Benefits of never living together

[CrouchEndTiger1]

Say you dont have children and arent going to have any., are there benefits of not living together?

How do you mean?

The benefits are you get to live alone and do what you want. Studies indicate women are happier when they are single than when they are married.

Another benefit is less domestic work. British men are notorious for not doing any domestic work themselves once they live with a woman.

yes - huge benefits. I wish id doen it. my husband is a hoarder and I wish wed lived separately cease I ahd a terribel psychotic breakdwon

Say youre with someone for 3 years and they say they dont see themselves ever wanting to live together. It isnt personal: they wpuld be this way with anyone.

They are introverted and have ocd and want to live alone.

I wasnt bothered about living together until he said he didnt want to. I hadnt even raised it, he did.

Deal breaker for me. If someone doesn't want me in their life then I'm not willing to sit on the sidelines.

I would never live with a partner again. I think being in a LTR and both having your own homes is the perfect scenario for me. You get your time together but also your own space and peace

It wouldn’t be for everyone but it’s definitely getting more common, especially with older people (49+) without shared DC

I'd never live with a man again if something happened to my husband. You get all of the good bits, without the crap that comes with a man. Keeps the relationship fresh and you can go home/send them home when you want some time to yourself.

My boyfriend and I don't have kids together and won't have. No plans to live together in one place - i mean I suppose you could argue that we live together in the sense we rarely spend a night apart, we just live across both houses according to what's more convenient on the day (my place is closer to work, but his is closer to amenities). Works for us

We'd have a better quality of life together. Pool resources to a bigger house and not paying 2 sets of bills. He said that. Again I hadnt thought of it.

I split from my DP of 3 years because he wants to live together and I’d be happy not to. I didn’t say I wouldn’t, but there’s no urgency (2 of my young adult DCs still live at home, and he has 1 teenage DC part time, so I certainly wouldn’t do it now) but have said I’m open to it in a few years. But he didn’t want to wait.

He’s very independent, has always done the cooking and cleaning in his relationships so I don’t worry on that score, but I’m just coming into my independent years, my DCs about to leave home, I have freedom to live, work and relax however and wherever I choose. I don’t want to go from being tied to the DCs to being tied to a man. I’d be more than happy to have 2 homes close by forever, stay over often, have nights apart and a life that isn’t in each others pockets. But he sees that as immature and shallow.

I have a friend who has this arrangement. She and her significant other have been together decades. No kids, and they can afford separate houses, just a few streets from each other.

I am rather envious, if I'm honest.

More money is a benefit to living together - you asked for benefits for living apart.

I think living together for financial reasons isn’t the best reason but it’s horses for courses.

I'd hate to live with anyone again. The benefits of not living together for me are:

• Always having your own space when you need solitude to decompress

• Not having to clean up after anyone else. It's usually the woman who ends up doing more of the domestic labour.

• Knowing that your partner is more likely to be consciously choosing you and the relationship rather than staying out of habit and complacency. It's difficult to disentangle lives if you share a mortgage and finances.

• Knowing that you always have the means to support yourself should a relationship end. Fear of not coping financially kept me in my unhappy marriage far longer than necessary.

• Not getting irritated by the little things a partner does because you are "over-exposed" to their presence. Eating noises is a big one for me.

A lot of people might interpret all that as a lack of commitment, but I'm very committed to my relationship. It brings me a huge amount of joy, but I love that we both have our own space.

I know. Im trying to feel better about it.

You can be in someone’s life without sharing a house. My DP and I moved in together after 20 years. Worked then, and still does.

We've been living apart together for over 15 years

In addition to what PP's have said

It's like dating. We meet up a couple of times a week. Once for coffee and the second time for a meal. Plus we go to shows and gigs and meet friends. There are things to catch up on and talk about

For the rest of the time we can do our own thing.

No arguing about what to watch on the TV 😀

Etc etc

I wouldn't want to live with a man ever again. I currently have teen/preteen DC and definitely wouldn't want to until they're out the house.
If he REALLY wanted to after that, I might consider it if we could still have separate bedrooms, bathrooms, and ideally a living room each too.
I mean I'm currently sitting in my clean and tidy living room, candles on, girly pop on the speakers, I'm on my laptop and there's no man irritating me.
I could invite him over on dates to which he could come over and then leave - sounds blissful. Or I could go to his and then come home to my own peace - equally blissful.

Nail on the head there. I'd rather live with someone in a nicer area, nicer house, etc than both of us living separately in compromised homes. When he dies, then I'd reconsider if and when I had another long term partner, depending on our relative positions, financially, location, adult children who may want to live/stay with us (his or mine). To be honest, If I had a new long term relationship with someone new, and we "could" afford two homes, I'd rather have one in the UK and the other abroad which to me would be far better than having two homes close together in the UK which I'd find a waste of money and unnecessary.

My only problem would be if he had children still living at his "home" or adult children who regularly returned to stay at his home more than the odd night here and there or short breaks etc - if that were the case, I'd not want a "blended" family home and would prefer my own home - I just couldn't feel "at home" in someone else's "home" with their children also living there - it just wouldn't feel comfortable to me.

I have a life long friend who has a long term partner who has a couple of children, one still living at home in her 30's and the other sharing his time between his own flat down South and their family home. She won't live with him, won't even stay over at his house, as she sees it as his daughter's "home" and his son's "occasional home". So he regularly stays over at hers instead. They still go on holidays together 3/4 times per year (without his children of course) and go for weekends away etc. He keeps asking her to marry him, but she won't as she'd only marry if it was just going to be him and her in the marital home and doesn't want to marry and continue living separately. She has no kids of her own (never wanted them) and just doesn't want "someone else's" kids in the house she lives in either. They rub along very well otherwise, but it's just a red line for her. Luckily neither of them are short of money and can afford their own respective homes. And I tend to agree and see it the same way.

My mother is a very tidy person. My step-father is an untidy person. Living together would drive them mad! I suggested that they buy two semi-detached houses, but they like their own houses and live within walking distance of each other.

They also have their own pets, and my mother would not like a dog so big. He probably wouldn't enjoy being harassed by cats on a permanent basis!

DH and I lived in different countries for much of every year for a decade. Worked for us both. It was for my job. We had lived together before that, and we did again once we had DS.

I can think of several committed couples I know who don’t live together. I know a married couple with a teenager who live between France and Ireland and are seldom in the same house together for longer than a few weeks.

Pretty much what we're doing now and I do enjoy it.

We have a very rich social life. I've met all of his family and I am included in all significant family events. His father in particular, is very fond of me and my partner says that is a real compliment.Because his dad is quite grumpy and doesn't like anyone!

We go on dates.We go on holidays together.We've met each other's friends.

I wish he hadn't said anything about living together because I haven't thought about it. You are some abstract concept sometime in the future.But as soon as he said he couldn't do it because he's too introverted, I feel a bit miffed. It's probably just an eject reaction, and i'm annoyed at the matter of factness, with which he said it.

I should have mentioned holidays too

We go on a cruise once a year. Think that definitely proves that we shouldn't live together 😉- two weeks is our limit! We do have a great time but by the end we are happy to get back to our own routines and lives

DP and I lived together for 9 months. I moved out as we couldn’t share a space.

2 years later we are going to do it again. Him moving to mine. But we each have our own bathroom. Share a bed, but have a bedroom each. I am tidy he is not. He is also going to add a garden room as his man cave. Allows my living room to be tidy. We also got a cleaner. He does his own laundry. I mostly cook, but I enjoy it.

we’re lucky we have good jobs to allow all this. We love each other but we both liked space. Dockside together but we have own social lives.

It works for us. I have struggled to live with others. But this works

I think there are many benefits to not living together - having your own space, your independence, your freedom to do what you want and how you want it, in your own home. You can be together when you want and apart when you want. You won't annoy each other with little habits (after 35 years of marriage, it still irritates me that my DH leaves cupboards and drawers hanging open!) You keep the relationship fresh and enjoy the time you spend together. In all honesty, if anything were to happen to DH, I can't see myself ever living with someone again, I love my own space and am happy with my own company!