Marriage, he doesn't try but doesn't let me go. But I am too weak to leave.

[weddinglovepure]

My boyfriend whom I know from last 1.5 years, we both have decided to get married. Exciting, right?

Not really because his parents are conservative and let's say they've certain constraints when it comes to choosing a family for their son.

Completely orthodox.

My boyfriend says he'll try (he tried once) convincing his parents because he would not get married without their blessings.

But he keeps delaying it.

And lately, he has been withdrawing communication, not initiating and doesn't make plans.

I've confronted multiple times but he just give reassurance that he'll try.

What's going on? Am I setting up myself for another heartbreak?

Walk away. 💐

It's never going to happen. His parents won't let him marry you, and it would be a disaster anyway.

Even if you did get married you would likely be subjected to a lifetime of nonsense from them, which would only get worse if you had children I am sure. If he can't stand up to them now then he never will I'm sorry to say. Walk away.

He doesn’t want to marry you, time to walk away

What his he doing to stop you from leaving him?

So why do you want to marry a man who is so influenced by his parents? Where is the love , passion, excitement and commitment? Sounds like he’s a complete wet lettuce and you are just hanging on just in case.

Just walk away. He's not that into you. If he was he would marry you with or without their blessings.

Do you want to marry a man who is so totally obedient to his parents' wishes?

If he wanted to marry you he would. I'm sorry, but walk away.

Words are cheap OP. Look at actions or the lack of, rather than words he utters.

You need to walk away before you become ever more hurt and or disillusioned by him. He is not into you and is more into following his parents' wishes.

Never ever tie yourself to someone whose family has such a hold over them. Religion or whatever other reason, it's not worth it. It just invites all sort of headache and heartbreak into your life. If the relationship is healthy, your potential husband needs to form a strong partnership with you, you should be a unit, you know, to be romantic about it - you and him against the world... Not you and him - as long as mummy approves, or whichever god if it's about religion.
Walk away, before it gives you more headache... This "man" sounds like a boy, putting things off, like a schoolboy, getting permission to be with you. Wish him all the best for all his future endeavours...

You say orthodox - are they jewish? I would be very wary of marrying someone from any orthodox religion if i wasnt also that way inclined.

Can you imagine yourself in five years, married to this weak-willed avoidant man, with a couple of young children and those people as your in-laws? They would make your life a total misery, interfere and try to control everything around your children and your home, and you would struggle to put any boundaries in place or carve out any space to be yourself, because your husband would back them every time. He would expect you and your children to bend to their nonsense and make yourselves smaller just for an easy life for himself.

You don’t need his permission to end it. Throw him back and find one with a functioning spine.

Good grief, don't marry into that shitshow.

You are not weak, pull up your knick knacks and walk away from this mess.
You have agency here use it.

So whenever I begin a conversation about how it's not working out or we should stop it, he doesn't let me. He'll ask for more time & say I am trying.

Okay, hard pill to swallow.

I understand. Thanks for sharing.

Sounds like you're asking him to agree with the break up. You can't make him do that and you don't need to. Your own decision is the only one you need.

Lack of words, lately. So no action no words. Thank you for your advice.

Leave.

I really wish I had a spine to make the decision quickly. I'll try. But this hits hard, thanks for the eye opener.

That's so true. I never had such a unit nor believed I could. Maybe that's why I lack a spine to walk away. But thanks for the reality check.

Maybe just give him a timescale to tell them. It has to be telling them, not asking or trying to negotiate and he also needs to be clear that if you get married,he is on your side if they try and interfere.
My DH was forbidden from marrying me. We got married. His DM was furious and disinherited him and said he was dead to them. We had NC for 10 years ( their choice) and then slowly built bridges again but on our terms. They have now both died and he remained disinherited but we lived in freedom from their control and his siblings had much harder lives and suffered emotionally as a result.
If he cannot TELL them rather than ask them, it will be an ongoing issue in your marriage, with them being over involved in decisions.

Just leave. Do you live together? Make your plans and tell him what's happening. He can always move in with his parents. Pack his stuff or pack yours. Go.

Exactly. The only person who needs to ‘agree’ to the breakup is you. Walk away. Do you really think this is the best you can do?