I'm 50. I've spent much of my adult life single although I have been in a relationship for around 4 years now.
Like many, I was aware of incel, red pill, manosphere, MGTOW and 'dating coaches'... but had never actually encountered it personally, as in witnessed it or experienced any of the more extreme attitudes from men or seen any of the material myself.
Obviously, I'm well versed in 'useless men', weaponised incompetence, man babies (like I say, I spent most off my adult life single) but I'd never witnessed first hand the messages being delivered to men.
A few weeks ago, during a period.of illness, I started watching fb reels whilst ill in bed and now my mind is actually blown!
In late 2019, I started dating someone. It was great at the start - I'd go round after work and he'd run me a bath with candles, cook for me, we'd dance in the living room to Frank Sinatra. I was on cloud 9.
Lockdown hit, we 'bubbled' and then the real him started to emerge...
I'm not going to go into detail because this isn't that sort of post.
I ended it because there were inconsistencies and it wasn't the sort of relationship I wanted to be in. I was gutted really because we were perfect for each other on paper and I'd fancied him for a few years if truth be known. But he clearly didn't actually like me very much at all. It made no sense. He'd pay for expensive tickets to the ballet, he'd cook, he'd be charming in public, put his jacket around my shoulders if it was cold but then he was totally different behind closed doors.
He seemed utterly disinterested in me. I couldn't fathom why he would go out with someone and 'court' someone he didn't appear to even like!
Anyway, we dated for longer than we would have given the strange days of lockdown and I regarded him almost as a curiosity. I turned it into a game with myself - predicting what he'd do and say next or how he'd respond to me etc. I found it fascinating and baffling. It didn't affect how I saw myself. It was almost amusing seeing what he'd come out with next.
Anyway, lockdown ended, I ended the relationship and a few months later met my now partner. When it ended, he didn't seem bothered and then told me that I hadn't been 'grateful enough' for all the things he'd done for me. I reflected on that - I had. I'd thanked him, I'd treated him as often as he'd treated me. What he meant was I hadn't been subservient, adoring, deferent.
He's the only man I've personally been involved with who was this extreme.
So anyway, I've seen some of this stuff because I've been getting a lot of 'response' type videos on reels where other men show the sort of videos these men are watching and then rip them apart.
Everything about that entire relationship now makes complete sense! He did mention once, when we'd been talking about our recent and historical relationship experiences, that he'd watched some online dating coach advice but I had no idea what that actually meant! I mean some of the advice is literally, "Don't ever be nice to/compliment/spend time with/admit you like a woman you're in a relationship with. That makes you vulnerable and vulnerability makes you weak and women don't want a weak man. They want a man they can depend on who they can trust to he strong and not falter under pressure..." blah blah blah.
I mean, I can follow their 'logic' but it's absolutely bonkers!
I suppose I just really wondered how many other women were actually aware of the content these men are consuming? How many women have seen it for themselves?