I’m dating 11 men

[isittimetogethigh]

This is going to sound crazy but after separating from my husband two years ago and getting hooked on my first fwb, something in me just switched. I now feel so emotionally detached from any men I meet. I genuinely always believed if I had sex with a man I would just be his. That I’d attach. That it would mean something deeper.
Apparently not.
The next man I slept with I really fancied. We had great chat, proper vibe. The sex was unreal. But after? Nothing. No emotional spiral. No overthinking. No building him up in my head. And if I’m honest it was brilliant for me.

Over the last few months I’ve met different men from nights out, online and just generally being outside living my life. They’re all different in their own way. All attentive. All enjoy spending time with me and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them.
They’re all younger than me as well. Between twenty nine and forty. Which makes this whole thing even more interesting.

Out of the eleven I’ve only slept with four and only once each. The sex has been mind blowing every time. They’ve all verbally validated my sexual skills and wanted more of me, which I can’t lie I’ve enjoyed hearing.
But here’s the kicker. Not one of them has made me orgasm through oral. That is the most disappointing part for me. I’m not directing a grown man on what to do. At this point I’m realising good sex is not enough. If you cannot make me finish the way I like you do not get promoted. So those four have now been moved straight into the friends category.

It’s mad to me that the same woman who cried over one man is now calmly dating multiple and sleeping peacefully at night.

My first fwb, the one I was borderline obsessed with is back wanting to meet. The difference is I don’t feel that pull anymore. I already know I’ll be much more level headed with him this time.

I meet each guy once a week for dinner and drinks and it’s honestly brilliant. I’ve been upfront with all of them about my situation.
I think what shocks me most is I’m not looking for one of them to pick me. I’m enjoying the menu.
And I’m just sitting here wondering why I didn’t do this sooner. At forty I genuinely feel like I’m in my prime and having the most fun I’ve ever had.

How depressing OP.
I'm afraid you come over as quite desperate and sad

Wait, having fun is depressing now? Explain

You’re free to sleep with whoever you want to sleep with - but it sounds like you’re trying to prove to yourself that you can think like a man and just enjoy these men for sex.

Also, sex with someone for the first time whilst exciting, is usually crap or drunken. I’ve never had sex as good as with my long term husband, who knows me inside out. And I wouldn’t want a stranger giving me oral.

The OP couldn't be more obviously posting AI-generated text if (s)he'd accidentally left the "Please generate a click-bait post for mumsnet" prompt at the top.

Im more jealous at the amount of free time you have tbh.

Bluntly, what you describe doesn’t sound much like ‘fun’. You list men you’ve never even met among your total, mention the four you’ve slept with as ‘verbally validating’ your sexual skills but not making you orgasm the way you like, so you’ve friendzoned all of the ones you’ve slept with, with leaves only one man you’ve actually met? It makes you sound anxious and very vulnerable. And, frankly, as though you’re not in a great headspace to be dating, however supposedly lightheartedly.

It sounds as if you haven’t recovered from the FWB you were obsessed with.

This. Also the OP saying The sex has been mind blowing every time with a bunch of strangers.

I had a lot of sex with randomers when I was single in my 20s (ONS, blokes I'd met on nights out, online dating etc) and most of it was crap. Statistically the odd one will be brilliant but every single one?! Unlikely.

Each to their own but I have absolutely no idea how anyone can be interested in so many men.

For that reason alone I’m assuming a man wrote this for whatever reason 🙃

I thought the same.

Another 3 and you've got a fortnight of household chores covered if they each put a load of washing on and deep clean a room.

@Starlight1979Exactly. I loved a one night stand when I was young, free and single. They were exciting, and felt like a right of passage - they were also very drunken and sloppy.

Once I got my life together and stopped being self destructive (which is how I now see those times) I realised that I was hurt and looking to fill a hole (so to speak) and trying to empower myself by shagging whoever I wanted as a way to get back at men who had wronged me - in truth it was quite the opposite.

OP you sound vulnerable and lost. No good will come of this and you’ll feel shame and regret - I did, anyway.

IF this is a real poster, it sounds like someone who was emotionally hurt from their divorce/separation and as a self-protection approach has emotionally detached from partners, realises this is not fitting with their previous experience, also realises that they have undealt-with emotional damage but is enjoying the feelings of validation and autonomy that could come with post-long term relationship hook-ups.

How many times have you had sex with the 6?

We are all different and although I’ve experienced incredible oral/sex from the first time, I find that usually sex and enjoyment improve over time. So I’d never judge someone for not being great the first time around.

I’m glad you are seemingly enjoying yourself but then you say you’re ’not directing a grown man on what to do’ - why not?
This makes you sound immature and inexperienced and ultimately it is you that suffers.

I think people can have sex with however many people they want to.
I would not judge a stranger doing it as long as they were staying safe etc.

But I personally wouldn’t get with a man that was dating 11 different women as I prefer to be with someone who is a bit more choosy - it comes across as engaging with anyone that gives them a bit of attention, which I find unattractive.

I can’t work out if you’re having fun or not.

If you are then great! Carry on how you are as there’s nothing wrong with it.
But if you’re not then perhaps figure out why and make the appropriate changes.

How can you be bothered 🤔🤔

’dating’ 11 guys at the same time is not something I’d be bragging about.
Perhaps therapy to understand why you need validation from strangers on the internet and random men? Who you refer to as ‘browsing the menu’?
Ick.

Do you have kids ?
Its great if its what you want and you are not a man writing this.
But longterm it sounds lonely. You are only 40. Do you want another longterm relationship? If so none of these type of men are going to be good for that.
If you dont want a longterm relationship then continue as you are .

In what way is it fun? The central point I took from the first post is that you're not actually that happy with any of these 11 men

What do you mean, you've met 6 of them so far? Are the other 5 just online men you are chatting to?

Your inability to orgasm is directly linked to being detached OP. I wouldn't worry too much about it if you're having fun and you can on your own.

Have fun all you want. One day you might have got passed the block.

Dating 11 men is probably good and all, however for lunch yesterday I had THE best sandwich I've ever had, and a delicious cup of tea, now that's what you call mind blowing, and neither the sandwich or my tea send me pictures of their penis angled to make them look massive, nor expect a picture of my spaniel ear boobs propped up to make them look perky.

This is daft.

I'm not even vaguely slut shaming the OP or whatever btw if she is actually female. Its just a weird apropos of nothing thread. And I found the "eww" at the suggestion she is a man weird from someone who seems to like men

I agree.

You're genuinely the first woman I've seen use the term "friend zone" on how you've treated some of these men, I always thought that was a male concept/complaint. Learn something new every day I guess.

Whats your secret? I seem to get borderline obsessed and extremely attached to any man I sleep with...