Ex threatening to share videos

[Bobbydrizzler]

My awful ex is becoming ever more embittered by our breakup. Stupidly when we were together (during lockdown) we exchanged sexual videos. He is now threatening to share them with people I know.
I told him that this would be illegal and his response was to send me a particular clip he says he will share. It is obviously a sexual video but you can't see anything obviously sexual. Sorry if that isn't clear, but essentially my question is would it be illegal to share it?!

I am really anxious about him doing so and would like to go to the police or someone. Or at least have some legal backup. But it's hard because the video doesn't actually show sex or my genitals. Any advice?

Not only is sharing non consensual videos illegal but he is also Blackmailing you. Both are very serious offences and could result in considerable prison terms.

Dont be messaging giving him chances. Go straight to the police.

As pp have said he's probably already committed an offence by threatening you on record with releasing intimate videos of you (revenge porn doesn't have to show nudity or genitals btw). I would report already, I wouldn't be surprised if they threw the book at him for this

OP, make no mistake- it is an offence to even make a threat to share an intimate video or image. Please screenshot all the evidence. It does not matter whether or not the video or photos constitute “porn” or whether any genitals/breasts/bum/whatever is shown. Look up the definition or “intimate” and “indecent” images and the sexual offences act.

OP, it is your choice ultimately but I would urge you to still report this to the police. People who make these threats really need to be dealt with. It is an awful, awful form of abuse that not enough people report. If he's done this to you, he will likely do it in future. You could protect someone else from this.

Sounds like the videos were consensual….. as in sending him the vids…

still bloody wrong to threaten her though!!

Of course it would be illegal and if you could prove who shared it, or at least the police could and it wouldn't be too hard for them most likely, he would most likely spend some time in jail.

He could be charge with Controlling & Coercive behaviour also.

Yes the videos were consensual but clearly they were for his eyes only.

My only concern about going to the police is that I don't want the police seeing the video! That's why I thought it best to threaten him back first.

They have seen that a million times, honest. Go to the police tomorrow x

I know it would be difficult but the police IF they viewed the video, it would be in a professional basis only.

just concentrate on giving your ex all he deserves!!

There was no publishing on line consent. So the pictures were private, not for public viewing.

That’s what he’s banking on…

the police don't care. They want to stop this kind of thing. You will be doing his next and subsequent girlfriends a favour.

I am a bit older than the average poster, I think.
But here is my take….
Sex is a natural part of life. Nobody’s good name is tarnished here apart from the man making threats.
Whatever you feel the police may see or not see, they have probably seen far worse on their tea break.
Nobody should feel ashamed or feel put off - yes, it was a private film, but any woman being treated like this should forget her blushes and get the police involved.
These men are horrible, horrible bullies and I’ve said upthread, if I received a video like this of a younger friend or relative I would want the sender dealt with.
Sex in a digital age. I know we should all be free to do as we please, with consent, but I think these videos can prove to be a minefield. It’s definitely not an ‘I told you so’ but I think on balance the risk of sending these things is becoming too much of a personal risk.
As for the sender, what a sad, pathetic creep he is.
’So tell me Clive what happened with you and your ex?’
’Well I threatened to send an intimate video to people she knew and she went to the police. What a wrong one she turned out to be…..!’

OP The Police have to view the videos to ascertain if any offences have been committed. Standard procedure.

Save everything

Messages, threats, the clip he sent

Do not edit or forward them

Do not engage further

Further replies can escalate things

Contact the police

Ask to report a threat to disclose private sexual images

You can do this via 101 or online, or 999 if you feel in immediate danger

Consider specialist support

Organisations like the Revenge Porn Helpline (UK) can give confidential guidance and help with takedowns if needed

“Revenge porn” law does not require nudity
Under section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, it is an offence to disclose a private sexual photograph or film if:

1. The disclosure is without your consent, and
2. It is done with the intention of causing you distress

What counts as “private sexual”?

• It does not have to show sex or genitals
• It can include:
• Sexualised behaviour
• A video made in a private context that a reasonable person would regard as sexual
• Courts look at context and intention, not just anatomy

The police won't care, seriously. And they won't judge you.

I've only had very minimal contact with the police (3 times - although on every occasion it has been to do with male behaviour!) and I have never found them to be anything less than completely professional and supportive.

What is he wanting you to do so that he wont share the video? Is he saying get back with me or i'm going to share the video?

Threatening someone with revenge porn would be considered blackmail - so still criminal behaviour.

You will almost certainly have to show the police his messages, including the one where he's sent you the video. Try not to be embarrassed about it, they see this sort of stuff (and far worse unfortunately) every day. Ask to see a female officer if that makes it any easier?

My reply, which is currently hidden for mnhq to investigate, was a link to a charity helpline that supports individuals who have been a victim of revenge p. It might be useful if you need it. Hopefully they will unhide it soon.

I’m a police officer. It’s unlikely that the video would be needed as evidence, if the threat to use it is made out. We don’t routinely watch them.

Thank you. This is reassuring. I do have the threat in a text, and a description of the video from him intending to show me that he thinks it's not sexual enough to be a problem (my original concern too).

Definitely police, as everyone has already said.

A (very much) ex-friend of my (very much) ex-husband posted revenge porn to Facebook - he actually ended up on an All-Inclusive break at HMP. There were other factors, but the revenge porn triggered it, and the police do take it seriously.

Don’t threaten the police. Actually go to the police.