Fiancé replying to female instagram story

[Mummymember]

so my fiance and I are due to get married in 4 months, we have a really happy relationship have been together 6 years and have two children together ( 3 year old and 10 month old).

when my youngest was 7 months old he booked as a trip away for a night in paris as we were struggling to have time together alone. Whilst at the airport a female was getting on same flight as us, she said hello to him and he looked really awkward and from his reaction i know instantly there was history there. I asked him why he looked so awkward and he was honest and said he had a one night stand with her in the past. I know of the female as we have mutual friends, i thought nothing of it and we had a lovely time on our trip.

so today (3 months later) he left his phone at home whilst he went to an appointment. I honestly dont know what came over me but i had the urge to go through it to only look for messages between him and this female. I dont know i have not been able to get this out of my head how awkward he was with her at the airport. I have NEVER in our whole relationship had this urge and i have been around girls he has slept with before me and not felt like this. I am insecure since having my baby and suffering with post natal depression and have been on medication, not that its an excuse to go through his phone which i know was wrong
Anyway i wish i hadnt, i have seen that the night we seen her in the airport she posted a photo on her instagram story in Paris where we were also in extremely revealing low cut top and he had liked it. He had liked 4 photos in total over the past 3 years of photos of her with a low cut tops on and she is by herself in all photos. One of them he liked 3 weeks after i had given birth to our first child which was really traumatic and it has really hurt me
i know they are only “likes” but its really upset me and i feel like its sneaky as the photos are on her story highlights you cant see publicly who liked it as when you reply to a story with a like its in your private messages. I have confronted him and it is really apologetic but i am SO hurt. I feel like its given her attention and trying to get her attention. Its going through my head that If she would have then made conversation with him would he have responded? I am so shocked at him and unsure how to move forward. I dont know if i am being extreme but its inappropriate and a betytral in my eyes and i feel so broken

Honestly I wouldn't say anything and would try get a better look. I'd say he slept with her when he was with you.

When he told you he had a one night stand with her " in the past" did he tell you when this was OP?

I 'm sorry but it sounds as though at the very least he is attracted to her.

I really think you should be postponing your wedding . Because until you and he can have some honesf conversations about this woman then I think you are setting yourself up for problems ahead.

@Mummymember, this was indeed a betrayal which I would actually consider a form of infidelity.

Your H has acknowledged having a sexual history with this woman, but he was not clear about when. [I too think he cheated on you with her.] On the same night of his awkward encounter on the way to Paris, she posted a revealing photo. Even though you two were there for a romantic getaway, he made time to check her Instagram and reach out to like her sexy picture. She knew that he would look and he wanted her to see his drooling. He has done the same several times before, even shortly after you gave birth. It was their dirty secret until you rumbled him. He has massively disrespected you and made a mockery of your relationship and family.

@Mummymember, you would be very foolish to marry this immature untrustworthy guy who enjoys ogling and pursuing the attention of his former sex partners, even when on a trip with you. It would be game over for me.

He told me it was 9 years ago so 3 years before we were together

I don't think it 100% points to anything untoward as not everyone thinks deeply about simply clicking 'like' on a nice photo.

But as it seems to have upset you this much that you're 'broken', I would expect him to unfollow her really, even if secretly he thought you were being way OTT.

And just for the record, it's still ok to use the word 'woman' on Mumsnet.

I think the fact he was perving on this woman so soon after the birth of his child is so very disrespectful. You and his new baby should have been the centre of his world at that point.

And the fact he was thinking of her when he was supposedly having a romantic break with you , coupled with his behaviour when he met up with her at the airport is really insulting to you.

When you say he was " apologetic" when you confronted him how did he explain his behaviour?

I agree its so disrespectful, he said it doesnt mean anything and that its just a like and that he so sorry doesnt want to lose me etc

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Wow what made you want to kick the op. There is nothing to suggest this. Thay was pure spite.

Op, I disagree here with the others, it’s just likes, there is nothing to suggest he’s chasing her or anything, and we don’t die from the waist down when we meet our partners, sure if him liking an ex’s pics every now and again bothers you ask him to stop but please don’t let posters here try to ruin your relationship

I'm not on Instagram OP so have no idea how it works but were there any messages between them?

“female” 🧐 FFS. You sound intent on making something out of nothing. It’s 4 likes in 3 years. Of a clothed woman. What’s more concerning is that you scrolled through 3 years of his likes to drag this up.

Total pure spite wasn't it?

You have to worry about the MH of some posters with regards to posting this sort of thing.

How you can tell that he liked her story? They disappear after 24 hours and if you look back on messages it just says ‘story unavailable’ after that. Not sure how you could know that it was her in a revealing top?

@Mummymember I agree, it's unkind and very disrespectful OP. He's been in an intimate relationship with this woman and he's still "liking" sexy photos of her allegedly 9 years later. Obviously he's still got the hots for her. To be following a former sexual partner's revealing photos just after his wife had given birth isn't what any woman would want from a loving husband. What's your financial/housing situation OP?

But it's not just " likes" It's the fact he was thinking about her at all that is the issue really. At points in your life when his focus should have been you and his life with you. Not him thinking about a woman he had previously had sex with.
That's what he needs to address with you. Especially if you are supposed to be getting married. Why is he looking at photos of his ex? Why is he still interested in her? Why is he embarrassed meeting her.

I went through her highlights on instagram and you can see there is a red heart there where he has liked it

Im a stay at home mum and he has his own business

Marry him and take him to the cleaners then. I really don't think this woman being in Paris on the same night as you and him was a total coincidence.

I don't think it's a massive issue personally. It's just fake social media bollocks. He had a one night stand nearly a decade ago, not a relationship, just sex - he told you straight up that he's slept with her once. He didn't lie to you like he could have in the moment. It may have been more than once, but we all have history, and we don't have to share EVERYTHING if it's not relevant, I don't think anyway..

So he likes her stories, it's not ideal, and a bit cringe, but there are no messages, suggesting nothing more to it. I'd let him know very clearly you don't appreciate it, but I don't think it's quite a sackable offence. Men are very basic creatures, like their ego stroked and rarely consider the consequences of their actions, even low level.

As you said yourself, you're postpartum, maybe not gauging it as rationally as you would normally. And it is pretty poor on his part. He should be supporting you to feel better.

But if it's 4 photos over 3 years, and this is in total isolation of a otherwise generally good track record I think I would have to move on, dwelling on this sort of toxic shit isn't healthy.

4 likes over 3 years is nothing, really. Unless he was messaging her or trying to strike up a conversation, it really doesn’t mean anything and not at all a suggestion that there’s anything untoward.

And does he follow her? Because if so, obviously her stories will pop up without him looking for them so it’s not like he’s gone out and searched for her.

I do think you’re overreacting when the only contact in all your time together is 4 likes on Instagram and bumping into each other at the airport.

I’ve also been on the same flight as an acquaintance in the past. It does happen.

@Hegharty "I’ve also been on the same flight as an acquaintance in the past. It does happen."

Yes, many of us have. But this wasn't an "acquaintance" was it. This was an (allegedly) former shag that he's still following in social media. He was also the one that insisted on going to Paris. Coincidence much?

This was an (allegedly) former shag that he's still following in social media.

What a disgusting way to describe a woman.

I don’t get how that’s any less of a coincidence than bumping into anyone else you know?

It depends for me, does he like a lot of people’s photos?

If he likes everyone’s photos, including Alan from the pub and 60 year old Jenny from work, I’d not be bothered. If he’s only liking the photos of young women he’s slept with I’d be more bothered.

Really? This is a woman he'd had a sexual relationship with and who he's still following on social media. He was also the one that suggested going to Paris on the exact same day as her. I think you're being a teeny bit naive here.