No kissing.

[LA1988]

I have been on 3 amazing dates with a guy. Hes not my usual type & thats a good thing because my usual type always ends in heartbreak. He makes me laugh, we have great banter & get along really well BUT after 3 dates he still hadnt kissed me so today after another great date (number 4) I moved in for a kiss when he was hugging me tightly and he moved away to avoid it. I asked him if there was an issue with us kissing & he replied with he doesn't kiss unless hes in a relationship with someone. When I asked why he said its because people spread germs etc & hes prone to coughs & colds. He then went on to say single mums are the worst because their children always get ill. I was slightly offended because he knew I was a single parent but also explained because im a qualified nurse that colds etc are viral so even hugging me or me touching a door handle can spread viruses & he just shrugged and said thats just the way i am. I then asked when it comes to being physical with a woman (even if he isnt in a relationship with them) does he not kiss them leading up to the actual deed & he again said no he doesnt. He then hugged me again & left. The reason im asking for advice is because kissing is a big thing for me. Even if a date has gone bad I allow at least a kiss on the cheek but kissing when being physical with someone is a big part for me. Am I over thinking this? What is your advice in this situation?

Abandon him.
He sounds like a flake to me.

It sounds strange - how would he move from nothing to being in a relationship without doing any kissing?

Also - if he is like this about supposed germs now, that probably won’t change?

I’d say he either doesn’t fancy you, thinks you have bad breath (sorry), is avoiding intimacy for some reason (repressed or in a relationship), or is going to be an absolute pain in the arse about germs etc. none of these sound ideal tbh.

Nah that’s a little weird… the germs thing is probably made up, but if it’s not he’s going to be an absolute pain about germs. I would probably say it’s an excuse because most real hardcore germaphobes won’t hug or have a really hard time eating out/ drinking out.

No sex outside of a relationship (or some kind of commitment) is one thing but no kissing is weird. I would think it was weird for a woman as well before anyone pulls that crap.

Sounds to me as if he does not see you as a potential person for a relationship but he loves your company. I.e. he sees you as a genuine friend. I have a male friend I met on a dating site, and we have seen each other once every 2 weeks or so for several hours each time, since last November. (Not November just gone, the one prior to that).

We have never discussed having a relationship at all; I can't think of anyone whose company I enjoy more, but physically, I do not find him attractive and the same must apply in reverse as he hasn't made any move on me either!

I'd be gutted to lose him (which of course will happen when or if he gets into a relationship) but if he made a move to kiss me, I would be really uncomfortable. I am sure he feels the same. But we have a fantastic time together otherwise.

He has messaged me since he left earlier so I prodded abit further stating it says on his profile he wants a relationship & if that still stands & he replied with i dont know if i do (his profile said he wants long term relationship) so I asked why was he on a dating app stating he wants a long term relationship if he was unsure what he wants & again his response was dont know. Maybe thats the answer i needed. Im not going to hang around waiting for him to make up his mind when I know what I want.

He sounds far too drippy. Chuck him back.

I was with a guy for 3 years who never kissed me. Briefly at the end of our first date but never again. I asked him why numerous times over the years. I asked outright if it was that I had bad breath. He always said no, he just didn’t like kissing.

I missed it SO much because I bloody love kissing. The next bloke after him was an amazing kisser. Useless at everything else mind.

He's making it weird and complicated, he'll do it forever, ditch!

Glad you're not wasting any more time with this one, OP. Bummer, though!

I remember being gobsmacked by a thread on here about kissing avoidance. Turns out there are lots of people who dislike it 😳 I can't imagine forming a relationship without kissing! I've been known to dump bad kissers.

I wouldn't spend more than a minute more with a man who wasn't interested in kissing me, whatever his weird reasons were. He sounds flaky, weird and like he would be very bad for your self esteem if you carried on seeing him, so good decision.

THIS

Annoying he’s apparently only figuring this out now! But better to know sooner rather than later. Don’t let it put you off dating outside your usual type.

He’s an uptight germ-obsessed weirdo. Run for the hills; he’s mad.

Weird, avoid

I knew a lovely guy once. A copper. Omg he was the most awful kisser. He would literally open his mouth as wide as possible and just engulf the lower part of my face. Along with what can only be described as licking and slobbering. I tried to kind of guide him tactfully but nope. Last I heard he was still single and I’m convinced nobody stayed with him because of the kissing.

Bandied around a lot and maybe he just does not like to kiss however it is actuay also a trait of a narcissist also. I had my last 'fling' who wasnt a kissing person but he would kinda lick my mouth an lap at me like a dog instead of kissing. Thankfully it was only a fling and he actually IS 100% a narc if not an actual psychopath but that is by the by, but feel revulsion now. Not kissing to me anyway is a deal breaker as you need it for the intimacy factor otherwise it is just a friends with future benefits he is looking for imo.

I would just dump him OP.
You like kissing. He doesn't want to for whatever reason.
It's not going to work

Life is too short for this nonsense. Get rid. If he is like this about kissing what is he going to be like in bed.

He sounds like a weirdo being honest .
I definitely wouldn’t bother with him anymore.
I mean he will have sex with someone even if he isn’t in a relationship but won’t kiss ! , like WTF is he on !!!
Also , his comment about children basically being germ carriers shows he doesn’t like kids .
I’m not saying you want to have kids with him , but you have kids so what in the name of God would you want him around for .

The funniest part was he said on date number 3 that he didnt have kids but wanted them because he loved being around his nephews.
I know I have made the right decision cutting him off because he never even made an effort dress wise on dates. He was always in dirty work clothes where as I made an effort. Our first date he wanted me to help decorate his house. I was like no. Im not coming to your house for a first date. When he picked me up he had an axe on his back seat so I changed tactic & said let's leave the car here & we'll go for a walk. Didnt want to make judgements straight away but really I should have cut it off after the first date.

An axe on his back seat? WTF? I'm surprised you bothered with a second date.

No way always in dirty work clothes OP !

I went on a date one time & his car was mingin , not exaggerating at all .
I thought to myself if he couldn’t have cleaned the car before he picked you up , you want to make a good first impression, anyway why would you want your date , knowing they’re all dressed up , especially a woman sitting into your car & it’s manky, he never said one word ,I mean if he had said , I’m so embarrassed my car is dreadful , I don’t want you to ruin your dress , do you want to get a towel to sit on or something, but nothing , he thought it was fine .
To be honest , even if he had said that , I feel there is no excuse.
You have your car clean picking up your date for the evening end of story .

Turning up in dirty work clothes , that’s worse again .
You’ll meet someone nice , defo not him .
On line is painful though , I actually came off of it .
Probably revisit it in the Summer cause I want to meet someone, but I live in a small town so very little chance of meeting someone.
So 🤞 for us both x

It sounds like you two might be incompatible.

The dirty clothes would have put the skids underneath it right at the outset for me. The kissing would have put the tin lid on it altogether.

There some really odd people out there.

I live in a village just outside a big town & have no friends etc here so dont get chance to go out & meet people the old fashioned way.