Is it normal for it to be so hard to get dates?

[Bufftailed]

Late 40s, trying to take dating a bit more seriously. Using paid site. Most conversations fizzle out. Get a fair few likes but mainly from people not interested in, or looking for ‘unconventional relationship’. Is this normal, or could I be doing something off putting?? Never found dating easy but when I was younger I remember no issue in getting dates…

Don’t want to give up but often feel like it. Paid for this month, feels like a waste so far with not one date…

Do you ask the other person questions about themselves to keep the conversation going?

I know that’s one of the biggest reasons messaging fizzles out without leading to a date…

I think I do, have made an effort to. I often feel not much effort coming in other direction. Or there is but then messaging stops

No idea, I'm the same. People liking just for the sake of liking it seems.
If someone does bother to message, you reply asking a question and get nothing back. I honestly don't understand how people actually get dates from apps, because it really doesn't seem like anyone is actually there for dating!

It’s dispiriting…a couple of guys have said they feel the same..

It's got nothing to do with age. Covid massively changed dating apps and they have never been the same since. But don't despair, the good ones are out there feeling similarly frustrated. One good bloke is all you need.
Just have a bit of a sense of humour about it. Assume that 99% of the conversations will fizzle out.
On that basis, I wouldn't pay. It's just a waste of money. Use free sites/apps and give it time.

I am currently dating someone I met on the app. Took me 6 months to find him. I only managed one date with another man in all this time for similar reasons that you are describing. But he was well worth the wait!

its just a numbers game really, you are getting likes and views and interest- but from not people you are not interested in
what are the people you are interested in - what are you doing about those - and the unfortunate truth is the people you are interested in might not be interested in you 🤷🏻

Agreed it is a common theme that there seem to be a lot of people on there who just want pen pals rather than actually meeting in person.

You only need one decent guy though so it's definitely a numbers game. I would say go for a big site like Tinder for example I had my best luck on there.

I put myself out there for free and got thousands of likes and then paid for a week of being able to look at my likes and filtered through all the different men. Out of them I went on about ten dates overall some of them I just didn't fancy a couple of them were really nice and I could have muddled along happily with them.

I actually met the guy I'm currently dating that way and I knew straight away that he was different. So dropped the others. We've been together a year and it's been lovely.

I tried it for a bit in my early 50s and found the same. The only people "interested" in me were staggeringly good looking men in their 20s 🤣

100% a numbers game.

I was OLD pre covid and there were tonnes of time wasters...
fuckboys
penpals
and a lot of window shoppers... in the main these were 5 out of 10 guys who wanted to keep their options open in case something better came along.

I wouldn’t pay either, it doesn’t necessarily mean better quality men for paying, if fact I found lots of married men pay so they can’t be found easily on free sites by their wives/gfs or people that know them, happens everywhere though!
It’s a numbers game and more to see on a free app, not many men are looking for a serious relationship compared to the ones looking for something casual, it’s just the way they are! Then it’s finding a compatible serious option.

Not an age thing, it was the same in my early 20s. I can’t stand the apps and just meet people in person

I’m 60 and given up with the apps. Tried all of them over the course of a couple of years and only got about 10 first dates and only 1 led to a second.

No idea how people are having several dates a week - I barely got one every other month. And I seemed to just attract men young enough to be my son or old enough to be my dad.

Being single better than putting myself through that.

The apps are designed to be ineffective to keep people on there as long as possible. I stuck with it far too long and eventually met my partner in real life. No ghosting, flakiness or game playing - both just delighted to have met our match the old fashioned way.

Which app are you on? I got hundreds of likes on Bumble but they only lead to 8 chats and no dates.
Hardly any likes on Hinge in comparison to Bumble, but many more dates (and I'm now seeing one of them!)

I find too do have to be really strict with yourself. These are my ‘rules’:
Only respond/ like if;
-I find the person attractive.
-the person has put effort into their profile.
-seeking the same as me.
-doesn’t smoke
-lives within 30 minutes away
-has decent pics which are not in bed
-has children of their own
-if messages first, sends an interesting positively structured message with questions.
-if messaging does progress, I don’t continue beyond the first day if they are not asking questions/ showing interest/ engaging positively in communication.

Following these boundaries I have met since July 3 people who I’ve dated for a few months and had other dates. No, I haven’t found the one yet but I’ve found perfectly nice people without lots of messaging time wasters in between.

Match at the moment. Hinge before - very slow, couple of dates. Mostly fizzling chats

Dreamy. I work with all women. Don’t meet that many people tbh. Have a great hobby but mainly women

I think unfortunately it’s the nature of the game, not anything you’re doing wrong. Lots of people on these sites aren’t really on because they are looking for a relationship or even actual dates but rather just the ego boost of being wanted, getting likes, getting messages, something to pass the time. So you’re looking for the pool of people who actually are looking for something real and dates, then you need the people within that pool to be interested in you, and then of those people that are interested in you- you also need to find the ones that you are interested in! One of my friends said it does feel like buying a lottery ticket and just having to be in it to win it!

I’ll be honest I found the people on the paid sites a bit weird. I met DP online but on a non paid site. I went on dates with few different people and the paid site ones seemed like they would settle with anyone and they didn’t have much about them. Maybe try different sites?

Go on Tinder. Thats where most people are.

My tactic is not to bother messaging for any length of time and just ask them to meet up early on (if no obvious red flags). Messaging doesn't work well for me, I struggle to keep it interesting, much happier chatting in person. Weeds out the time wasters. I'm the opposite of some posters in that I keep my criteria fairly open (again, excluding anything weird) as you never know, the chemistry can be different in person.

Me too. Can’t stand messaging strangers. I would ask if they want to meet for coffee or a quick walk (daytime is less pressure). I met my DP on tinder this way. We’re both introverts and hate making small talk. We’ve been together 7 years.

Could be where you live? Or too many filters? Try broadening your criteria slightly.

I’m in one of the most populous parts of thd UK so can’t blame that.

Interesting. I always thought Tinder was more hook ups. I must be behind the times.

I never ask out. I should try that.