DH seems to like another school mum!

[litteredbeing]

So he doesn’t even talk to her, and neither do I for that matter, we do not really know her, but we see her at parties and football and I’ve noticed my husband looks at her. She has long brow hair, tanned skin and slim, I would say not that different to me so possibly why he looks. But it’s really pissed me off! He never normally looks at anyone. Do I just brush this off as him being a bloke unaware or have a word!? First world problem obviously.

I think it’s supposed to read. Long brown hair ladies 😂

Obviously everyone looks / admires others even when married , it’s just human nature to appreciate attractive people 🤷🏻‍♀️.
It’s just I wouldn’t like if I was stood next to my husband ( if I had one 😂) , but when I did & he was doing it directly infront of me .
I don’t see anything wrong with you letting him know you have noticed it .
It’s not cool !!!!

There is nothing wrong with looking at other people, you said he doesn't gawp at her so he's not being offensive. Keep an eye on him, if you must, but don't say anything, you'll sound crazy.

Don't we assume that the op is a reasonable person who must have noticed enough to warrant a thread? Nobody normal would be concerned about casual glances and most people aren't controlling or coercive and those are controlling and coercive sure as hell don't second guess themselves or post for help about it. What happened to trusting your instinct and validating women's experiences? It's not like no man or dad ever been inappropriate I don't understand why the ganging up in disbelief and mockery.

All extreme comments aside, can we agree that everyone can and will see people around them who are attractive? True for you reading this, true for me, my wife, OP, and her husband also. That is a given. It is valid. And fine.
Staring and gawking in a creepy manner, not cool. However, OP confirmed her husband did no such thing but takes several looks. I am struggling to see a reasonable cause for an argument in that alone, especially now that it is confirmed that he is not giving long stares while he is dribbling from the mouth...

HOWEVER! If OP is uncomfortable with it, it is also valid to bring it up, and talk about it with the husband, even if there is nothing to worry about. I would certainly like to know if i am doing something that makes my wife feel uncomfortable. I am willing to wager that the husband is not even aware of any of this.

Because they wouldn't be able to pat themselves on the back if they didn't point out how cool and chilled they are and write shit like "you sound unhinged" "you sound controlling" otherwise.

If he doesn't usually behave like that but is doing it so much with this woman that OP has noticed then that's an issue.

Is it though? OP later writes "I guess I looked at him because I thought he might find her attractive because I think she looks attractive, so I guess I sort of looked for it."

Is she particularly beautiful? I’ve gawped before at particularly beautiful people of both genders, it’s sort of hard not to, even when there’s no sexual attraction at all! Some people are just unusually nice to look at.

I wondered that myself..

This thread is bonkers.

You're right.

That sounds like hyper-vigilance.
That could be because she's a little insecure or could be he's doing it a little too much and her instincts are picking up on things.

Or maybe she likes the lady herself

Myself I keep a framed photo of fabled racing critic Sir John McCririck on top of my TV and if an attractive man comes on the screen I stare firmly at Sir John.

😂

In all my relationships we've been open about finding others physically attractive, so I would have teased any partners about this, providing it never went further than a look or awkward chat!

But I realise all relationships are different, and if OP and husband have rules against this in theirs, she is right to flag it I guess.

I just came on to add that my husband had an affair with a school mom, which caused me to leave, and he is still with her now. So in retrospect perhaps I SHOULD have been a bit more hard line I think....

(He's had affairs with further ones since, behind his former affair partner's back. Clearly there is just something about school run chic that he finds irresistible! No, in all seriousness, it's because he has always done all school drop offs and pick ups, and as that's unusual for a man I guess he turns a few heads.....And be is charm personified, until you get to know him!)

But from what you have said OP, it sounds like you have very little to worry about.

This exactly. And OP, trust me , there are the exact same percentage of women as there are here, in the third world too, who would be offended and disrespected if their DH's were staring at another woman inappropriately/noticeably too.

This would be disrespectful in my marriage. Everyone's free to have their own boundaries in their relationship. Ofcourse me and my husband find others attractive in many different ways but to linger a look more than seconds is a choice. A pointless one for us our energy goes in to eachother we are not interested any anyone else.
How does a lingering look serve me at all?

I would chat to him op see what's going on for him and his side of things. Let him know how it is impacting you. It's then his choice how he behaves moving forward with full knowledge of how its impacting his relationship.

I guess you didn’t read the ops update.

You know what it’s about, why be disingenuous, he’s having a normal straight guy reaction to an attractive female. You watching him as you perceive her as attractive just underlines your jealousy and insecurity I’m afraid,

if my husband saw an attractive man, watched me like a hawk to see if I was looking, noticed me glance a few times then fronted up saying what’s that about id immediately know he was jealous and insecure and it would not heighten my attraction to him in any way, it would give me the ick

what do you want him to do, train his eyes on the floor, force himself not to glance at attractive women, surely you don’t wish that sort of dishonesty and control in your marriage,

If she is giving him long lingering looks back, I might say something.
If not, no problem.

Could it actually be that you yourself have noticed her, that you think she is attractive (in a straight woman way!) and she is not dissimilar to you, and that you therefore notice more when he is looking at her?

I mean, if she were unattractive in your eyes, would you notice if he looked at her? It is feasible he looks at just about everyone but she is standing out more to you (and therefore you're looking to see if he's looking!) because you see how attractive she is?

Imagine the outcry if a bloke had posted this - Jesus you sound very controlling

When I used to take my young son to primary school, one of the parents at the school gate was a very attractive man.
He used to look over quite a lot, if I caught him looking he would look away quick.
I was flattered tbh, but....when he started showing up at the swimming baths the same time I took my son, and swam alongside me...I realised this was ridiculous.
I think my point is....if your husband starts going to the local baths, follow him.

😁

If a woman was eyeing up other guys while she was out with her DH then it would be equally disrespectful.

Out of interest have you seen any of the multiple threads on MN where OP's talk about how disrespected, and upset and diminished they feel because when they go.out with their partner he spends the whole time ogling other women? They crop up with saddening regularity. Yet atm i can't recall a thread where a guy has come on and complained about his DW or DP doing similar to random men..

There is nothing " controlling" about expecting respectful behaviour from your spouse or partner.

@Placetobreathe I am not saying people's feelings are not valid, don't get me wrong, if there is something bothersome about it to OP, yes, she should talk about it to the husband, who probably doesn't even know that he is annoying his wife. But let's not take the number of threads here on an isolated segment of the internet a conclusive study that presents this as a widespread issue... On a forum like this you post when you have something to talk about that resonates with you emotionally..something that bothers you, would like people's perspective on... Of course you will get a concentrated amount of posts where people are in one way or another frustrated.

Can I also just highlight OP's second post here where she openly says that it's not like the guy is gawking on the woman, they are literal normal glances that he takes for a normal length of time, but as she is actively hunting for him looking at the woman, it's easy to read into it...