Marriage, he doesn't try but doesn't let me go. But I am too weak to leave.

[weddinglovepure]

My boyfriend whom I know from last 1.5 years, we both have decided to get married. Exciting, right?

Not really because his parents are conservative and let's say they've certain constraints when it comes to choosing a family for their son.

Completely orthodox.

My boyfriend says he'll try (he tried once) convincing his parents because he would not get married without their blessings.

But he keeps delaying it.

And lately, he has been withdrawing communication, not initiating and doesn't make plans.

I've confronted multiple times but he just give reassurance that he'll try.

What's going on? Am I setting up myself for another heartbreak?

I married someone from a particular strong faith tradition. There was never any doubt that we were getting married with or without their approval. We begrudgingly got their approval in the end (although MIL continued to be difficult for years). But it never felt like it was going to make or break us because I was clearly and completely the priority for my now DH. His parents basically agreed because they knew if they didn’t the only thing it would change is whether they had a relationship with their son!

He needs to choose you and mean it

You need to stop having a conversation and just do it.

Are you living together?

He says he "needs time" . What does he need it for? How has he used the time youve already given him, how will he use the next bit of time? Is there any sign the time is any use to either of you here?

I thought not. He isn't using the time at all is he?. He's just using you.

All he wants the time for is to enjoy your warm body while doing absolutely nothing to bring marriage closer. Because bringing marriage to you closer doesn't seem to be something he particularly wants to fight for.

Sorry.

Promises without change are just manipulation.

None of us know what is going on in his head. it is clear that Marrying you would cause a major and maybe irreparable rift in his family. If you have not lived in close communities like this, it can be hard to understand the impact.

Whatever his thoughts and feelings for you ( maybe he really cares for you and would have married you in a different life. Or maybe you are the woman he has sex with before marrying his virgin orthodox bride) it’s pretty clear that he is not prepared to risk ostracisation or rift in his family and community to marry you.

Don’t waste your time on this one.

Yes walk away. It will never change the narrative - this is turning into a fallacy of sunken costs - you put more time and effort in which you will regret. Hoping it will happen won’t make it.

if you need to be brutal then that doesn’t make you a bad person.

He is stringing you along and relying on you not leaving him because of some words he can easily say and not mean. Why would you want to marry someone like this? At what point did you think "Oooo, here's this man who doesn't want to marry me enough to talk to his family about it. THIS is the one I'll marry!"

If that doesn't help, then try and imagine what planning a wedding with this wet wipe and his family will be like. They will interfere in everything, try and dictate everything. They will oppose you about everything, often just for the sake of it.

Exciting, right?
No.

Are you willing to have his parents metaphorically share your bed for the rest of your life?

Walk away now. It will be far less painful in the long run.

He knows that he will never marry you and sounds as though he is using you.
Get rid asap.

I think he likes the idea of you, just he’s not prepared to put his money where his mouth is.

I would walk away. He’s clearly putting his parents above you. His parents don’t want him to marry you otherwise he’d be setting wedding dates already.

He’s just too cowardly to admit to you that he can’t marry you and he has to obey his parents or else.

By asking for more time he’s just fobbing you off with nonsense and wasting your time.

This is a common problem with religious families. They only want kids to marry the same religion.

Different religions are just seen as fun-time people, not who you marry, which is probably what his parents told him.

THIS. Get away, OP. You'll have a lifetime of regret if you don't.

He doesn't have to "let" you go or agree with you. State your decision and do not go back on it. Every time you do, it gives him increased confidence that he can treat you like shit with no consequences. That has to end.

He says that he'll stand up against his parents, but doesn't. You say that it's not working out, but stay. Both of you are saying things but then not following through with actions.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you want your future to be different to your present then you need to make the change.

Are you sure you even want to be married to a weakling who only does what his parents approve of?

Why would these not want marriage this is weird. Most conservatives would want their kids to be married. I say get the blessing of marriage without them. They will come around in time. The time is right.