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Original poster

Ex has new baby - cultural issues - feeling hurt

67 replies

Sanpellegrino1 · 31/01/2026 10:04

reposting for traffic - is it weird to feel my pride / ego / whatever else is hurt by this?
Ex and I broke up during COVID he stated he could not marry me as I was a white British woman and he was from a muslim country and from a traditonal family. He was the love of my life. I spent years pining for him, eventually got over it and now I am married and expecting.
I have since found out he is ‘in a relationship’ on social media with a white British woman and they have had a baby unplanned out of wedlock.
I just feel he must have lied to me about the reasons for tbe breakup and it is has opened up all the scars again. I genuinely thought the next time I knew of him in a relationship would be an arranged marriage with someone from the same culture. I feel really weird about it?
Any advice please

OP posts:
NewYearNewMee · 31/01/2026 10:09

He was the love of your life? Your poor husband now that you’re having a child with! How many years did you spend pining if you broke up during Covid but are now married and expecting?

Honestly I do think you are being a bit strange on this one - you’ve moved on, married, baby on the way. Why would your pride be linked to whatever reason an ex gave you to break up? It might have been true and things have changed for him since, it might have been rubbish and just an easy excuse to give - let it rest, it’s happened and mulling over it won’t do you any good. You broke up and you’ve both moved on, pay it no attention. Moving forward is the best option here, it doesn’t matter what he’s got going on or what he is doing - you need to focus on your real current life.

exhaustDAD · 31/01/2026 10:14

If you are married and expecting - congratulations, by the way - then feeling hurt about it does not really suggest you are truly over it. I don't want to pick on you, but you said you spent years pining over him - after covid. And now you are already married and pregnant. Uhm. Are we sure you were already over him when you jumped into this one? If I was your husband, I would have feelings about this. The normal, civil way to think about an ex having whatever relationship/baby, etc would be: All the best for him, I do not really care or think about it. You sound like you spend time thinking about it, still. Can I ask who the hell cares whether he lied to you or not? As you are having a new life with a different person, married, pregnant?
You ended your message with "any advice please". My advice would be to be honest with yourself and sort your feelings before it causes harm...

HowAmYa · 31/01/2026 10:16

Seems like you never got over him and married someone you don’t really love as much as your ex. I feel sorry for your DH.
Id have seen it and laughed it off, maybe even been glad that he opened his mind…obviously this guy didn’t feel the same about you as he does his new gf.
As pp said it’s bizarre that you said it took years for you to get over and in that small amount of time you’ve gotten married and are expecting. Everything seems a bit rebound and rushed on your side. It’s more important you assess where you are now and concentrate on this lovely life you’ve built that you wouldn’t have had otherwise.

itsthetea · 31/01/2026 10:24

People learn from experiences- and perhaps break up with you made him realise that tradition wasn’t enough for him - he’s not the man he was then - and if he’s having a child but not married that’s not great on his part and really suggests he might still be holding out for a Muslim bride

JillyJoy · 31/01/2026 10:30

Concentrate on the marriage you have.
There is plenty of time for the Ex's situation to come unravelled. He has made no meaningful commitment to her and if he gets a daughter will she be 2nd Class?

mindutopia · 31/01/2026 10:34

Surely, he didn’t lie to you. He said he couldn’t marry you or have a baby with you because you are white British. And then he accidentally got someone else knocked up and is refusing to marry her, and she obviously wouldn’t terminate.

Be grateful you aren’t having a baby with someone who wishes you’d aborted your child because you’re the wrong ethnicity! I’d say you came out on top here.

Batmanisaplaceinturkey · 31/01/2026 10:35

Whether he lied to you or not, it doesn't matter now. You need to seek closure and move on, for the sake of you and your own happiness.

Idontspeakgermansorry · 31/01/2026 10:36

Oof. Poor DH.

He probably just changed his mind about wanting to conform to his upbringing. That happens as people get older. Or he accidentally got her pregnant 🤷‍♀️.

Muchmore · 31/01/2026 10:38

I'd be gutted. I think it's natural to feel the way you are, so don't beat yourself up about it.

In terms of getting over it, indulge yourself in the fact that you've got a lovely life now. You'll never really know what happened with his new partner or why his approach changed and you could torture yourself thinking about it. I wouldn't recommend reaching out and asking either.

Try to remind yourself that you came out on top. Beautiful family, and it's completely his loss.

SirChenjins · 31/01/2026 10:43

Sometimes the fact that you can't have someone makes the relationship feel more intense - more like limerence than a real relationship with its ups and downs. Covid was a crazy time too, everything was heightened, and a lot changed during and afterwards.

For whatever reason, it just didn't work out with you both, and it's ok to feel sad about that - even though you're married and pregnant. It doesn't stop us feeling a 'what if'. Try to focus on the here and now though - you've got a good life with lots to look forward to. I'm not sure I would want to marry into a culture or religion that has such fixed ideas about people outside of it - his new partner will have a lot to deal with, who knows what sort of pressures and difficulties she'll have to face as a result of this. Take a couple of days to adjust to the news, mentally wish them well, and then close that door.

Tonissister · 31/01/2026 10:47

He doesn't sound much of a catch to me. Where are his Muslim values, having a baby out of wedlock with a white woman? I bet she'll regret having a child with a man who thinks she is not good enough because she is the wrong colour and religion.

Focus on your own new family. This is your real life - never as perfect as fantasy lives with other people. But how perfect was he when he was telling you that you would never be enough due to cultural differences?

Build a great real life with your real husband and real child-to-be and stop wasting time and energy on something than never existed.

Dollymylove · 31/01/2026 10:51

You obviously weren't the love of HIS life. If you were, he would have put his religion aside and married you.
Hes a loser. Move on and be happy with what you have

JahanaraBegum · 31/01/2026 10:53

If she got pregnant by accident and then abortion wasn't an option, then that wouldn't mean he lied. I think it is natural to feel a bit how you feel. It doesnt mean you don't love your husband or that you settled. Human emotions are complicated. He doesn't sound that great really- I get the cultural differences but I have no time for men who spend ages with a western women then drop her for an arranged marriage/refuse to marry her. It is so so common though. Give it time, the feelings will subside-- probably stop looking at him on social media too.

Original poster
Sanpellegrino1 · 31/01/2026 10:54

I should reword this for clarity - I thought he was the love of my life and it was the worst breakup, we broke up 2019 so spend the COVID years processing it then met my now husband in 2023 as COVID was lifted - I did meet someone else and I am happy with them

OP posts:
Zebralele · 31/01/2026 10:57

It doesn't sound like he's changed at all really. He is sleeping with a white western woman and won't marry her, presumably that's the same way he treated you? Only difference is she accidentally got pregnant. I doubt he was thrilled about it and I don't imagine she's living the dream either.
Maybe you can try and use this to really see, that was always the best he had to offer. You're luckier by far than his new partner.

calpolandcuddles · 31/01/2026 11:04

I don't think this will help you op but I think you had a lucky escape there. Being trapped in custody wars with cultural elements and another faith thrown in is no picnic, (ask me how I know) there's no guarantee that that is what awaits this new GF and I don't wish it on her at all, I'm just saying in your case, I think that that grass is not only not greener, it's AstroTurf.

I think have some counselling where you can freely vent - even if you've had it before, pregnancy is a hormonal soup and big changes like marriage, babies, etc for you and "the one that got away" so sometimes stir up all kinds of feelings. Use your pregnancy to process and heal before the baby arrives.

Proccy · 31/01/2026 11:26

He lied to you and, quite possibly, had his eye on this other woman. My advice would be delete all connections on social media, email, whatsapp etc and focus 100% on your current life and upcoming baby. There's nothing to be gained by moping over a past only one of you cares about. Make the lives of your husband and future baby as full of love and happiness as you can

Octavia64 · 31/01/2026 11:28

Yeah I don’t think she is in a good situation.

SENmumof22026 · 31/01/2026 11:36

Your poor husband. Get over it, you have a marriage and a kid.

Imgoingtobefree · 31/01/2026 11:48

Unless you can get into his mind and read it, you will never know the true reason. It is confusing that he said he could never marry a white woman, and then goes and has a baby with one - I can see why you want to understand this. Feeling that you were deliberately lied to by someone you once loved is hurtful.

I would suggest writing out all the reasons you can think of why this happened (physically writing it out is more cathartic) - from worst to most benign. Ie. He’s a total lier to becoming the victim of a ‘psycho bitch’ - don’t leave any possibility out. The more possible and impossible scenarios the better (she might have just won the lottery!)

You will then realise this is unknowable (like many things in life) and be able to put it behind you, and enjoy your life with your new partner.

TY78910 · 31/01/2026 11:52

How do you know they are not married and the child is out of wedlock? She may have converted and they may have had a private ceremony. Are you basing this off her being white British?

BillieWiper · 31/01/2026 11:53

I think it just shows his true colours. He couldn't be honest with you and was cowardly, hiding behind religion and culture. He made you feel like you weren't good enough for him for reasons outside of your control. So he wasn't the right man for you.

You must just forget him. Just see him as a liar and you had a lucky escape.

And maybe it's true he does deep down not fully agree with westernised ways, so that means his current relationship is unlikely to last. But either way he's gone now.

Concentrate on your loving husband and new child.

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/01/2026 12:04

I think that often when people say “I don’t want marriage” or “I don’t want a baby” what they often mean is “I don’t want those things with you, because this relationship just doesn’t feel quite right”, because the former is easier for them than the latter.

And it’s fine to feel a bit upset about that if you on the other hand felt that it was the best relationship you’d ever had and he were your soulmate; but also to acknowledge that he didn’t have to be lying, and that stringing you along with false hopes that he might want those things with you at some stage would have been infinitely worse.

Relationships often don’t last forever, and that’s okay. You’ve met somebody who did want marriage and children with you and are happy, Your ex may have done some introspection and concluded that letting his family dictate what his life should look like wasn’t what he wanted any more. Who knows.

sesquipedalian · 31/01/2026 12:11

“I have since found out he is ‘in a relationship’ on social media”
”I did meet someone else and I am happy with them”

So why are you stalking your ex, when you broke up with him six years ago? What he does in his life is no concern of yours - you should be concentrating on your DH, your pregnancy and the family you are building together. I feel sorry for your DH - you need to move on, OP.

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 31/01/2026 12:12

Sorry Op, men of stricter cultures often use the ‘traditional family’ excuse to use women. But it’s also most likely that she got pregnant by mistake and it was then too late and he had to come clean with it all. He still hasn’t married her though which is sad for their child as it means, in his own religion, that he doesn’t claim the child as his own legally or financially.