I have been with my partner for over 3.5 years. We live in separate houses (he does not want to live together). I live alone and he lives with his adult daughter. I have a large mortgage but work very hard and get by. I am self employed so if I don’t work I don’t get paid and I have recently managed to squirrel away 2 months income so if I am ill or injured I can cover my bills. I work over 50 hours a week and still don’t have a lot left over for savings or luxuries but I manage. I am 52 years old, drive a 10 year old car and live in a small terraced house with a big mortgage. My partner is the same age but lives in a fully detached house, drives a lovely car with a personal plate, has no mortgage, earns more than me and has over 30 times what I have in my bank so is in a very good financial position (he didn’t have this when I met him, he has inherited). I pay my way in the relationship, he comes to my house 3 nights a week and I feed him and my utilities are used and I go to his once a week and have the same. I never ask him for anything financially and we spend the same on each other on Xmas and birthdays. So u can see I am clearly not a gold digger!! We went on holiday a couple of years ago (I paid for myself to go even tho it was a struggle) and met a lovely couple who we have kept in touch with and met up with since. The male partner wanted us to go on holiday with them this year as a surprise for his partner and we readily agreed and dates were sorted etc. He sent me details of holidays that he had found but they will only stay in a 5 star hotel (they are older than us) so they were very pricey. When I said this to him he said “don’t be daft, I am sure D (my partner) will pay for u” - he then messaged back and said that he had heard from D who told him that he would have to speak to me to see if I can afford it and if not, what my budget is. He was taken aback by this but I said it was ok and I said I couldn’t stretch to the ones he had sent but would have a look for cheaper ones and get back to him. I found one a bit cheaper but it was gorgeous and I thought D might put the £400 I was short - goodness, how wrong was I!! D came round, I did him dinner and showed him the hotel and he loved it - when I said I was £400 short he said “well we can’t go then and u will have to let K (our friend) know and it is a real shame” - I was flabbergasted and told D so and told him that if the roles were reversed I would have just booked it for him and paid for it all but he said “my money is my money for me and my daughter, it is nothing to do with you and never will be - I will not contribute a penny towards your holiday, I am sad for K as I know how much he wanted this as did we all but if u want to go, u will have to find the extra money, either work more or borrow it from someone” . I told K we couldn’t go and he was so upset and said that it didn’t sound like a relationship. Friends and work colleagues I have spoken too since have said the same.
is this a relationship?? I was married for 23 years so am new to all this.
i don’t benefit financially, he spends more time at my house with me cooking for him and my power being used,
I don’t benefit emotionally as he has no interest in my life and just talks about his work, his daughter and his house and when I talk about my life it is so clear he isn’t interested in the slightest and when I have any problems he always just says “u will be ok” and that is it!
He doesn’t want to live together as he is happy living just with his daughter (he is paying for her holiday with her boyfriend btw but won’t put a penny towards mine!)
I don’t get anything sexually as he doesn’t have much interest in that and on the rare occasions that he does, it is only about his pleasure lately.
I do love him and having company and cuddles is nice but does that constitute a relationship?
Am I wasting my time? I’m not getting any younger!
Any advice would be appreciated but please, no keyboard warriors who want to be nasty as my mental health isn’t great. Thank you.