NC family member won’t accept it

[FlippingEco]

No contact family member won’t accept that i dont speak to them anymore. It’s been 5 YEARS but they won’t give up. Is the only option to move? I live in a council house though so moving isnt that easy (no judgement for that please) has anyone else been in this situation?

Obviously you don't need to share if you don't want to but can I ask roughly about the circumstances behind why you went NC? I'm just asking because it might help give context to their current behaviour. Also what are they doing now 5 years later, what level of contact are we talking about on their part/ your part? How have you responded to them to date since going nc?

Not spoken to them in 5 years, I don’t want to go into the reasons I want nothing to do with them and have repeatedly told them when they attempt to. It hasn’t come out of nowhere it’s been for the entire 5 years not consistently.

Don't answer the door or phone to them. Delete or bin any letters or emails unread. They can't do anything to change it, if you don't want to change.

I don’t answer the door or phone but doesnt stop them coming round and it’s very annoying

What happens when they come round?
I would be asking the police for advice, surely this is harassment. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Well the last incident was shouting thing through the letter box, my teens dont like being left home alone incase they show up, when they should be able to feel comfortable being left home alone.

If you've told them clearly so they know you're nc with them and they are continuing to come and knock your door and show up at your property then I'd be speaking to a solicitor about a cease and desist re: harassment and I'd also be speaking to police re: stalking and harassment. Do they knock and then leave or do they become volatile when on your property?

If it would give you peace of mind by moving would a house swap be an option? I know you might not want to lose the security of a council house but would a private rental give you more flexibility if you have the means?

Won’t be able to private rent I live in London and dont want to move out of London just the opposite end would be nice! So private renting would be too expensive for me. Depends what they are feeling like sometimes they hang around, sometimes they just shout things through then drive off.

tell them if they come near your house ever again you will call the police. Why should you have to move? It is entirely up to you who you have a relationship with. Best wishes.

Thanks, I’d happily move if it was an option, they don’t just show up at my house but I often bump into them in the area and they once showed up at my kids school. It would be nice to never see them ever again!

Apply for a restraining order? It’s like to mean you have to report to the police to be able to do so.

They’re harassing you and your children and they’re not going to stop. You need to talk to the police.

have you tried looking at Facebook pages for council house swaps? If you do, then use an account that is locked down and with a different name to your own.

But also, if you have told them not to contact you again and they keep contacting you, then you can go the police as they are harassing you. Any letters, texts, social media messages, ring door bell (or similar) footage to support this would be good.

I have seen home swap pages but they look like they are full of time wasters and messers and I can’t be bothered with stuff like that. I wouldn’t do an exchange. Also nothing stopping the person telling them my new address. I haven’t kept any letters they sent. What would the police actually do?

Many years ago I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Seemingly out of nowhere.
I never spoke much about my childhood at home. The times at friends houses and such I remembered in great clarity. But home. My wife used to comment that I never spoke much about it.

My breakdown involved a flood of childhood horror memories of being whipped bloody and all sorts of things by my dad. I spoke to my younger sister about them and it unlocked a cascade of memories from us both. Went to counseling and was told the blocking of memories like that is a defense mechanism and quite common in kids who were abused from such a young age.

Instantly cut all contact with our dad, not that there was much. The wider family all knew and put pressure on to get back in contact. Simple fix. Cut contact with them too.

It took a few years to sink in. He would turn up randomly and was ignored. At a family funeral with someone I kept contact a cousin took it upon himself to politely suggest to our dad to stay away or he would be removed. Hes one who I certainly kept contact with (huge family)

Many years pass and the no contact was eventually upheld by him more out of defeat I think.

Me and my sister got a call a few years back on christmas from the hospital. Asking us to go in as next of kin. They took time establishing that as he'd removed us from his medical stuff.

He'd passed away. We were taken to his corpse still on the ward. He still had his untouched christmas dinner on the little table along with a cracker. Well what were we supposed to do. We pulled his cracker over his corpse and left to get back to our own christmas.

There was no funeral. No one really cared in the family. Turned out he'd leant most of them large sums of money and was putting the boot in for them to put pressure on me and my sister.

He'd screwed up a will so both of us inherited his estate.

To put into context what a despicable person he was. His neighbour of decades was a vicar. I knocked on her door to let her know. Her words were "I hadn't seen him for a few weeks and did start to wonder. I didnt want to knock on his door though incase he was still alive as then I'd have to talk to him"
She then offered us the use of her kitchen and toilet while we cleaned out the house as she thought that might be the better option for us.

If there is a reason for no contact. Stick with it. Do not bow or change. Just live as if they are nothing as one day thats exactly what they will be.

Speak to the local police. They may go and have a chat with them first and ask them to respect that you don’t want contact.

If you report every contact to them you will have a log to eventually get a restraining order.

Yes, honestly, moving helped a lot! I have been NC with my mum for 6 years. She married a convicted paedophile and facilitated his contact with my children (until I found out about his past). She has also facilitated his contact with other children he has abused since they have been together.

She is blocked on everything but email. I keep email open just in case she dies or is seriously ill and someone wants to try to contact me through her account. I don’t know if anyone would. I don’t think her partner would and she doesn’t have many friends left. All the friends who knew me have also cut ties with her.

She does contact me via email a few times a year. I can anticipate when it’s likely to happen (Christmas, my birthday, Mother’s Day), so I simply don’t check my email then. I ‘read’ the emails so they disappear but don’t actually read them. They all say the same thing anyway, how terrible I am and how her partner is a lovely man. She has sort of worked out our address now (my name and town, but post gets to me), but for 4 years she had no idea where I lived and it was wonderful! She doesn’t live in the UK, so can’t just pop up for a visit, thank god, but I highly recommend moving.

Honestly, I would be very direct that you do not wish to have any contact. Any further contact with be reported as harassment. Then I’d report to the police and seek a non-molestation order if necessary. You deserve to live in peace. It’s not your job to pander to anyone who thinks they can demand a relationship with you. If you’ve been clear that you want no relationship, you should be left alone and those boundaries respected.

Police would have a word with them initially and if they continued they may arrest them. A police report will also enable you to apply for a non molestation order which means police can arrest them more easily if they breach it.

Thanks all I will go to the police, hopefully they will do something. Hoping one day to be able to move far away.

I'd go to the police, they are likely to advise you that it is a civil matter and you should apply for a non-molestation order, but try the police first.

Not sure what you are asking tbh it's very vague.

You could send them a 'cease and desist' letter, which might possibly put them off.

Thank you, I will look into this, I’ve looked into NMO and it seems I need proof but I’ve deleted messages from them and when they show up at the school etc it would be my word against theirs. So I will look into sending them a letter.

It sounds as though you’re happy with your home and don’t actually want to move except that it would stop this person disturbing your peace and upsetting your children. Is that right?
If so, all you can really do now is decide to keep a record of every text, call, visit, letter. Get a notebook and log every incidence of unwanted contact because it will help the police to help you.

I mean dont get me wrong I’d happily move away, I don’t live in the best of areas I actually only moved round here to be close to family but after the fall out I now no longer want to be around here but I like my house and kids are settled in school but I’d move tomorrow if I had rhe chance. I will keep a log.