I’ve finally ended it. Someone give my head a wobble please!

[HaloHaze]

Ohmygod. I have finally told my vile abusive pig of a husband it’s over and so far I haven’t backed down and let him change my mind.
Last night he decided he needed sex, it had been too long (about a week) and the way it usually goes
is that if I say no, he will just whine, or guilt trip, or shout and rant until I just agree to it, just to get him to leave me alone. I can’t even bear him to touch me anymore, I feel physical revulsion as he’s been doing this for YEARS.

Last night something just flipped and I thought no! I’m not being forced into sex I don’t want anymore, he can rant all night if he wants.

I told him it’s over.

I have told him I’m done many times before but he always gives me false hope and promises and wears me down and makes me change my mind and give him another chance.
This morning he was awful, he seemed to realise I wasnt changing my mind this time and said he was willing to separate amicably, then switched and said if he finds out I’m lying or trying to screw him over, I will regret it, he will turn nasty and make my life hell, he’s willing to go to prison.
Then followed me from room to room asking if I think he won’t carry out his threats.

When he realised I wasn’t backing down, he changed tactics and started crying and saying he was devastated, telling me he’s a great man, I’m lucky to have him and I won’t find anyone better than him, saying I’m ruining the kids lives and we will both regret it.

He’s refusing to leave until we sell the house, he won’t buy me out as he doesn’t want the house. I can’t afford to leave so we are stuck living here together until we can sell it. 2 kids stuck in the middle of it all.

I am 100% done. I need to be strong and not give in to his manipulation.

Lots of 💐

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Check out Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies.

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Oh wow, well done you for staying strong. He sounds absolutely vile.
selling houses can take a long time, do you have anywhere you csn stay until then, such as with parents or anything else away from him?
Please don’t let him change your mind, sending love 💕and you csn do this xx

Well done lovely, stay strong.

good for you. get your ducks in a row and make moves to sell.

If he is verbally abusive OP would it be worth speaking to women’s aid who may be able to give some advice on how to keep safe here? He sounds quite threatening and probably would meet a definition of coercive control from the small amount of information provided here.

If he’s been Coercing you that is a crime
maybe townhouse tlak tkt he police about this
see if they can help get him out esp as he’s been threating you too
could you secretly record his threats for evidence
it’s a crime to threaten someone with violence

please

Don’t let him change your mind

Sounds like things may escalate from what you’ve said, I doubt things will go smoothly until the house sells. It will likely be lots of abusive behaviour so if you can find somewhere to live in the meantime I think that would be a better option.

Fucking hell, he is a monster. You will come through this and be free

He sounds horrific. Well done OP. You will be so much happier without him.

Oh good lord, you must hold out. He sounds like an absolute pig.

Stay strong OP 💪 You have got this x

Op if he's threatening your safety and saying he's willing to go to prison then you cannot stay in that house, especially with your kids. You contact womans aid and ask for support to get a refuge space or you go to a friends temporarily.

If you're single and depending on your earnings and savings in your name you might be entitled to help through uc. You need to ring a citizens advice service to see what help is out there.

If you walked out the door now with nothing but the clothes on your back and your two children womans aid would get you sorted. He sounds dangerous. You also need to report him to the police op. They may be able to remove him from the house so I'd report his behaviour and ask if they can help get rid of him.

If your name is on the house you can change the locks.

You've absolutely done the right thing , honestly when you're out the other side of this you are not going to know yourself. Life will be peaceful and happy and you'll feel free.

I called the police a few years ago when he was being really threatening and I was so scared I ran out the house in my pyjamas. They were not helpful, made me feel like I was overreacting and being hysterical and it just made him worse the next time.

There so much coercion and emotional abuse but how do you even prove that?! He’s very charming and convincing.

I could report the sexual coercion to police but there’s no proof, it’s just my word against his. I don’t know if I could even talk to someone else about it out loud, it’s humiliating. Today he is trying to make me doubt myself and denying he’s ever forced me. He brought up a sexual assault that I experienced when I was younger before we met and saying it couldn’t have happened like I told him, as I would have reported it and gone to court to give evidence if it actually happened. He reckons this proves I have a pattern of lying about this type of thing! (It did happen but I chose not to report at the time as I just wanted to move on with my life and forget about about it).

I also don’t dare to try to record as he caught me recording him a couple of months ago (not for evidence, purely for my own sanity as he always denies things afterwards) and he caught me and went mad. Now whenever he gets angry he asks me if I’m recording him and accuses me of peppery setting up arguments so I can record him and make him look bad.

I have called domestic abuse helpline before but haven’t really found them to be able to offer much help as I don’t want to go to a refuge. It doesn’t feel bad enough.

Op you need to open your eyes

Your husband is essentially raping you and he has threatened your safety

If you cant talk to the police or womens aid can you speak to a friend or family member?

He’s made these types of threats multiple times before, this is nothing new, I don’t really believe he will actually act on it and do any physical harm, he’s just trying to get me to give in and do what he wants.
if that’s not working he will change tactic and play the victim and try to make me feel sorry for him.

i just need to stay strong and not let him wear me down

You need women’s aid and an occupation order urgently OP

Please god don’t think it isn’t bad enough. It is and it’s about to get a lot worse if you are ending the relationship.

It IS bad enough OP.
luckily Ive never experienced anything like this so don’t know how it feels but it sounds absolutely bad enough to me.
please report him and tell them you fear for your safety and you can refer to previous complaint's made, that’s why it’s important to get them logged as it builds up a picture to the authorities as to what he’s like.
how long have you been married? Has he always been like this?

Her eyes are wide open. She doesn't need you being so blunt.

I was married to a pig like this. I walked out and left everything behind. Got a small house to rent and never looked back.
I know what you are going through. Stay strong.

I've also been there, and he came out with exactly the same stuff when I finally said I was done.

Very similar position regarding sex as well, I would be shaking on my way home from work when I knew I had to have sex with him.

I won't lie, it was hard, but absolutely worth it.

Can you get a therapist ASAP? I found mine far more helpful than women's aid. I also told my gp, my closest friends and then I moved into the spare room and basically stopped interacting with him.

Lots on YouTube. Dr Rhamani was brilliant. Amd the book "the verbally abusive relationship " was life changing.

Stay firm, grey rock, don't explain, stay strong.

Stay firm. Best thing i ever did throwing my ex out

She is minimising "it doesn't feel bad enough"

Op - it is bad enough and once an abusive man feels you are slipping away his behaviour very often escalates

Something that helped me in the past was writing down all the reasons I left, then when I feel myself missing him or the relationship I read what I wrote and it put my mind right back where it needed to be. You go through stages where you forget the bad and miss any good times. X