Anonymous message identity revealed

[Dontknowwhattobelieve2]

Following up from my last thread about my partner receiving an anonymous message about having chlamydia, he received another from a different number but this time it was the “I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one you’re seeing.. if I’m the only one you’ll know my name” trend from TikTok. Straight away he text me thinking I was the one that sent it.

I text that number myself and it was clearly someone trying to split us up, telling him he’d seen me holding hands with a very hot man in Tesco and vice versa. To cut a long story short they slipped up and turns out it’s MY EX who I split with 9 years ago. We both blocked the number and within days my partner starts getting texts from another number, ex again, only this time he’s claiming I’m in bed with him. He’s causing so many problems and I can feel a shift in my partner, which part of me understands, it’s a lot especially considering we’ve only been together since September. I’ve been to the police about it and they shrugged me off like I was wasting their time.

How on earth did an ex from 9 years ago get current partners number! Is he stalking you? Log with police.

As pp said. This is stalking. Phone the police back

Isn't there an anti stalking charity, Paladin? They may well be worth talking to.

I would go back to police, name it as stalking and ask what they're going to do about it. Laws around stalking in the UK have been overhauled recently so it should be on their radar but I guess training may still be being rolled out. I'd also speak to a solicitor about a non mol/ cease and desist?

I remember your first thread. I thought it was a random scam. It’s a lot weirder than it’s someone you know, how on earth did they get your Dh number and what is their motive for going this 9 years down the line?

Yes, I work with Paladin in a professional capacity, they are fantastic.

https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/

I'd strongly advise contacting them @Dontknowwhattobelieve2

Speak to a family law solicitor about a non-molestation order given that it’s your ex, you’d meet the criteria to apply for one.

Have you done Clare's Law on your ex? If he's doing this God knows what he's been up to since the last few years you've seen him.

Absolutely report this again to police as stalking.

Cite the example to of Dr. Amie Harwick in the us who was killed by an ex she hadn’t seen for 8 years.

They can’t assume because the ex is long gone he’s not dangerous.

@Scared0112That’s something we've both been wondering.

@TheCurious0range thank you, I’ve never heard of paladin before but I will definitely be checking it out.

This ex has also attacked a male friend of mine, around 5 years ago because he thought we were together, he left him with a bust nose, my friend didn’t want to report it to the police. I haven’t heard or seen anything of ex since but I’m concerned about what he will do.

Bloody hell - from 9 years ago. WTF is wrong with some people

How did the ex get both of your numbers?

i am in a similar sort of situation. My ex of over 25 years sent me a death threat last year, using a fake name. I went to the police literally in bits shaking crying I couldn’t even stand at the counter in the police station as I was so terrified. They have been useless.

I went through a court case all those years ago and ex was deemed a threat to both of us so had his parental responsibility removed. He’s not allowed to know where we live or anything about us. To make sure I was even safer I moved hundreds of miles to a place that was unknown to me and built a new life.

the police had an appointment with me a week later to tell me that he’s marked as extreme threat to life towards me and I am to be ‘careful’. They confirmed they have him on record and know his previous names, addresses. Until he does anything to me they can’t do anything l feel completely let down.

How has your ex, who you dated 9 years ago managed to get hold of your current partner's number??? How does your ex even know you are seeing someone?? I have to assume that any social media you have is locked down and the same for your partner? Is your ex friends with anyone who you know? Do you still live at the same address as you did when you were dating your ex? Do you still work for the same company, as you did when you dated your ex? I'm wondering if he's physically stalking you, to know you're dating etc?

You need to go back to the police and I'd recommend contacting a stalking charity. The police need to, at the very least, log this.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I didn’t see your first thread, but this alone makes me feel sick for you. I was stalked many years ago, and I was terrified everywhere I went.

Go back to the police and definitely use the word stalking. I don’t know if Women’s Aid can help you with advice maybe, even if just to point you in the right direction for help?

@Sassylovesbooks we have no idea how he got my partners number, but after we split he did anything he could to get mine, I had to change it 6 times in a few weeks, in the end I cut everyone off and only my family and now my partner have my number, I’m unsure if my partners friends would pass it on, but he can be very manipulative when he needs to be. I’m guessing he’s seen us together at some point, and as they went to the same school he would know his name. I’m not on any social media and my partners is locked down. I’ve seen him twice in the last week and a half, the first time is when he slipped up that it was him sending the messages, the second time he was with who I can only guess his girlfriend (they were holding hands) so I have no idea what his motive is.

I went to the police when we first split as I received a stream of abusive messages, it was minimized back then and told to just block or change my number, I’ve kind of lost faith in the police if I’m honest.

I'd imagine that he's used manipulation to trick someone who knows your partner, into giving him the number. You obviously live in the same town, so it isn't beyond the realms of possibility that he's seen you both together. I can only guess that he's seen you together recently, and it's that, which triggered him to track down your partner's number and message him.

Considering how persistent your ex was at the time of your split, I can see him continuing with his harassment. Definitely contact the stalking charity mentioned further up thread, and see if they can give you advice. The charity might have advice with regards to reporting to the police and being taken seriously. Did you tell the police you had to change your phone number 6 times when you split and that he beat a friend of yours because he wrongly believed you were in a relationship?

The man is unhinged (sorry MNers I'm using 'that' word!), and the fact he beat a friend of yours several years after you split, because he thought you were in a relationship with him, says that your current partner is in a vulnerable position.

@Sassylovesbooks makes a very good point - your current bf may be at risk.

I think you need to take this very seriously OP and speak to Paladin and (sorry) to the police again.

My partner has now decided he no longer wants to continue our relationship due to the harassment from my ex, I’m absolutely gutted. I’m so angry, I feel sick, I hate that he’s ruined my relationship, that he still has control over my life. I just want to be happy and I was and he came along and wrecked it.

I'm so sorry op. That's deeply unfair. I think it's a bit crap on your boyfriends side to break up over this tbh. Do you have much in real life support around you? I think the more people who know what your ex is doing the better.

Your dh needs to reply and tell them to stop contacting him. When they do contact him again he can file for harassment with the police x

@Pineappleice43hes blocked numerous numbers already and within days ex is messaging from a new one.

@UpDownAllAround1excuse me?

@Lavender14 As gutted as I am I can see why he’s decided to end it it’s a lot to deal with especially so soon into the relationship. I haven’t really got any real life support I keep everyone at arms length because a fair few people I classed as close friends sided with him and reported back on what I was doing.

You poor thing, so sorry to hear this.

However, if you boyfriend is willing to break up over something like this, which is no reflection on you at all, then that probably says something about his feelings for you (or lack thereof) to begin with, and you may find it for the best in the long run.

In the meantime, keep a record of everything your ex does because this IS harassment/stalking.

Would it be worth changing your phone number? I know it's a pain. But it would give you some useful information - if he gets the new one, you would someone in your family/friendship group still keeps in touch with him and feeds him information.....

That's really sad OP, I'm so sorry.

It does I think tell you something about your new partner. He should at least have supported you in going back to the police. The irony is your new ex is likely still in danger as how will the mad ex know you have both split?

Please do go back to the police and report - you may strike it lucky and get someone helpful. It's hit and miss sadly. At least it will be on record if anything does escalate and you need further support, or god forbid him to be arrested.

As an aside, I wonder if the fact he was known to your ex from school has played a part in this. Something has triggered this behaviour.