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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can cheating sex addict husband change?

60 replies

LovingDog · 15/01/2026 21:10

My husband has been cheating on me for around 4 years. Multiple online sexting loads of women every day - some from his past. I don’t know if anything physical has happened and I don’t believe a word he says. I just found some of the messages - tip of the iceburg. Can someone overcome sex addiction like this and be faithful?

OP posts:
PatchouliPrincess · 17/01/2026 11:02

No OP.

Your H can never undo the damage he has done to your relationship or you.

When something is broken beyond repair it cannot be put back together again.
This is broken beyond repair. 💐

AAudreyHorne · 17/01/2026 11:05

More importantly than asking if he can change, ask yourself if you can live with the uncertainty and lack of trust.
You can't control what he does but you can control what you allow into your life.

ForTipsyFinch · 17/01/2026 14:08

I can’t imagine why you would want to stay with a man like this, but no it’s very unlikely that someone who shows this level of deceit is going to have a sudden lightbulb moment. He’s only promising therapy because you found out - if you didn’t he would still be cheating.

dudsville · 17/01/2026 14:11

What on earth could make this man so amazing that you'd be willing to wait around for an unknown amount of time while he sorts himself out? One possible outcome of all that work on himself is that he Still doesn't love and respect you. (clue: he doesn't love and respect you now)

BitOutOfPractice · 17/01/2026 14:12

It’s amazing how many cheating men get a self “diagnosis” of sex addiction isn’t it? 🤔

nc43214321 · 17/01/2026 16:08

Yes 4 years of all that I don’t think I could forgive tbh.

How are you doing?

PatchouliPrincess · 17/01/2026 18:05

Even if he now becomes Mr Wonderful now, that can never undo what he has done to you, your marriage and your self-esteem.

He will never change.

What is HE doing to sort this out?

Holdmeclosertinydancer2018 · 17/01/2026 18:26

Not read past the title but the answer is no.

GarlicSound · 17/01/2026 19:21

It didn’t take me long to learn that not only his sexual and sexualized activities but also his emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse tactics were the nuts and bolts of many disorders, including narcissistic personality disorder. But in the sex addiction treatment industry, the focus was always on his penis activities. Only recently have practitioners begun to name these other narcissistic tactics and sometimes call them “abusive”, and they’ve only done that because we won’t stop talking about it!

For all the time experts have spent trying to get a name that applies to wives and partners, they work hard to stay away from the name that applies to these men—abusers. Instead we hear that what these men do is “abusive”—as if that behavior can’t point to the name that so clearly applies—abuser. No, they may abuse wives, partners, children—ruining their physical health, their formation as human beings, their psychological health, their sense of safety in this world, their opportunities for education and financial security—but these men are sex addicts, not abusers. That way experts can avoid everything we know about working with victims of intimate partner violence and covert parental abuse.

www.yourstoryissafehere.com/blog/2019/9/8/the-results-are-in-narcissists-arent-that-bright

No, you shouldn't stay with him to "work through it". You should not accept that while his behaviour is abusive, he is not an abuser. You should not nod along when your quite understandable PTSD is re-named Deceptive Sexual Trauma, and still not taken seriously.

You are a victim of narcissistic abuse. I don't recommend hanging around for the rebooted version, more abuse with additional bullshit.

exhaustDAD · 17/01/2026 19:31

Whether it's due to some disorder, or down to just him wanting to do it...He did it - not once (even if it was once, that wouldn't change anything), but through 4 years? He betrayed your relationship, what you both agreed on... If he can change his ways is almost not important, because he HAS destroyed/damaged what was there between you.
It is down to you what you want from life, but I personally could never get past something like this.

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