Sex 3 times a year

[MissVO]

My partner (35) has no interest in being intimate. Its really affecting my self esteem. Ive spoken to him about it and he says he understands and we will get through this but it's been 2 years now. We probably have sex every 4 months when he's in the mood. Ive tried to initiate but get rejected or he can't continue. Ive tried being patient as i know he gets stressed very easily. He also has a personality disorder but is not in therapy or on medication. When I told him it was really affecting me he ended things and then we got back together, things went back to normal for a few months and now its back to no intimacy. Every other part of our relationship is ok but I don't know what else to do. He isn't interested in therapy. I feel like im trying to fix this alone!

Yes. There's a man getting bashed on another thread for daring to talk about almost the same situation. And questioning his hygiene.
I don't know why some mumsnetters ever have relationships, they clearly hate men.

You are wasting your time with him. If you stay, the constant rejection will erode your confidence completely.

I’ve been a reader of mumsnet for probably 10 years. I knew I’d get a (small tbf) element of that in the replies. And I’m definitely far from perfect (other than personal hygiene which is definitely my only exceptional quality haha), so do need to reflect on how I can be a better partner in life to her to see if that helps her energy levels and mental drain etc.

But don’t want to derail. OP as hinted at here I have a similar situation and posted a thread yesterday too. You’ve said he’s great in most other ways and I guess in my situation that’s a huge factor too - my wife is amazing and therefore at the end of the day, as much as I want this to improve and as much as that physical intimacy is a big part in a relationship for me, it isn’t enough to end the relationship. Though we do already have children so that changes the situation a lot.

I guess my advice - after experiencing this for probably 5-6 years now - is make a decision on the way forward on the assumption that he isn’t going to take measures to change it, and it won’t get better. Because it probably won’t. Then you’re making a decision with your eyes open rather than hoping for the best.

I've never wanted kids, I'm in my 40s now and have never had a single issue meeting men who don't want kids. Most aren't bothered and just go along with whatever thewoman wants - i mean just look at how many men walk away from their kids once their relationship ends!

This is very true! My confidence is probably so low im doubting everything

I think you've got to be realistic here and work with what you've got. Which is a two year relationship with next to no sexual element to it, with someone who is unwilling, other than taking some vitamins, to work with you to resolve.

Hoping it's going to get better organically, and going along with his suggestion of believing you'll get through it? I wouldn't put any of my money on either.

I think you need to accept that if you want a romantic intimate physical relationship with someone, this isn't it. If you want a house mate, then maybe it is. I would tell him that you are going to find a therapist to help you work out what to do here, and see someone solo.

You feel like crying all day, that's not a feature of being in a relationship that's "ok". I don't even think that the rest of your relationship is "ok", sex doesn't exist in isolation, it's woven in. I would absolutley move on.