Boyfriend hosting a “Healthy Communication” workshop on Valentine’s Day. He didn't tell me about it. We’re currently in the middle of a communication breakdown. Help navigating.

[Chrysanthemumgrandiflorum]

I’m (F) at a total loss and honestly, I feel like I’m going to explode. My partner just informed me, via a casual "PS" in a text, that he’s co-hosting a community circle on Valentine’s Day. The topic? How to communicate effectively in relationships. The irony is:

In the last month, we’ve been on a break, had a screaming match on our street, and he went on a tirade telling me we “aren't in a real relationship” and maybe we are just casual, and that we should only meet outside, because I didn't want to sleep over one night and for him sleepovers are important. He has a massive issue with me making last-minute plans (which I have tried to get better at intentionally over time), yet he has been planning and hosting this entire event without even a heads-up to me, on V-day. The email communication landed in my inbox about it from the other organiser with his face on my screen before he told me about it which was just a sentence saying, i am hosting a community circle on Saturday. I’ve read the event email over and over.

I see the list of topic, vulnerability, active listening, gentle communication. These are the things I have been starving for in our relationship. I told him I was upset and why and he owned up to it and apologised but I can't get over it, and said he has already planned a surprise that night, but I don't care. I keep looking at this email, reading the themes and thinking this is just no.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I am going crazy, like is it a one-off mistake? We all forget to heads-up sometimes. I'm just going insane thinking he's off to guide communication workshop when he can’t even give your partner a heads-up about Valentine’s Day, ABOUT THE TOPICS we specifically struggle with....I want to talk to him about it again, I just don't even know what to say apart from I am still so mad and deeply hurt. How do I navigate this without being mean.

Put yourself first @Chrysanthemumgrandiflorum and your boyfriend far away from you.

In the last month, we’ve been on a break, had a screaming match on our street, and he went on a tirade telling me we “aren't in a real relationship” and maybe we are just casual,

Your relationship is over. He doesn't care enough/any more so walk away before your self esteem plummets.

He’s a headworker and an extremely tedious one at that. In the bin. Don’t engage with his nonsense. Regardless of this bizarre stunt, any man you’re dating who doesn’t make romantic plans on Valentine’s Day is an immediate next!

I wish OP would come back and update us on her Valentine’s Day

The evening was going well, until I was sharing an anxiety I was having and he focused on correcting my grammar during the conversation, and it became a whole debate that ruined the night.

A few weeks later, I broke down and broke up with him because, well I had broken down, and could not take any more debates/conflicts over nothing. I just kept having this feeling that this man tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but in reality, he didn't even like me like as a person?

Well done Op. He sounds like the worst sort. How are you feeling now?

Thank you. Honestly, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster since I left but overall, I have so much less anxiety, I don't feel insane, even if I am ruminating and going through things. I don't feel crazy and unhinged which is huge. And over the last week or so, I have felt this sense of deep rage and deep sadness around finally being smacked with the reality of what the hell was the entire relationship and how I was being treated with disrespect and kind of how humiliating a lot of the relationship was. I am hoping I can retain this clarity and move forward. I'm in pain but I also feel free. It's a bit crazy to reflect on how bad it was with this new clarity.

He has been communicating with you, but you're not paying attention.

From your posts, he's communicated very clearly that he does not care about you, your anxieties, fears or anything you think the relationship should be giving you.
When are you going to receive his messages, and dump him?

What an absolute twat. Dump.

Maybe read the update and find out? The OP is trying to communicate with you but you haven't spotted the signs!

You're correct. I did indeed miss the most pertinent part. 🎊.

I know the moment has passed (and encouraged to see from the update that you are moving towards recovery - onwards and upwards!) but as you were on a break anyway, I might have considered at the time having a gift delivered to him - a mirror. I wonder if this great communicator would have worked out that message.