Only one cooking?

[LucyLoo1972]

Just interested to see how many here do all the cooking in their house?

If they do how are other chores divided up?

and how much are you both working outside of the home?

I think alwasy doing all the shopping/ meal planning/ cooking always is a far bigger task then doing the vacuuming once a week, for example. I dont ithnk men realise the mental load involved in cooking, even if its is soemthing you enjoy.

If it's something you enjoy then I don't believe it's mental load. Are they washing up? I'd say one person cooking and the other doing the clearing up is a fair split, even if it's the same person cooking each time.

thanksthats helpful. they are supposed to be on clear up but in reality dont or try to leave it ot the weekend

I cook because I like it and he washes up, we share all the other jobs. I don't really consider planning meals and cooking a chore because I like food and want something nice to eat.

Dh and I both work full time. During term time we do exactly the same hours, because we drive to work and back together. I have much longer holidays as I'm a teacher. Dh cooks more than me because he really likes cooking. I quite like it, but I get bored with thinking what to cook!

yes I never thought of it as much - but I had a breakdwon and am reassign the load I carried even if I didnt feel it at the time.

im probably moaning too much though

But, @LucyLoo1972 you complain about the state of your relationship on almost every thread you post on, regardless of topic.

Can you really find no way to begin removing yourself from such an unhappy situation?

battle of nerves.
I had this very very early on in our marriage. I wanted a dishwasher (2 more than full time workers, no kids) and he didn't. Made the joke "i'll do the washing up"

so i just let it pile up. And after 2 days? we got a dishwasher, and would never ever be without one.

I Know I need to do that.

but sometimes I just wonder if it was me at fault and after my breakdwon wanted somebody to blame becasue I thought I felt happy at the time. im so confused.

and then I see people on her complaining about really tiny things saying they are going ot leave and I think my expectations weretn wrong.

im just honestly so very confused about why I felt happy at the time

do you have any ideas why?

I love cooking and I think I'm a pretty good cook, so I do most of it. DH can and does cook once or twice a week, but he's not an instinctive cook, so he does all the clearing up, dishwasher and washing up, so that's fair in my mind.

same happened to us.

I used to regularly host huge meals fro a charity I was involved with - like 16 people every month.

I wanted a dishwasher and he didnt - hes skinflint.

it took us aobut five years to get one and it was somebody else from the charity who had to tell him it wasn't on to except me to cope without one.

we both worked more than full-time too

yes - I think its a fair division - trouble is my DH doesnt do the clear up for days

I don't like cooking every day, it's tedious having to decide .

There's that meme about "who knew the hardest thing about being an adult means having to decide what to have for tea every single day for the rest of your life.. "

Alternating seems fair.

I work 20 hours a week, DH is FT (but works for himself so has a pretty flexible schedule).

I do pretty much everything in the home, and have done for the past 20 years.* DH will do an occasional bit of housework or cooking but usually has to be asked. My standards for both housework and cooking are much higher than his so he sometimes tells me I do ‘too much’. 🤔 (Because if the roles were reversed, he’d be quite happy with beige dinners most of the time and an untidy, grubby house).

• DH does the DIY and the garden but neither of these jobs involve daily or even weekly tasks.

I do 90% of the food shopping and cooking, because I actually care what we eat. Dh would literally eat sausages, pizza and jacket potatoes every night on repeat. I don’t want to live on processed food and stodge and I’m a really good cook, so generally I cook. He will happily cook though, I just know I won’t get anything exciting.

At the moment, I don’t work as I’m off long term sick due to cancer. Dh works close to FT (self employed but not a standard 9-5 week). He does about 40% of the school runs and driving around to activities. He does all the DIY, the bins, does all the mowing and hedge trimming or organises whoever does (we have 5 acres so not a small feat). I do a lot of the day to day cleaning, but Dh does the dishes and the post-dinner kitchen cleanup (I go to bed!). He does a good bit of the cleaning if we have family visit (his family so his job to sort stuff this family). He does all the present buying for his family and friends and a significant chunk for the dc.

I am quite territorial about food, and clothes washing, but he does a lot of the other stuff, so definitely not to my disadvantage.

I do 90% of the cooking, I’m quicker and more confident at it.
DP however will wash up every time, and when he does cook he also insists on washing up, if I do it I’m depriving him of a wind down activity apparently 😂 not complaining

Stop cooking for him then.

Dont you run out of pots and dishes?

I literally hate cooking the dinner but it is almost always be simply because when I worked I finished at 4 and it made much more sense with the kids and timings for me to make it vs DH considering he didn’t get home until 7pm.
Now I do most of it as I stay at home but he cooks on his wfh day and one day at the weekend because I’ve explained I do it because it makes sense but I hate it so I don’t want to do 100% of it.

Sometimes I clean as I go but with a toddler under food during whiney hour it can be difficult along side cooking so typically DH does all the cleaning.

we have way too many!!

hes also a hoarder and wont get rid of excess stuff

If someone happy to do all the cooking fair enough, but let’s face it the majority of dinner meals take significantly more time and effort than stacking the dishwasher.

I work full time but my husband works in an occupation where he could be pulling in 80 hours a week some months. I do all the cooking and cleaning but I am happy to do do because it would stress me out not to do so and he pays all the bills so I am happy to do the extra in ther house so he can come home to relax. We can afford to get a cleaner but I am happy with our set up

OP, constantly posting separately about every individual thing that bothers you about your marriage isn’t helping you.

You’ve been told many, many times that your relationship is awful and that you need to leave.

You don't have to live like this.

Even if he's not abusive (which is doubtful from bits & pieces I've seen you post), even if he's a nice guy - if you're miserable in the relationship, you're allowed to leave it.

I was a SAHM with a DH who worked away, so it was normal for me to do everything at that time. Fast forward 20+ years and DH is retired, I’m working PT, and I’m still doing most of the grunt work. He will cook/clear up a couple of nights a week and occasionally clean the bathroom, but that’s it. I don’t want to live in a pig sty so I guess I have to get on with it, as he says that he doesn’t see the mess/dirt.

I like cooking and I’m good at it. Less fond of thinking about the food we need, shopping for it and clearing up. DH much better at clearing up and doesn’t mind it. But much as I like cooking there was no way I was going to do all the meal thinking, prepping etc. We divided it up fairly equally now, he’s much better at cooking etc than when we first got together.

the general day to day catering turns into a slog unless you divide it up.

I did the same with cleaning when we moved in!

we’ve had a cleaner to do his share ever since!

happy to do 50% but I’m not a skivvy