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Original poster

Anyone else’s partners a little bit jealous of them since baby has come?

39 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 28/01/2026 11:15

I know it’s common for mothers to start resenting their partners after having a baby but anyone else dealing with the dad resenting them ?

I feel like my husband is a little bit jealous that I get to stay home with the baby for a year. He seems to think that maternity leave is a holiday and feels like I have a close connection with the baby that he doesn’t get to have. He’s self employed so couldn’t realistically take long stretches of time away from work.

This has transpired into him trying to stop me from breastfeeding, saying that I need to express so he can also feed. Hes even gone to the extend to try and get people to persuade me, with one older friend of the family saying I have an unhealthy relationship with my DD and that I need to express and use formula.

My husband also doesn’t like when I take baths with my baby (now she’s standing up and crawling she hates bath time and tends to only stay in the water if I’m in there with her plus it’s fun splash time and we play games.

He’s tried giving me a list of house tasks that he expects to be done by the time he’s home which depending on my baby’s mood can be impossible to get through.

I can see that it’s hard for him when our DD reaches out to me for comfort after a while when she’s with him.

He is very hands on when he’s home and does a lot to keep the household running but there is this slight sometimes more apparent atmosphere of resentment in the home.

OP posts:
Clefable · 28/01/2026 11:20

Oh dear. He sounds very controlling. I don’t really accept that a grown man would happily try to sabotage his own baby’s relationship with their mother/his wife because he feels envious of maternity leave. This sounds quite worrying behaviour to me and it sounds like it is escalating.

DierdreBarlow · 28/01/2026 11:22

Think about what you want your future to look like, OP. As with some men, your DH is jealous of the attention you're giving his child because it is taking DH from centre stage. Pathetic. In my experience, men like this don't change.

Idontspeakgermansorry · 28/01/2026 11:24

Very clear LTB here. I can't imagine my reaction, if my husband tried to give me a list of chores he "expected" me to complete before he's home.

And the pressuring you to stop breastfeeding is just awful.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/01/2026 11:25

He is no longer number 1 and he does not like it at all.

I would think long and hard about your future within this marriage. Such men do indeed escalate such behaviour and he’s not a great dad to his child if you (and in turn she) are being treated like this.

Jellybunny56 · 28/01/2026 11:26

I think this is probably quite common, I can imagine it must be quite hard for dad’s to head back off to work so soon after a baby arrives and only getting a few hours a day with them, it’s something lots of mum’s struggle with when returning to work after maternity leave so it makes sense that some dad’s will also struggle.

I do also think it must be hard for dad’s when baby reaches for mum, we have 2 under 2 and I know my husband finds it quite frustrating when he spends 10 minutes trying to rock/soothe one of our kids and yet within seconds of passing them to me they are instantly asleep/calm- he’s not doing anything wrong, he’s a brilliant dad, sometimes they just need mum and we laugh about it! It is just a phase and I know they will go through phases of daddy being the favourite soon!

You need to have a chat together about these things, is there maybe an aspect of him thinking the grass is greener? Has he ever tried looking after the baby alone all day? If not, that’s a good idea to try if baby will take a bottle & expressed milk. Let him see what the reality of having sole care of a child all day is like, even for one day, he may swiftly change his mind!

Incalescent · 28/01/2026 11:28

No, I think this is just your husband.

KatsPJs · 28/01/2026 11:28

Your partner is controlling and abusive OP. He is thinking about what is best for him only-not what is best for you or your child. He is trying to manipulate you and using other family members to manipulate you too. And him giving you lists of tasks is outrageous - when did he become your boss? This will only get worse.

BernardButlersBra · 28/01/2026 11:32

No. I would quite great delight in ignoring the lists. He sounds like a controlling prick.

OuchAndAbout · 28/01/2026 11:37

Common for some men to feel a bit jealous of the attention that mum is giving baby? Common for some men to think that maternity leave is a fucking holiday? Yes, though I judge those men hard.

Yours doesn't sound like it's "only" that though, He sounds awful.

Nearly50omg · 28/01/2026 11:38

Abuse often starts in pregnancy and them b not being number 1 and jealous is a major red flag!!

Endofyear · 28/01/2026 12:09

I think my DH would have loved to have stayed home when ours were tiny babies - he absolutely fell head over heels in love with them and was a brilliant dad to our newborns. But he would never have tried to stop me breastfeeding and he certainly wouldn't have given me a list of chores to do during the day (and I'd have laughed in his face if he had!)

So while I think it's natural for a dad to feel sad that he doesn't get to spend as much time with his baby as he would like, some of the behaviour you're describing sound controlling and nothing to do with the baby. Don't let him badger you to stop feeding - expressing is a chore that you don't need if breastfeeding is going well. There's lots of other things he can do, such as playing, bathtime, bedtime and solid feeding when the time comes.

Maray1967 · 28/01/2026 13:38

I didn’t bf but why on earth would you stop if it’s going well? Makes no sense at all.

As for the list of chores - seriously? Give him
one back. Fill up his entire weekend with a schedule of household jobs and DIY.

Knitterofcrap · 28/01/2026 13:41

This is not normal or acceptable.

RealEagle · 28/01/2026 13:51

Tell him to shove his list of chores up his arse .

Whowhenwhat · 28/01/2026 13:52

Jellybunny56 · 28/01/2026 11:26

I think this is probably quite common, I can imagine it must be quite hard for dad’s to head back off to work so soon after a baby arrives and only getting a few hours a day with them, it’s something lots of mum’s struggle with when returning to work after maternity leave so it makes sense that some dad’s will also struggle.

I do also think it must be hard for dad’s when baby reaches for mum, we have 2 under 2 and I know my husband finds it quite frustrating when he spends 10 minutes trying to rock/soothe one of our kids and yet within seconds of passing them to me they are instantly asleep/calm- he’s not doing anything wrong, he’s a brilliant dad, sometimes they just need mum and we laugh about it! It is just a phase and I know they will go through phases of daddy being the favourite soon!

You need to have a chat together about these things, is there maybe an aspect of him thinking the grass is greener? Has he ever tried looking after the baby alone all day? If not, that’s a good idea to try if baby will take a bottle & expressed milk. Let him see what the reality of having sole care of a child all day is like, even for one day, he may swiftly change his mind!

What on earth?? No it's not common at all, decent, sane, responsible men are grateful for everything the wife is doing for their for their joint child and are happy to support as needed. There are lots that fathers can do to bond with their babies that doesn't involve trying to force the mother to give up breastfeeding.

@GoldenGirl85 He is not a good man, he sounds extremely jealous and controlling, which can be abusive traits

Whowhenwhat · 28/01/2026 13:52

Jellybunny56 · 28/01/2026 11:26

I think this is probably quite common, I can imagine it must be quite hard for dad’s to head back off to work so soon after a baby arrives and only getting a few hours a day with them, it’s something lots of mum’s struggle with when returning to work after maternity leave so it makes sense that some dad’s will also struggle.

I do also think it must be hard for dad’s when baby reaches for mum, we have 2 under 2 and I know my husband finds it quite frustrating when he spends 10 minutes trying to rock/soothe one of our kids and yet within seconds of passing them to me they are instantly asleep/calm- he’s not doing anything wrong, he’s a brilliant dad, sometimes they just need mum and we laugh about it! It is just a phase and I know they will go through phases of daddy being the favourite soon!

You need to have a chat together about these things, is there maybe an aspect of him thinking the grass is greener? Has he ever tried looking after the baby alone all day? If not, that’s a good idea to try if baby will take a bottle & expressed milk. Let him see what the reality of having sole care of a child all day is like, even for one day, he may swiftly change his mind!

What on earth?? No it's not common at all, decent, sane, responsible men are grateful for everything the wife is doing for their for their joint child and are happy to support as needed. There are lots that fathers can do to bond with their babies that doesn't involve trying to force the mother to give up breastfeeding.

@GoldenGirl85 He is not a good man, he sounds extremely jealous and controlling, which can be abusive traits

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 28/01/2026 14:04

What a wanker, trying to come between a mother and breastfeeding baby.

outerspacepotato · 28/01/2026 19:02

He's extremely controlling.

He thinks you're his appliance. He's so batshit controlling he's trying to interfere with your baby's nutrition. That's not in your baby's best interests. Who made him a pediatric nutritional expert? WHO recommends breast feeding for 6 months then continuing for 2 years while you introduce solids and regular food.

He thinks you're an appliance and a low level employee, giving you a list of things that you're to do before he brings his manly self home. He's very disrespectful of what you're doing.

Be careful.

I have never seen a dad try to interfere with breastfeeding and I worked NICU for nearly 20 years. Most dads try to help the mom by getting her fluids and things that make her comfortable. That's the norm.

mcmuffin22 · 28/01/2026 19:10

Strange little jealous man.

CousinBette · 28/01/2026 19:11

Jellybunny56 · 28/01/2026 11:26

I think this is probably quite common, I can imagine it must be quite hard for dad’s to head back off to work so soon after a baby arrives and only getting a few hours a day with them, it’s something lots of mum’s struggle with when returning to work after maternity leave so it makes sense that some dad’s will also struggle.

I do also think it must be hard for dad’s when baby reaches for mum, we have 2 under 2 and I know my husband finds it quite frustrating when he spends 10 minutes trying to rock/soothe one of our kids and yet within seconds of passing them to me they are instantly asleep/calm- he’s not doing anything wrong, he’s a brilliant dad, sometimes they just need mum and we laugh about it! It is just a phase and I know they will go through phases of daddy being the favourite soon!

You need to have a chat together about these things, is there maybe an aspect of him thinking the grass is greener? Has he ever tried looking after the baby alone all day? If not, that’s a good idea to try if baby will take a bottle & expressed milk. Let him see what the reality of having sole care of a child all day is like, even for one day, he may swiftly change his mind!

He doesn’t sound like a ‘brilliant dad’ at all. He sounds like a prick. What’s wrong with you?

hiyacloudsandstars · 28/01/2026 19:15

No. This is not normal in the slightest. Obviously life changes and so does the relationship but not like this.

My DH does everything to encourage me to bf as he thinks its best for baby, same with me being at home. Of course hes sad he works all day but he encourages and fosters the relationship I have with our DC as their mother. His sees his role as a different one as dad, which it is. Our DC adore him but they definitely come to me when theyre sad or need comfort, same as they'd rather play with him. This is strange behaviour your Dh is exhibiting!

Maddyisaqueen · 28/01/2026 19:16

OP i think your frightened to admit what you see as per your title which minimises the issues that people have outlined here

Jonianee83 · 28/01/2026 21:08

Self centred, entitled, controlling and has no respect. I will never forget the day my ex said to me, when I had 2 month old and a challenging 3 year old, ‘but… what do you do ALL day’ as if I was skipping the light fantastic and kicking back, living my best life… I felt my soul seep into the ground. He’d previously said and done things that, objectively, may seem much worse. However, that comment finished me. The realisation that he held absolutely no regard, appreciation or respect for me, as a mother or a human being, finally hit me. I left him 2 months later. It was the hardest and the best thing I’ve ever done. How dare this man dictate to you about breastfeeding your child! Makes my blood boil. Please advocate for you and your DD. He should supporting you not undermining you.

sprigatito · 28/01/2026 21:11

Who the fuck does this jackass think he is?! How dare he demand that you disrupt the breastfeeding relationship for his benefit? And if he left me a “list of house tasks” he’d find himself eating it.

LTB. Honestly. It won’t get better. You can’t rehabilitate a spoilt, arrogant manbaby.

outerspacepotato · 28/01/2026 22:25

Hes even gone to the extend to try and get people to persuade me, with one older friend of the family saying I have an unhealthy relationship with my DD and that I need to express and use formula.

He's bringing in an older person who is ignorant about current baby nutrition to gaslight you into doing what he wants. They're telling you it's unhealthy for a mother to breast feed their baby, the fuck is wrong with them?

You need to gather your support system close because your husband is using abuse tactics against you to get his way. Let your family or close friends know what he's doing. Tell your doctor or pediatrician about this. That's how out of line he is.