Abusive parent’s big birthday nightmare.

[DunDunDuuuuuuhh]

My parents were both abusive.
For clarity; I am in my 40s, our DCs are adults.

What do I mean by abuse?
Physical abuse including severe corporate punishment.
Starvation followed by an excess of feeding.
Knowledge that a family member was sexually abusing us and doing nothing about it with the exception of the favourite sibling.
Lying and gaslighting us so we were told our memories are false.
Emotional abuse.
There is more.

One of my siblings left home at 18 and never returned.

I know I am an idiot. Though in fairness I did have many friends. The friends I did have I did not tell them about the abuse because I thought it was normal and everyone was abused.

When I met DH we realised we had and were still both being abused by our parents.
DH went NC with his parents within 3 years.
Sucker that I am I went LC.

Now a very plush invitation has arrived in the post for my parent’s big birthday. They were born within months of each other.

Is it ok for me not to go?
If so do I not go and say something?
Or say nothing?

Yes I know I need to see a psychologist. It is difficult to find a good accessible long term psychologist.

This is brilliant. I am so pleased you’ve found your strength and finally stuck up for yourself . Youve wrote some very relatable reasons their ie given permission , marching out of step , and your weight lifted is fantastic . Welcome to your new world / life where you can stand proud of yourself , start loving yourself , and recognising your worth . They will try and bait you , guilt you , but don’t worry , they are gorillas !
You may start to feel angry at yourself to why you allowed them to treat you this way for so long , why you didn’t stick up for yourself sooner , please don’t , you are only in your 40s still learning life and honestly I think you’ve made this great decision young . Young enough to have your own life without them , grow as a person and when they need someone to attend their pity parties , FUCK THAT SHIT.

its becasue you. were abused.

ive suffered childhood trauma and thought I was ok until I went into psychosis at 44 and lost everythign id worked for - id managed ot get a phd from an elite university.

ive now even developed disabilities - I feel half human

my psychosis revolved around me believing id done something wrong -- that I was an evil monster. I was a Christian minister and basically gave and gave and gave to others especially my husband until there was nothing left.

I was LC until after my breakdwown when I told my father I wanted a break from seeing him he made threats of physical violence (he is 80) and I had to call the police. he would turn up at my door without notice or warning form hundreds of miles away

Oh and when you read stuff in the future on social media like ‘you only get one mam’ and stuff like ‘there’s no love like a mothers love’ that people honestly believe applies to every mother Fuck that shit as well !