Anyone else’s partners a little bit jealous of them since baby has come?

[GoldenGirl85]

I know it’s common for mothers to start resenting their partners after having a baby but anyone else dealing with the dad resenting them ?

I feel like my husband is a little bit jealous that I get to stay home with the baby for a year. He seems to think that maternity leave is a holiday and feels like I have a close connection with the baby that he doesn’t get to have. He’s self employed so couldn’t realistically take long stretches of time away from work.

This has transpired into him trying to stop me from breastfeeding, saying that I need to express so he can also feed. Hes even gone to the extend to try and get people to persuade me, with one older friend of the family saying I have an unhealthy relationship with my DD and that I need to express and use formula.

My husband also doesn’t like when I take baths with my baby (now she’s standing up and crawling she hates bath time and tends to only stay in the water if I’m in there with her plus it’s fun splash time and we play games.

He’s tried giving me a list of house tasks that he expects to be done by the time he’s home which depending on my baby’s mood can be impossible to get through.

I can see that it’s hard for him when our DD reaches out to me for comfort after a while when she’s with him.

He is very hands on when he’s home and does a lot to keep the household running but there is this slight sometimes more apparent atmosphere of resentment in the home.

Think of it if it was the other way round though. You had to go to a boring job every day and he was at home looking after your lovely baby.

op is hardly doing a fun hobby now is she? She's keeping a tiny human being alive. Her dh can have evenings and weekends with the baby without being a controlling and nasty bully to his wife. Him treating her like this is actually bad for the baby he's so desperate to bond with. A man bullying a woman abuses her children by extension. So his behaviour means he doesn't care about their child either, he's making this all about himself.

I had a H like this. It did not get better. One time he described me as ‘sitting on my arse all day’ when I had a broken leg!
He is now an XH. Best decision I ever made.
Think very carefully about this future. If he expects you to get all this done on mat leave, what’s he going to expected when you go back to work?!

Abusive and controlling men often don’t show their true colours until you’ve had a baby and they think you’re now stuck.

you know this behaviour is not ok. It probably won’t improve either. Is this how you want to live? Tiptoeing around a husband determined to control the relationship you’re allowed to have with your child?

Occasionally I read a post on MN and think WTAF? And this is one of them.

He is so way out of line, you need some real life support from a close friend or family before this really escalates. As PPs have said, abuse often starts in pregnancy/motherhood.

Some people have low standards as this is not normal. It’s nasty, controlling and a sign of future crap to come from this twat.

He's abusive. It will only get worse

“He’s tried giving me a list of house tasks that he expects to be done by the time he’s home”

I was open-mouthed at the notion that any father would try to stop their DW from breastfeeding - can he not read? Does he not know how much better it is for your DC? As for enlisting the aid of someone else to back him up, tell him to do one. But trying to “organise” your day when he’s not there - the man’s insane. Clearly he has no idea of what looking after a baby entails. I know it can be hard for some dads, when the DB wants mum and mum only - I was bathing my DGC and he put his arms out for his father when he came in, who said, “Welcome to my world - as soon as DM comes in, I shall be cast aside because he just wants mama” - but he was laughing about it, not being possessive. Your DH sounds frankly deranged - he should be pleased your DC has a close relationship with you - it would be very worrying if they didn’t. You are going to have to be careful, OP, because this does seem indicative of very unreasonable and controlling behaviour.

This is extremely concerning. Sometimes men don't show how controlling they are until baby is born. Please talk to someone irl like your PHN ♥️

He is a nasty little cunt.

You’re going to need to leave, if not now then at some point. This will not get better and is ticking every box for how and when abuse really starts.

Hello dear. Please start a diary noting down when he has intervened during the moments you are caring for your DD. For example trying to divert your attention away during key tasks like bathing, dressing or feeding. His interventions might be that he is 'innocently' asking for your help with something. It might be that he goes into a full on rage about something that has gone wrong in the house. If there is a pattern of him doing these things while you are literally putting food in your DD's mouth or other key tasks, it is proof that he does not care about the well-being of your daughter and even less your well-being.

He has written a 'job description' for you regarding tasks in the house that you haven't agreed to. Be kind but tell him you are sorry that you simply can't sign up for the job description. Your relationship will only work if he accepts what you are capable of. You need to calmly repeat that every time he gets angry at you about tasks in the house. Do not feel bad about being inadequate, you are not.

I'm sending you a hug and I am sure you and your DD will continue to have the most beautiful relationship.

Note I also read on MumsNet about how these relationships can develop later on. It can really kick off during the teenage years. Jealous husband agressive with his older children, blaming his DW for never having disciplined them enough - again another job description he has given her.

Are you off your head?

Can't finish the list of tasks he gave you? If you and baby are washed, dressed and fed, list complete. If you are not able to tell him he will not leave you to do lists, only one more word to be said to him. GOODBYE