Boyfriend hosting a “Healthy Communication” workshop on Valentine’s Day. He didn't tell me about it. We’re currently in the middle of a communication breakdown. Help navigating.

[Chrysanthemumgrandiflorum]

I’m (F) at a total loss and honestly, I feel like I’m going to explode. My partner just informed me, via a casual "PS" in a text, that he’s co-hosting a community circle on Valentine’s Day. The topic? How to communicate effectively in relationships. The irony is:

In the last month, we’ve been on a break, had a screaming match on our street, and he went on a tirade telling me we “aren't in a real relationship” and maybe we are just casual, and that we should only meet outside, because I didn't want to sleep over one night and for him sleepovers are important. He has a massive issue with me making last-minute plans (which I have tried to get better at intentionally over time), yet he has been planning and hosting this entire event without even a heads-up to me, on V-day. The email communication landed in my inbox about it from the other organiser with his face on my screen before he told me about it which was just a sentence saying, i am hosting a community circle on Saturday. I’ve read the event email over and over.

I see the list of topic, vulnerability, active listening, gentle communication. These are the things I have been starving for in our relationship. I told him I was upset and why and he owned up to it and apologised but I can't get over it, and said he has already planned a surprise that night, but I don't care. I keep looking at this email, reading the themes and thinking this is just no.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I am going crazy, like is it a one-off mistake? We all forget to heads-up sometimes. I'm just going insane thinking he's off to guide communication workshop when he can’t even give your partner a heads-up about Valentine’s Day, ABOUT THE TOPICS we specifically struggle with....I want to talk to him about it again, I just don't even know what to say apart from I am still so mad and deeply hurt. How do I navigate this without being mean.

Do you mean he is running a workshop to train other people about vulnerability, active listening, gentle communication? If he is, then clearly he knows exactly what they are and how to deploy them, but is choosing not to.

Walk away ? You say boyfriend - so walk

Be mean. Move on. You're not getting what you need from this relationship, it makes no difference if he thinks he is in a position to teach others how to communicate in relationships.

Alternatively, sign up for the community circle and dump him publicly in the middle of it, because he is a shit communicator. Or attend and laugh loudly at his suggestions on improving communication in a relationship. If you fancy the scorched earth route.

Honestly OP, he sounds like a twat.

Yeah, this is creepy

Quite literally what was in the email as skills participants will learn and explore in the session, yes.

Loving the idea of you dumping him publicly in the middle of his communication circle - for poor communication and lack of active listening. 😹

Exactly. 'Here's your communication you fucknugget'.

What a wanker.

YABU to stay in a relationship with this wanker. Why are you with him?!

Let him do the event, but on the strict condition that he lets you workshop your communication issues in front of the whole group as a live case study.

I feel like I am going crazy

Whenever you feel like this, end the relationship. It usually means you are in a toxic relationship. Whether or not you contribute is something to figure out when single but never stay when you start doubting your sanity.

Sorry if I missed it but what exactly qualifies him to speak on this?

Leave and treat yourself this weekend
You dont need him

I actually. went into psychosis and now I donate now what's ever true or not about the relationship

I feel like I’d email the company running it and tell them he’s an inappropriate host tbh.

Exactly what I’m wondering!

Sorry OP but this has really made me laugh. You’ve had some hilarious suggestions about what to do, but ultimately it sounds like this relationship isn’t working for you.

The relationship sounds toxic for both of you. You don't seem to like each other at all. The workshop is irrelevant and the date and Valentines is irrelevant.

Finish things with him by message or phone (privately) and go NC and don't follow his workshops or classes.

Oh please do this 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Golden! That would be a "workshop" that everyone would remember for once!

If it’s open to anyone I’d turn up unannounced and just put your hand up at every opportunity asking what you can do to make your boyfriend communicate better as he seems to think he’s doing a great job, but in fact didn’t even tell you he was working on Valentine’s Day until you saw it in an email etc. Don’t let on to anyone that he’s the boyfriend and just ask ever more awkward questions throughout the event to make him squirm! I know I probably wouldn’t have the balls to do this. But it would be hilarious.

I could never date a man who uses the words “community circle”. Ew.

Yes, who's offered him this role? Is it something like a church organisation?

I'd just disappear and make my own plans. Cinema or hotel by myself with some treats. Let him figure it out if he's the communications expert.

He had a big tantrum about you setting a boundary, that you didn't want him to stay over one night. It sounds like he's got anger and control issues as well as being manipulative.

This workshop at no notice is a fuck you to you.

That he's teaching it means he knows exactly what he's doing.

That you're getting into screaming matches on the street means you're in a toxic relationship and time to exit.

What the F is a communication circle?
He sounds quite mad. I think walk away now!

Definitely not his own relationship by the sounds of it 😳🤔

Please end the relationship before Saturday. He is a terrible person and you do not owe him a single second more of your time. You will be happier without him