Can anyone help me with how to word my dating profile please?

[blythet]

Hi there!
so I’ve been divorced 10+ years and pretty much been a single mum all that time. Had a few relationships, most significant was 2 years bit not lived with anyone since etc. and always been very independent.

im happy enough with my life the way it is so definitely not desparate to meet anyone but would love some company while I’m child free.

for various reasons I’m not looking to introduce anyone to my DC’s life (at least not in the short term). I’ve got no interest in moving in with anyone and/or marriage etc - at least until my DC has moved out (prob about 10ish years away).

therefore I don’t want to start a relationship with anyone looking for anything that serious. However, I’m absolutely useless at ‘casual’/ONS (no offence to anyone who is - my life would be simpler if it was but I only enjoy sex with someone I have feelings for).

im worried if I put on my dating profile that I don’t want anything serious, I’ll only attract people looking for sex/ONS. But on the other hand I don’t want to waste anyone’s time if they’re looking for living together/marriage/kids etc

appreciate I could explain all this but looking for a more succinct, breezy, light hearted way to explain it.

im guessing there could be single dads quite happy with that type of arrangement?

What the media didn't tell you was that all the AIs do that. So if you want to avoid using AI that is used for deepfakes you haven't got much choice left.

Don't... 🫣

Don t write trite shit, don’t detail your requirements like a shopping list for male body parts or to expose the emotional luggage your ex left or the buttons to push, don’t use AI, don’t be basic, most women want a LTR, no need to spell it out, they don’t care anyway, challenge them a little

“Can you make me happier than I already am?” used to be my line

I think that line might be breaking your first rule

OP I’d go with what pp says here , it’s perfect 👌

It ain’t Shakespeare, but it hits the essential points: it gives nothing personal away except that I am happy, and it directly challenges the reader.

What s yours?

Friend with benefits seems to be the common way to express that these days. Pretty sure that there plenty of people who will be happy with that type of relationship

That sounds like Fuck Buddy to me, and I'm think the OP wants to avoid that.

Blokes will attempt whatever they want from you regardless of what you specify on your profile. Half the blokes who state they are looking for a long term relationship open with something sexually explicit or invite themselves over before saying hi.
I think you just have to avoid saying you want something casual in your profile and more focus on what interests you.
Try to figure the rest out when chatting, but blokes will just agree with your needs even if they aren't looking for the same. Joys of online dating.

I put in mine that I want someone who makes my life better for being in it (and I, theirs) and I want to date and get to know each other, and I didn't want to jump straight into a serious relationship. I'm two years into meeting someone, some weeks we don't see each other as children/work/friend commitments but like last week we saw each other 4 times. We are away next weekend for a long weekend. Not met families or kids etc. Honestly it's best of both worlds. And it's a numbers game, went on two dates with one guy, hadn't even kissed, and he asked to move in!

It sounds like you do want a relationship though, you just also want to keep your own space and no marriage.

I wouldn’t mention it all on the profile, that type of thing will naturally be discussed when you talk to people.

There is indeed a large proportion who think dating apps are catalogues of free sex workers.

Looking for an exclusive long term relationship but not planning to blend families/ homes in the foreseeable future.

It's so true. I've just chatted to a bloke who invited me to his hotel within 3 hours and I've actually been purposely being a pain with my responses.
He made no attempt to ask any questions, was rude and presumptive about females and so I've just been messing for the lols to see when he quits trying.

I bet you were upfront with the other two but they chose not to hear you.

My experience with OLD was that men just checked out my photos and never read what I'd carefully written. Hopefully things have changed.

In answer to your actual question I'd write

"I'm looking for someone to spend time with the weekends my children are with their dad and talk to during the week. I'm not interested in casual hook-ups. I'm into theatre, music gigs and cooking (or whatever). "

Hi, sorry, nothing to add but what you have written is me to a T - looking forward to the suggestions! Good Luck xx

This is perfect!

therefore I don’t want to start a relationship with anyone looking for anything that serious. However, I’m absolutely useless at ‘casual’/ONS (no offence to anyone who is - my life would be simpler if it was but I only enjoy sex with someone I have feelings for)

Your head needs a wobble. It's like reading someone saying 'I have a significant gambling problem, but I'm in the middle of booking myself a trip to Vegas'???

Yes, it might be simpler maybe if you enjoyed sex with someone who you don't have feelings for. Maybe, but it's not who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that.

You need to accept who you are emotionally, and biologically. Women produce a lot more oxycontin during sex and orgasm than men do, which makes women more likely to bond whoever they're with. The opposite of what you'd need if you really want to keep things casual.

im worried if I put on my dating profile that I don’t want anything serious, I’ll only attract people looking for sex/ONS

Yes. It will massively do that. I'd also say you're more likely to attract men who are particularly nice people in the process. Not that women who actually want stable relationships are all having a great time mind you, but as much as men love it and find it very convenient, I don't think that a lot of them respect women who are looking for casual sex.

It's not impossible to get what you're looking for, and I appreciate that I may sound like a wet blanket, but this it sounds ripe for emotional upset on your part.

If I could produce oxycontin during sex I'd be at it every night of the week...

@ruethewhirl 😂

I meant 'oxytocin'.

Honestly - don’t go on the apps. Extend your social circle, go out, do interesting things and meet someone in the wild. The best men don’t go near the apps.

Often true, but not always. I'm celebrating 26 years with my last online date this year. I have friends in similarly long-standing relationships after meeting via OLD. It's true that there are more misses than hits doing it that way (I certainly kissed a few frogs), but unless standards have plummeted drastically since DH and I met, I don't think it's at all true to say there are no decent men on the apps.

26 years ago was a different landscape…

Not true.

Write that you'd like a close, intimate relationship with no pressure to marry or move in together as you like your independence. Let in be known that you don't want a casual fling or ONS but do want respect & loyalty from someone wanting companionship rather than just a friendship. Say you're easy going & will take a relationship day by day to see where it goes.