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Original poster

Dilema - husband job

43 replies

Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 14:18

Hi all,

My husband is set to 'make it big' financially at work but it would involve him travelling a lot and a possible temporary relocation. I was just about to get back to the workforce and secured a decent role after being out a few years. Not sure what to do as the money seems too good to turn down however very worried about my own career and juggling everything for whole family in his absence. Can anyone advise what they've done here or any advice? Understand it sounds like a first world problem, just thinking of long term repercussions.

OP posts:
ItsOnlyHobnobs · 27/01/2026 14:22

What does a temporary relocation actually look like? Have you considered him staying in the new work location and commuting weekly?

How long have you been out of work?

Id be looking at how you make this work for both of you. Don’t walk away from your career opportunity as the default option, if his new role comes with an increased salary then leverage the additional pay to make your life easier in the next few years with cleaner, paid childcare etc.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/01/2026 14:24

More info needed

What salaries?
What industry? Tech is crazy unstable for example.
Which country would you potentially move to?

What do you do currently?
Would you consider retraining?

Original poster
Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 14:33

Im out of work for 6 years and extremely lucky enough to be offered a higher salaried role I was on previously after searching for a long time. Main concern is that I'd have to take on everything at home solo and won't be able for the job. So many unexpected thing have come up in the last few months that have made me wonder how it would be possible. Equally Im sick of being the default for everything and feel Ive lost myself a bit. Husbands salary would be 10x what I earn so I also feel a bit ridiculous and like I cant talk to anyone about this.

OP posts:
woolflower · 27/01/2026 14:37

Assuming you have younger children.

Personal experience is, even if your DH is the loveliest person, it will be near impossible for you to juggle a career and will end in resentment.

Majority of the family load falls on me as his job is more important (we’re more dependent on it to pay bills). My career has taken a huge hit, while I watch him excel at a higher level, I’m stagnating and now aware I’ll never achieve what I wanted to with my career.

CookingFatCat · 27/01/2026 14:38

Has he taken the job without discussing with you? I hope not.
How will he be an active husband and father with his ‘big Job’ ? Working away, how often?
Will a housekeeper and nanny be employed ?
Some serious discussions required.

Swaytheboat · 27/01/2026 14:40

At ten times your salary it would be a no brainer for me, assuming the relocation was temporary or you could join him. You haven't started rebuilding your career yet, so I'd pause for now. This feels like the better team move to me. Assuming you and your husband have a strong relationship of course.

BrieAndChilli · 27/01/2026 14:41

Would the increase in salary enable you to 'buy in' help

eg cleaner
gardener
nanny

Whilst most of the mental load would still fall to you, having some of the practical jobs taken care of would ease the burden?

How long would the temporary relocation be? Would he be able to come home enough to give you some downtime?

CookingFatCat · 27/01/2026 14:43

@woolflower Similar here, finding it increasingly difficult to get back on the ladder and feel I left it too late.

It’s your time now surely, it’s not all about the money.

Soonenough · 27/01/2026 14:48

You can do both . It's important for any women in these times to be financially independent. I was a SAHM to enable his career but ended up having no options when I wanted to leave him .
The good thing is that on a domestic front if you are both earning well is to throw money at it . Maybe a nanny/ housekeeper role or cleaners , food delivery, laundry service , etc. It won't be forever but it will ease your path back into the workforce .
By relocation do they mean long haul ? If in Europe, he could commute , many do especially at that level. Or you might choose to accompany him and all that entails for you and kids .
Take the job being offered now . You can work on the dynamics as they become clearer.

Goldfsh · 27/01/2026 14:49

CookingFatCat · 27/01/2026 14:43

@woolflower Similar here, finding it increasingly difficult to get back on the ladder and feel I left it too late.

It’s your time now surely, it’s not all about the money.

I agree with this... your window for opportunity might be a very small one. I left it too late and missed opportunities which I now bitterly regret, particularly as I am divorced from DC father (whose career I supported and who went on earning a lot).

If you are 1000% sure that you will stay together forever, and 100% sure you are happy with the decision for you to take a back seat, then maybe it would be okay. But if not, think very carefully.

whattheysay · 27/01/2026 14:50

We were in the same position about 15 years ago. Dh had the opportunity to work away for a lot of money so he took it and I stayed and looked after the dc and everything else. I did work but it got too much for me so I left my job. Dh earned 10x what I did so we prioritised his job. Obviously it left me vulnerable but it worked out and we’re still together enjoying the money and the freedom that allows us.
I would like to work now the dc are grown up but unfortunately as I’ve not been in employment for a long time it’s difficult.
However I don’t regret it it enabled us to do many amazing things and also for me to be available for the dc which was important to me.
Relocating to where his job is wasn’t an option for me as the dc were in school and I didn’t want to uproot them. So he flies back and forth

Original poster
Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 14:51

Yes I could afford to outsource a lot. I know I'm very lucky I could do that as I'm aware many single mums struggle through doing everything without extra support. Whether he worked away or we went we'd probably still travel a lot as a family which would probably be on me again to facilitate. I also can't see myself getting another opportunity work wise like this again. Not sure if us living apart increases chances of divorce or me becoming resentful for missing my own work opportunities..

OP posts:
Original poster
Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 14:52

Thank you all for sharing experiences. Giving me food for thought

OP posts:
coconuttyz · 27/01/2026 14:53

OP, my DH gave up a job like that - honestly money isn’t everything when one of you is left carrying the entire house, Children and as well as having their own career. Our relationship was left in tatters and it took some work to pull it back together after!

wafflesmgee · 27/01/2026 14:54

Listen to Michelle Obama. You(as a family) can do everything. But not at the same time. You are right to be cautious, how old are your children and how many do you have? Eg if they r school age and school does wraparound care clubs then go for it, if they r older and not in private would they have to sacrifice extra curricular activities for this? Have a very clear boundary conversation with your husband, and personallly id go for it then reassess six months in so at least you have it in your CV

Original poster
Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 14:57

@coconuttyz Fully agree money isn't everything and relationships more important. Also very difficult to discuss with other as soon as they understand more about the money, they can't understand any reluctance. Glad you guys came through.

OP posts:
Original poster
Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 14:59

@wafflesmgee Yes she has a very real take on relationships and can only imagine what she and others in her shoes take on/sacrifice

OP posts:
VillaOfReducedCircumstances · 27/01/2026 15:00

If there’s that much £ sloshing around, I’d go for it, and just outsource as much as needed 🙂. Sounds great.

coconuttyz · 27/01/2026 15:00

For us, we decided what was the point in having loads of money if we were never together to spend it! Absolutely the best thing for our relationship, we would never have survived otherwise. Can you speak to DH about your concerns?

Original poster
Funinthesun212 · 27/01/2026 15:03

We have numerous times @coconuttyz and aren't getting far. He doesn't want to turn it down which I understand so I feel as though it's on me to figure out the rest

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 27/01/2026 15:04

Where is he going?

would u be here and him in the uae for example? Or u in wales and him a few hours away in London

it matters because he would be home at weekends

how long would he be based elsewhere?

can he not wfh some of the time

mindutopia · 27/01/2026 15:08

At 10x your salary, yes, it seems really sensible he should take that job. You should also pursue your career as planned. Now you have the money collectively (him contributing significantly more, 10x your contributions) to make life easier for yourselves. Pay for wraparound care and after school activities that kids can get straight to after school or drop off by childminder. Buy really good quality easy meals for the weeknights when you are both busy with work. Pay for school lunches. Stock the house up with healthy convenience foods so you can grab and go but not eat junk. Get a cleaner. When he’s back on weekends, he’s doing the bulk of the parenting so you get time to yourself and to pursue your own interests. It’s absolutely doable, especially when you have the money to make life easier.

Zanatdy · 27/01/2026 15:08

Both and get a nanny / help at home, you will be able to afford it.

Truetoself · 27/01/2026 15:09

restart your career and use some of his extra money to buy in some help to make life manageable when he is away. Also interested to know what temporary relocation looks like

woolflower · 27/01/2026 15:15

CookingFatCat · 27/01/2026 14:43

@woolflower Similar here, finding it increasingly difficult to get back on the ladder and feel I left it too late.

It’s your time now surely, it’s not all about the money.

It’s not all about the money, but you do adapt your lifestyle to the money that’s available to you.

The one piece of advice I’d give in this scenario is to not commit the extra money to anything (like we did). A large mortgage
and school fees are two things that now tie us to having his higher salary—we can’t afford for him to loose his job, so he has to show face and go above and beyond while I pick up the slack.

All decisions we made together, so not anything I was forced into. I didn’t realise the reality of it and how it’d negatively impact our relationship.