I didn’t take/hide/steal DP passport !

[passportstealer]

DP has a female best friend he’s known her since university. It’s no secret we don’t get on. She was his friend and happy with that till he met me and then decided she might have feelings for him etc etc. we were in our 20s then and I was more tolerant when really I should have put her in her place.

They have continued a friendship. Do an activity together and she planned a trip as a belated 40th for him. I wasn’t happy I admit that. Two other friends going too (male).

DP is totally disorganised and I am guilty of not helping in these situations as I felt why should I as wasn’t happy about it. Well of course he lost his passport and on the day had to cancel as realised last minute. She has blamed me and accused me of sabotaging the trip! I’d never do such a thing and even DP has had to say to her to stop being so nasty to me about it .

I can’t lie I’m secretly hoping their falling out is permanent. He still hasn’t found his passport !

He lost his wallet once and found it in a bag of compost weeks later in the garden he’s really that bad with losing things so goodness knows where the passport actually is

Tell him that this is it and you are not going to put up with him having her in his life if she is going to be so nasty about you.

Tell him you have put up with it, and that you have been more forebaring than most other women.

If she addresses you directly? "Fuck off "should suffice

Amen!

We mislaid our passports. Found months later in with solicitors stuff.

ha ha ha

I know it’s easy for me to say this, but honestly and truly, I would not be putting up with that. Who does this woman think she is? Why is your partner spending so much time with a “friend” who obviously doesn’t respect you? No. I don’t care if others think it makes one controlling, it all just seems wrong to me. Absolutely not.

You are extremely laid back to have been tolerant of him having a close friendship with a woman who admitted she has feelings for him. They do a hobby together and she expects you to be ok with him going off on trips with him?

Honestly OP I know you can't stop him being friends with who he wants but I would have been been out of the relationship and leaving them to it if the friendship means that much to him.
How on earth you have put up with their relationship all these years is a mystery to me.

This!

Sorry @passportstealer but your DH is showing zero respect for you by even talking to this woman. (Let alone going away somewhere with her FFS!!! Even if a couple of others are there too.)

She clearly loathes you because she is jealous of you, and bitter that she missed her chance with your DH. Tell him he needs to cut ties with her, or you will be reconsidering whether you want to stay married to him. Him telling her to 'stop being so nasty to you about it' is all well and good, but what he needs to say is 'fuck off Julie. I can see you hate my wife and the feeling is mutual. We're done. Do not contact me again.'

She sounds vile.

Hell would freeze over before I would be even close to accepting my husband going abroad in those circumstances. To me the passport part of this story is a side issue by comparison. And the fact you are now having to put up with accusatory abuse from this woman.....!?! Words absolutely fail me at that point.

It's time for your husband to choose. He can't have a good friend who's got romantic feelings for him and trashing you to him when she can. That's him disrespecting you. She's disrespectful because she's jealous. He can feed his ego with her or have a wife.

You've put up with his bullshit way too long.

Hear, hear!

Yes!!!!

i am another one who thinks that you shouldn’t put up with this situation. Why weren’t you invited on this trip?

She fancies him and is jealous of you.

Why in God's name have you put up with this nonsense?
I trust dh intrinsically. If he had a female friend who had an attitude about me, she would be in the bin in 5 mins.

But where did you hide the passport? 😉

No idea how you have tolerated this, I would have burnt the passport and let him think he had mislaid it. My OH loses everything, blames me at the time then finds it all in bizarre places.

As she’s now being nasty about you he’s seen her true colours so now he can stop being friends with her and focus on his DW.

Exactly I would have burnt it 🤣

Bugger that for a laugh. She should have been binned years ago. My last relationship ended over something similar, you’re a better person than me.

I would definitely question do if he continued to be friends with her after her behaviour towards you.

Come on you can tell us ,where is it?😂

I have to admit although I didn’t take it iam pleased he’s lost it. I’d never tell another adult what they can or can’t do but I didn’t want him to go. He’s seen (finally) the nasty side of her now which I’m also pleased about. I don’t even think she fancies him genuinely I think she just doesn’t like him having me in his life !

I had a boyfriend once who went on holiday with 26 girls, leaving me at home. He'd been invited before we got together but hadn't booked it. I had the same week off work and he decided to spend it with me instead. A week later he announced he'd booked it and was going after all as a 'surprise' for one of the other girls (why?). It was a secret and the 'big reveal' would be at the airport.....

He was genuinely confused when I dumped him on his return. If I had to tell him what was wrong with that, we weren't even in the same book, never mind on the same page.

He asked me if his female friend gang might have been the reason his last girlfriend bailed - erm, yeah I'd say it was a factor.

X 100.

Now what’s the female equivalent of ‘dog in the manger’? Er, let me think….