Told DH I’m done after 25 years

[Thisisntme1]

Last Friday I told my DH of 25 years that I was done. I didn’t mean to, it just came out. He was so happy for the weekend ahead and was paying me a compliment and I just started crying and had to tell him.

This has been a long time coming, we’ve been arguing or some sort of tension between us for 6 months (this time l, but there has been a repeated cycle of behaviour for as long as we’ve been together).

I’ve been with him since I was 17 and he’s all I know.
I love him and hate to see him so sad and I’m so worried I’ve just totally blown up my whole life, just when things were getting good/easier with having older teens and young adult kids.

I’ve been feeling pretty dead and numb inside for a while and he knew this but still said he feels pretty shocked and blindsided.
I don’t know where to go from here.
Today I’m faltering and I really don’t know if I’ve made the right decision or if I’ve just blown up my whole life.
But I also know I’ve felt this way repeatedly over the years so as unhealthy as it may be, I’m trying to hold onto the bad feelings I would get when I used to bring up and issue and it would turn into a 2 week argument.

What have I done 😩

These very long term relationships from such a young age are extremely hard and often separate in midlife if they survive the twenties. You just become different people. You want to experience different people. You want to do different things. It's okay. Life goes on.

Why do YOU have to leave? Ask him to leave. If he is so decent, he will. He doesn't think it is over because there is no plan. Tell him to move out and he has 2 months to find a new place and get a lawyer. He will hang on and hang on because he can't imagine how to run his life without you. Well, it's time for him to learn. Beginning with learning how to find a rental.

Small update, we’re still living in this weird limbo.
I don’t want to go into all the logistics and it sound like we’re making excuses but there’s nothing available in our area that is affordable, we’re both looking. There’s a few other things for us to consider.

Theres been a lot of talks, a lot of arguing, a lot of quiet and some getting along.
We haven’t mentioned anything to the kids yet until we have a solid plan.

Sometimes I backslide and wonder what the hell I’m doing, I feel like I’m blowing up my whole life and maybe I’m overreacting but then he says something that reminds me of all the other times he’s tried to be manipulative (even if he doesn’t realise it) and it’s like my body just refuses to ever go back to that place so that reaffirms my decision.

Ideally I’d like to eventually fix things between us, but we just can’t do it while living under the same roof atm, I trigger him and he triggers me.
But he’s also not doing anything at all to make any changes.

I think he thinks if he just lays low for a while and is nice I’ll forget about it all and get over it, like all the other times, but it never lasts, there’s always a sarcastic comment at some point if he realises it’s not going how he thinks.

I think he thinks if he just lays low for a while and is nice I’ll forget about it all and get over it, like all the other times, but it never lasts, there’s always a sarcastic comment at some point if he realises it’s not going how he thinks

It’s so easy to get sucked back in- focus on the fact that “it never lasts” and “Madness is doing the same thing and expecting different results" 💐