Can anyone help me with how to word my dating profile please?

[blythet]

Hi there!
so I’ve been divorced 10+ years and pretty much been a single mum all that time. Had a few relationships, most significant was 2 years bit not lived with anyone since etc. and always been very independent.

im happy enough with my life the way it is so definitely not desparate to meet anyone but would love some company while I’m child free.

for various reasons I’m not looking to introduce anyone to my DC’s life (at least not in the short term). I’ve got no interest in moving in with anyone and/or marriage etc - at least until my DC has moved out (prob about 10ish years away).

therefore I don’t want to start a relationship with anyone looking for anything that serious. However, I’m absolutely useless at ‘casual’/ONS (no offence to anyone who is - my life would be simpler if it was but I only enjoy sex with someone I have feelings for).

im worried if I put on my dating profile that I don’t want anything serious, I’ll only attract people looking for sex/ONS. But on the other hand I don’t want to waste anyone’s time if they’re looking for living together/marriage/kids etc

appreciate I could explain all this but looking for a more succinct, breezy, light hearted way to explain it.

im guessing there could be single dads quite happy with that type of arrangement?

This is where ChatGPT can really help you! It's so hard to blow your own trumpet, be succinct and also realistic in the fewest possible words.

Ah great idea @Arlanymori always forget chatGPT but love it when I use it

I would just be honest. Maybe say “I’m looking for a companion to enjoy life with but also to remain independent. I’m interested in making a connection, going on holiday/the theatre/festivals/the cinema/whatever you enjoy with someone but not in getting married or having any more children”

It honestly just helps you frame stuff better I think. It's so hard otherwise because it's so intensely personal and you are minded to downplay stuff.

Personally, I'd just hire an escort when you need company. Whilst it sounds flippant, there's a whole culture of Chinese ladies hiring 'kens' to do all the boyfriend things, but that they can pick up and drop when it suits. Sounds perfect to me 😊

Who needs Chat GPT? Just use this description!

😂 I’d actually like a relationship where we have feelings for each other and enjoy spending time together (without being paid for it). I just don’t want a ‘traditional’ relationship that have the aim of always progressing to the next step

On the apps I used there were tick boxes of what you are looking for too and I think you could filter to not see the people that were wrong for you

Agreed - I'd be careful about using AI as it may sound too contrived, robotic and/or cheesy (and thus offputting)! The suggestion above looks great to me.

I have the same views and I pretty much still posted that I want a long term relationship. Because that's what I want.
All the details can be discussed later as we, indeed, have done with my current bloke on date four. We agreed that we want to be fully integrated in each others' lives but live separately. At least in the short to medium term.
Before meeting him, I went on plenty of dates and it didn't matter what those guys had in mind as their ideal situation because I simply didn't fancy them.
You seem like you want something stable and long term. So just say that and don't overcomplicate things.

Agree!

Men don't care that much about what's put in a profile (most don't even read the profile), whereas women (particularly the Burned Haystack promoters) will analyse every single word in a profile.

So I wouldn't be concerned about ChatGPT, it helps frame the information and for the men that bother to read the profile they'll get the right information.

I wouldn't put anything different on the profile - as pp said just put seeking long term relationship, which you are. The details are always agreed later. I've found a few nice men on online dating so I'm not totally cynical, but most or all of them are not looking for marriage or moving in together in the near future either. It's not like you would be disappointing a man or wasting his time.

Exactly this! Spot on.

Just don’t make the mistake a friend of mine did and put ‘no-strings fun’… she meant days/evenings out and no pressure etc, but genuinely didn’t seem to realise she’d sent a message akin to saying ‘Netflix and chill’… she got plenty of replies but they weren’t the kind she had in mind. 😄

Thanks! You’re right, I do want a long term relationship and I am over thinking it!!

the last 2 guys I was seeing (just a couple of months each and 2 years apart from each other) wanted more than I felt I could commit too and it’s put me off a bit.

being more upfront after a few dates seems the way to go (although I thought I’d been clear with the other 2!)

Haven’t got why advice on what you should put in your profile@blythet, but you can always tell / clarify what you’re after once you start messaging.

Just wanted to say that the arrangement you’re after sounds reasonable to me (a single dad who’s co-parenting) and expect there’s a lot of others out there seeking / hoping for similar. Good luck with the OLD, and hope you get plenty of matches.

Many guys don't read profiles...a lot don't bother to write them...I second the suggestion to get AI to write you one then edit it to sound human 😁

Don't use AI. People want to get to know you, not a robot version of you. Plus, whenever someone has clearly used AI in their profile, it just comes across as so low effort and lazy.

It's called LAT "living apart together" and yes it is a thing.

I think quite a lot of people would like this to be honest it's how I'm living with my partner of a year and we see the best of each other I think.

Up thread the suggestion of wording seems perfect to me it's exactly what you want and most people would be really happy with that

I just tried asking Grok to make one based on my X profile and past tweets. That worked incredibly well, and was personalised. Much quicker also, so that’s a very good alternative to ChatGPT.

Glad it worked although I wouldn't using Grok after recent events - did you hear about the deepfaked, sexualised images of real people? Big news story.

You're going to use AI to tell you who you are and what you want?

I've always had a similar mindset. When I've gone on OLD, I've said that I'm looking for a meaningful connection within a LAT style relationship. They then ask what that is, if they bother to read the profile! And then as we chat, I explain. If there are initial options to tick, I go with 'dating seriously' or 'with intention'. Good luck!

Me? No, not currently. I tried it out as was curious, as I work in that sector.

When time comes for me to dip my toes into OLD I’ll use it as a springboard, and adapt it.
It recognised I like football and a certain club a lot (my username gives a clue) and I don’t think that’ll help me connect with the right woman!