Only one cooking?

[LucyLoo1972]

Just interested to see how many here do all the cooking in their house?

If they do how are other chores divided up?

and how much are you both working outside of the home?

I think alwasy doing all the shopping/ meal planning/ cooking always is a far bigger task then doing the vacuuming once a week, for example. I dont ithnk men realise the mental load involved in cooking, even if its is soemthing you enjoy.

This is ridiculous. Clearing-up means returning her kitchen / dining room to its original state the evening of the meal. No one wants to come down in the morning to dirty dishes. I haven’t done that since I was about 25.

thanks - I was very happy in my marriage befroe the breakdown and really didnt tihnk it was abusive before. it was only after when doctors and therapists raised soem questions particularly aobut financial issues.

sometimes I think its me thats the problem and its all in my imagination becasue I lost the plot and lost my mind

yes- I was so compliant I just let it go when most women wouldnt do that

yes - I asked and asked for a cleaner because it bothered me the house was a state and I just dint have time and im rubbish at cleaning. I was doing a phd and had three jobs.

becsaue he hoards thigns there is so much stuff in our house it would be impossible to have a cleaner without radical change in the house and thats hard for people with hoarding as a disorder

its all really unutterably sad. now im so broken with ym MH that I havent worked for years btu I am so catacomb I cant motivate myself to clean becasue my depression is so so bad

Why did you have to ask his permission to get a cleaner?

You're an adult, you made your own money if you were working 3 jobs. Did he control through money you made?

What was he doing while you worked 3 jobs and studied?

he works really exceptionally hard as a teacher

o realise now I asked permission for even tiny things

I didnt earn very much as they were very part time jobs. and also for some reason all the bills and food came out of my account -we dissent have a joint account

we would generally make decisions like that together but also hes a hoarder - no way a cleaner could clean in here

its all a mess because all these things were impacting my mental health very severely

My ex did all the cooking as he liked it.

I did all the laundry. We had a good split of jobs really. That wasn’t why we split up.

My dad did all the cooking when I was a kid too, and that was a long time ago. Not all men are useless.

When married, I would do all (well, 98%) of the food shop, cooking, gardening, DIY, she would do all (well 98%) of washing, 75% of cleaning, 60% of washing up?

To be honest, having been on my own for 3 years, I love doing washing and to a degree the cleaning as its done my way.

I love shopping and cooking so dont see it as a chore although at times it would ne nice not to have to bother

my husabnd does do other chores - I cant fault him for that

I cook because I’m a control freak. I plan and buy the food too. I hate coming home to something that someone else has cooked for me. he always washes up, which I hate doing. He also hoovers.

I love cooking. DH doesn't eat as much as I can cook in one afternoon (retired now), so do batch cooking. He cleans up the kitchen completely, including inside the oven, dishwasher stuff (twice a day normally), fridge. Everything is cleaned up after evening meal. I do shopping and cooking. He used to do quite a lot of ordinary cooking (stews, fry ups, ready pies and veg) when he worked shifts. So nothing feels too much now.