Who are you and what have you done with DP?

[supersop60]

Semi light hearted.
My DP is like a different person when we’re around other people.
Last night I went to see a show where he was in the orchestra. We picked up a colleague of his on the way.
Suddenly this jolly happy person emerged, where minutes before he’d been moaning about having to go out, the rain, the dark mornings etc
He also normally drives like a grandad - eg 30 mph in national speed limit zone. Nope, L last night doing 82 on the local dual carriageway. I had to say something, but he insisted it was 75 (I could quite clearly see the display)
In the conversation about screens v books, he said ‘ Ih I always prefer a real book’. He hasn’t picked up a book in years, many unread Xmas presents on the shelf.
The only thing that was consistent was that he parked 15 mins away from the venue because it was free, and made us walk in the cold wind so he didn’t have to pay parking. I would have offered to pay if I’d known.
Does anyone else’s partner do this?

I’m 66 and about to phase in my retirement ( down to 3 days a week in April)
I can’t afford to be on my own - we still have 3 years left on the mortgage, and selling the house would maybe give us enough to buy a small flat each. I’ve been looking forward to working more in the garden - it brings me happiness.
I wouldn’t be able to have my piano or all my music, or have the DC to stay.
I have a lot of good things in my life. DP is chatty and affable today.

I get the impression that you see how unhappy you and your kids were / are but whilst your adult DC are planning to scarper, you have no intention of leaving him? If that is the case (and I’d urge you to be brave and reconsider), then would you at least consider suggesting therapy to him? Otherwise it’s going to be a very long retirement with just this two of you at home.

I doubt your DC will stay though… if their father is around.

@Caughtletrenyou mentioned me in my previous post.. but gor some reason I can't see it.. what did it say?

My ex husband was exactly like this, I divorced him

In your thread flogging your travel website that’s been deleted for breaking guidelines

You can't work on your garden all of the time. It's no reason to stay with him and your adult children (not surprisingly) do not like him either. They won't want to come back home to see either of you going forward and your life with him could become even more lonely. Being alone within a relationship is a poor place to be in.

So he is both chatty and affable with you today. Until he is not. This is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse and that is a continuous one.

And someone like your partner is unlikely to ever attend any therapy sessions because he thinks he is doing nothing wrong here with regards to you. If this is to be at all considered go on your own.

If stomping, swearing and slamming doors behaviour doesn't bother you much, no problem.
Personally I couldn't put up with it, I would feel I was living on a knife edge if my husband behaved like that.

My DH is just like this, it does get irritating, especially when he claims things that just aren’t true. I think he’s projecting a version of himself that he’d like to think is accurate but in reality, is far from it.
I’d be interested to hear what my DH has to say if anyone asks how his weekend has been because I can guarantee it won’t be the truth!

I am your age, OP, and we both can remember days in the past when women had to put up with this shit from men. Mercifully, we are not our mothers and we don't have to bend over backwards accommodating unpleasant men. And he is unpleasant, you say so yourself. I suppose it's a pros and cons game - stay and get some things you want, but at what cost? Or leave and have your own space, your own life and freedom.

How can you share a life with someone like this?

I think it's pretty normal to put your best foot forward when other people are around. It's not normal, though, to put your worst foot forward at home, with the people you are supposed to love.

@Caughtletrenno it hasn't, it's still there.

Because life isn’t as simple as just leave the bastard for a lot of us. Sad but true.

Agreed

but are you working towards it behind the scenes? Because this sounds depressing and won’t just be for you either

Look again @theaquinntravel

You thread advertising your travel website has been (correctly) deleted!

All of this is being horrible to you!
The polite version is “he’s difficult to life with.”

I think I'd be postponing my retirement and giving myself some options, personally.
That sounds very hard to live with, especially when you won't have work as an escape. Your kids may not even want to visit, if they can't wait to move out as it is? Does your husband care about that?

Do you want to retire and be on your own with him?

I'd be thinking about that quite carefully. I'd probably keep the DC and get him to leave tho, in your shoes.

Sometimes I wish my husband would be a bit more like this (to a happy medium extent) but if he’s in a mood he simply can’t seem to put a face on it. Doesn’t happen often at all but I find it embarrassing when it does.