Am I being dramatic?

[IWetMyPlants]

Hi All,

Just wanted some input in my marriage whether it's me?

Married for 7 years together for 9. DH (48) is a good bloke until an argument arises which isn't very often. He has a habit of running off when this occurs back to his mother's and ghosts me for days because he seems to think I'll have calmed down. Usual arguments around just affection or paying any attention to me at all in a sexual way (I need this sometimes)

Around Christmas I caught him looking at a 20 something's family members breasts on two separate occasions. I left it the first time but the second time I had to try and explain how it made me feel.
Think I am struggling at the moment due to peri- and aging but I did go quite nuclear on him especially with his lack of affection for his wife. He has a habit of trying to turn things around saying I must look at men at the gym etc or he didn't realise he was looking at her boobs. He has gone back to his DM house and again just ignores me. Am I going insane here for throwing away a marriage for the sake of these tits?
Any advice would be appreciated.

You’re not the one being dramatic, the mummy’s boy man baby is.

Thank you I needed to hear this I feel as though I am going insane. Can't quite believe how angry it's made me feel!

First reply correct.

Plus, if he isn't giving you sexual attention/affection AND is ogling 20-year-old boobs AND accuses you of leching after young men (he's attempting DARVO here), you have yourself a husband who doesn't respect you as a person or value your relationship enough to want to fix it.

Sorry.

So rather than have an adult conversation about how to sort out the issues in the marriage he goes running back to his mums to chill out for a few days? Then returns when he thinks it’ll all have blown over. Do you have dc? I suspect you’re the one who has to look after them while he’s getting pampered at mummy’s.

That’s a ridiculous and childish response to conflict in a marriage. And the sex/ogling women is another issue altogether. I’d be tempted to change the locks next time he does it.

So rather than talk to you like an adult he runs back to his mother?

id be telling him to stay there.

He's perving over the tits of a young female relative less than half his age and you think you're being dramatic?

Ugh. Change the locks and tell him he can stay at his mother's.

No he’s not a ‘good bloke’ he’s a sleazy creepy pervy pathetic manbaby mummy’s boy.

He sounds like an absolute wanker. Let him run home to mummy’s apron strings permanently

Have you tried following him to his mothers and continuing the conversation?

Definitely not. I have two DC in their teens. and his DM would probably think I'm imagining it. She does tell him he shouldn't be going home and need to sort things out but on the other hand she would also think I'm nuts as it's his nieces tits! She doesn't wear a bra and it's all there to see but he acts weird on the few occasions we see her.

Thank you! I know am not going crazy we know where they are looking when they stare. The fact he just denies it and places blame on me for things we aren't even arguing about nor have I done just to wriggle out of the spotlight being on him. Appreciate your response. Thank you

Thank you! Think I've known for a while that is isn't working. He loves it when things are great but when I have something to say like this now he runs off... Appreciate your advice.

I agree with previous posters. It's so childish to run back to mums rather than having an adult conversation. It's just embarrassing tbh!
Also clearly looking at a 20 year olds breast is gross. Do you think his poor niece has noticed as well?
On a separate note, you say in your OP that there is a lack of affection/intimacy. Has he done anything to address that? Although I appreciate his behaviour may stop you even wanting that from him!

That brings back painful memories - the ignoring for weeks on end when he ran back home to Mummy.

Shudder.

Don't put up with it, OP. And the leering. Yuck. Maybe send an email or a text with a hard, true ultimatum. BUT, you have to mean it.

You deserve love, affection and respect. You're not getting what you deserve and need.

This is our only argument we ever have really he seems to fall into the life of being married but forgetting his wife still needs affection or attention which then makes me think he wants someone else because it's not me who it getting anything since peri it's worse because the feelings are more intense if that makes sense. He seems to think i want a fucking movie scene. I don't, just to know I'm not the chef, loyal companion the present giver the dog walker the SP and mother the cleaner and maid. I didn't know it was so hard to make your wife feel so crap about herself. I think if I keep his eyes on those breasts it's fair to say I don't want him around me anymore anyway it's disgusting I wonder what he thinks when he is looking at them (he never touches mine albeit they are small) just fed up of this running away situation and I've said before how much it's annoys me completely ignoring me. Just needed to know my feelings here are valid I give him everything and so little back.

Tell him to stay there. Pathetic perv.

Thank you so you've been there before to. I don't think will get any better honestly I think I just need to get a hair cut look after myself and get rid! Appreciate you taking the time to post.

Good plan OP. Do some lovely things for yourself and get rid. You deserve so much more than what this man is giving you ❤️

I agree with other posters. This bloke is a man baby and just wants a housekeeper and maid. How childish, running back to mummy!

I'd spend today getting his bags packed and send them to him, telling him he's not welcome back.

Thank you everyone I truly do appreciate what you have all said. Thank you for helping me realise it's not me.

Running back to his mums gives ms the ick.
Ghosting would piss me right off.
Thats enough for me, id be out of there.

All the other stuff is awful too but those two things, hes a man baby. Yuck get him in the bin OP

He sounds like a right creep ,perving over his nieces breasts 🤮.

OP, there seems to be quite a few mentions from you of peri. Please know this isn’t a you problem and this isn’t the time to make excuses for a man child. As PP’s have said, his ridiculous behaviour by running back to his mums when he’s nearly 50 instead of communicating with you is disrespectful and that should be enough to end it. Don’t let your DC’s think that this is what a healthy relationship looks like, it’s not.

Usual arguments around just affection or paying any attention to me at all in a sexual way (I need this sometimes)

So he perves on his niece, ew, and you're sounding sexually coercive, ew, and this 47 year old man runs back to his mom's whenever there's an argument, yikes.

And you've had two teens around watching this for years.

This doesn't sound like a good marriage at all. You sound very mismatched.

I mean, how immature can you get? Running back to Mummy and then ghosting you? As pps have advised, tell him to say put and grow up.
He's done it before and will no doubt do it again rather than taking responsibility for his actions. I'd be looking into ending things as he obviously can't or won't change.

His mum shouldn't put up with it, send him home.