had an orgasm the first time with a man we need to get to know each other first

Good for you if you are enjoying yourself and the attention. But you really aren't dating any if youve not even met, and those you have met, it's only been once.

Do you have children OP? A job?
Sorry but it all sounds sad, empty and risky (safety-wise) to me.

From what I’m reading you are dating again post divorce, having a bit of fun, deciding what you like and in the process maybe what you’re looking for in the future. Much like many of us, both men and women.

Enjoy it, but also ensure you say stay safe when having sex, use condoms and get tested regularly. No judgement, but STI’s/HIV is on the increase in older heterosexual people.

I've had another read, and I think what you are getting at is that you always used to feel a bit powerless in sexual relationships, and now you feel that the power lies with you, and you are enjoying that. Is that about right?

Honestly there is nothing wrong with this. As long as you are honest with the men, and careful, you can be as promiscuous as you like.

But from my experience the sex, especially with oral, will be better if you give someone the chance to get to know your body. And give them feedback - why would you leave them guessing what you like and don't like?

Are you/were you in love with FWB? If so, I would be very careful how you let him back into your life, if at all......

So you’ve been on dates with six men.

Four you aren’t seeing again, so we’re down to two.

Then there are five more you haven’t even met yet. So zero to add to our two.

Maths is not your strong suit, eh? I’d recommend brushing up on those functional skills if you want to be successful.

Sex without an emotional connection can be amazing - many people have had similar one night stands, it’s why they’re popular. But it’s not a way of life. Unless the people you’re having sex with are also only looking for no strings one-offs then you’re being unfair in treating them as a smorgasbord. I wonder what psychological need you’re fulfilling in yourself. Might be worth exploring that, rather than endless (or just two) other bodies.

I completely agree.

Dating and sex can absolutely be fun and not every woman wants to be tied down to one man.

But this does come across as someone trying to convince themselves that they’re having lots of fun when they’re actually not.

Good for you and enjoy the ride while it lasts. I can't handle dating one at the moment so the idea of dating 11 makes me want to crawl under the carpet.

You have some balls (and plenty of time 🤣)

Verbally validated 🤣🤣

I’m right now, in this post, verbally validating the benefits that arrive on MN with the end of half-term.

but this isn’t about needing anyone or chasing validation

And yet you seem to be looking for validation from internet strangers through this post...

But not orally satisfied 🤪

It sounds like you are getting a kick out of feeling powerful and in charge whereas in the past you have been vulnerable and hurt. Although it feels good it likely hasn't solved the original problem and you will likely find yourself getting burnt or worse. Getting narcissistic validation to boost your ego and referring to others as objects is just moving from victim to perpetrator. Better to get out of the cycle altogether and find some self esteem that doesn't rely on others and a more meaningful mutual relationship.

Is that you Carol Vorderman?